Dating sites

[Topaz]

A friend of mine who lost her hubby 2years ago and I were surfing the web and  out of curiosity, we went on one single dating site and we were really surprised that young people about 18-45 years old are relying on the web to meet  people and not be more social, like their parents or the  better know as boomers were. So my question is, have u or would u used a single dating site to find someone?

[dialamah]

Yup, and it works.  I know several people who have created successful relationships with people they met on a dating site.  A couple of those relationships are at the 15 year mark, and a few more are at least a decade.  I met my guy 8 years ago on POF.

[Bonam]

I would say that in the coming years it will be considered odd to meet potential romantic partners in any other way. 

[Peter F]

3 hours ago, dialamah said:

Yup, and it works.  I know several people who have created successful relationships with people they met on a dating site.  A couple of those relationships are at the 15 year mark, and a few more are at least a decade.  I met my guy 8 years ago on POF.

Yes, it is a very very common thing.   I too know many folks who met their significant others online and they seem to get on wonderfully.   Totally bizarre to me but seems to work very well.

[Michael Hardner]

I was an early adopter and used these sites at a time when there were only a few dozen people online in the whole city, all of them internet workers and internet savvy people.  I had two relationships, that didn't work out but I am still friends with the women I dated and they are lovely people.  Then I met my future wife in a bar

 

The advantage of the internet is that you can get to know somebody at a distance, talk to them and figure out what they're like, what their interests and values are early on.  Disadvantage is that they are strangers, so they have no other link to you.  You can also date people from other backgrounds, or date people much older/younger than yourself that you wouldn't otherwise be able to meet.  

[betsy]

15 hours ago, Topaz said:

A friend of mine who lost her hubby 2years ago and I were surfing the web and  out of curiosity, we went on one single dating site and we were really surprised that young people about 18-45 years old are relying on the web to meet  people and not be more social, like their parents or the  better know as boomers were. So my question is, have u or would u used a single dating site to find someone?

Someone I know had found and married someone through a dating site.  They're still together after about 15 years now.  Our insurance lady (widow), who's Christian  met a USA pastor through what I think is a meeting site for Christians.  She moved and they got married.

People don't have that great opportunity to find someone compatible to their values.  It "cut corners" for people who are honest and sincere.  But of course, not everyone is honest and sincere.  Proceed with great caution.

Edited August 25, 2017 by betsy

[Goddess]

7 minutes ago, betsy said:

Proceed with great caution.

Good advice there.

When I moved to small prairie town X, I found it hard to meet people.  My girlfreind had been on a dating site before and even though the relationships didn't work out, she is still freinds with the people she met on there.  Long story short, and after a bottle of wine , I put up a profile.  I met my wonderful man on the first day and we've been together 2 1/2 years now.

I talked to him for a few days on the phone and then when it was time to meet, I asked him to meet me in a public place.  I didn't want him to know where I lived until I checked him out.

I was on the site less than 24 hours.  I will say though, that most of the men on it were incredibly creepy.  One wanted to meet off the highway under some overpass......it reminded me of this sketch by Louis CK......"To your death, statistically!"

 

[hot enough]

1 hour ago, betsy said:

It "cut corners" for people who are honest and sincere. 

It cuts corners for people who are desperately insecure and just plain desperate.

[Goddess]

29 minutes ago, hot enough said:

It cuts corners for people who are desperately insecure and just plain desperate.

How do you go through life being so desperately negative all the time?  It must be exhausting and it's just so sad, that I pity you.

 

 

In fact, research says there are no significant personality differences between online and offline daters.

(Finkel, E. J., Eastwick, P. W., Karney, B. R., Reis, H. T., & Sprecher, S.. (2012) Online dating: A critical analysis from the perspective of psychological science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 13, 3-66. doi: 10.1177/1529100612436522)

As far as the demographic characteristics of online daters, studies comparing couples who met online to those who met offline, the online daters were most likely to be employed, or of higher socioeconomic status.  Not exactly the demographic portrait of desperate losers.

(Cacioppo, J. T., Cacioppo, S., Gonzaga, G. C., Ogburn, E. L., & VanderWeele, T. J. (2013). Marital satisfaction and break-ups differ across on-line and off-line meeting venues.Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 110 (25), 10135–10140. doi: 10.1073/pnas.1222447110)

 

Edited August 25, 2017 by Goddess

[betsy]

50 minutes ago, hot enough said:

It cuts corners for people who are desperately insecure and just plain desperate.

You must've been voted "the most likely party-pooper of all time!"  Gee, you make it seem attending a wake will be more fun than going out with you.

 

If you don't shape up, you won't find anyone....... even online!

Edited August 25, 2017 by betsy

[betsy]

28 minutes ago, Goddess said:

How do you go through life being so desperately negative all the time?

 

Yes, he does, doesn't he? 

He must've had bad experiences in dating.......if he even got to that part! 

He most likely blew it by his first line! He probably spouted off about nano termites. 

No wonder he's always angry......

 

Edited August 25, 2017 by betsy

[Topaz]

Now the next question I have i, what is the age limit  u would date someone.? Would u date someone the same age as your adults kids or  would u date someone 20+older than u? Is there any moral or social rules related to age and dating?

[dialamah]

9 minutes ago, Topaz said:

Now the next question I have i, what is the age limit  u would date someone.? Would u date someone the same age as your adults kids or  would u date someone 20+older than u? Is there any moral or social rules related to age and dating?

I was uncomfortable with guys who were too much younger or older than me.  I'd say within 5 years either way was my comfort zone.  Lots of guys look for women significantly younger, 10+ years.

I think there's a psychological effect when someone joins a dating site; they see all those people and have an unconscious assumption that they'll be able to pick and choose any one of those people and get a positive response.   When that doesn't happen, they are disappointed and some become bitter.   They seem to forget that other people have preferences too, and assume the fault is with the other person (or the entire other gender) rather than their expectations.  

I spent about 3.5 years online dating, contacted probably 100s of guys, dated about 40 either once or for a few weeks, and met two with long-term potential for me.   You have to go in with the attitude that you will "meet" lots of people - most of whom won't be suitable for some reason - and a very few who will be.   Most of my experiences were positive, but that was probably because I didn't expect too much from any single encounter.

For anyone seriously considering joining a dating site, don't put in your profile these kinds of statements:  "Liars need not apply", "only serious responses", "cheaters stay away", etc.  This doesn't persuade the ill-intentioned to ignore you, instead it tells them that you have been taken advantage of previously and might be worth a shot to take advantage of again.   

 

 

[betsy]

20 hours ago, Topaz said:

Now the next question I have i, what is the age limit  u would date someone.? Would u date someone the same age as your adults kids or  would u date someone 20+older than u? Is there any moral or social rules related to age and dating?

Depends what your purpose for dating.  If it's for a long-term commitment - you have to really be practical about going cougar.  Especially in this kind of environment we have, when everything seems shallow - because most are into just thinking all about "me." 

 Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher comes to mind.

 

I find that there's something sad about women who date men who are so much younger than them.

  I don't know......but that's how it strikes me.  Could it be to prop up a very low self-esteem?  Something psychological?  A desperate cling to youth? 

Don't we raise our eyebrows on trophy wives?

 

 

Edited August 28, 2017 by betsy

[Boges]

When women say "Looking for my partner in crime", they admit they're completely incapable of properly going through the ups and downs of dating. They just want a partner and don't want to make the sacrifices involved. 

Also if you're in your 30's and haven't achieved a long-term relationship yet, you immediately become less desirable because by the time someone reaches their 30's or 40's and are dating they've probably ended a marriage or super long term relationship.

This is obviously not a rule but I found people who have been largely single for their adult life aren't willing to make concessions and that's not how you find a long-term partner. 

[Topaz]

Very good responses and would like to hear more from the males on this forum their views and see what the differences in thinking is.

[Michael Hardner]

28 minutes ago, Topaz said:

Very good responses and would like to hear more from the males on this forum their views and see what the differences in thinking is.

My perception is that you are an older lady and finding some interest from younger men online.  My only advice is be sure of what you want, and be cautious.  I dated an older woman in that way, and we had a great relationship... but it was limited and could only go so far.  I was genuine and remain friends with my ladyfriend to this day, but many men online are dishonest and have hidden agendas.  Protect yourself emotionally, and physically and don't compromise.  Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

[OftenWrong]

6 hours ago, Michael Hardner said:

My perception is that you are an older lady and finding some interest from younger men online.

Huh?

[Michael Hardner]

5 hours ago, OftenWrong said:

Huh?

How can I help you ?

[OftenWrong]

8 hours ago, Michael Hardner said:

How can I help you ?

It's ok for you to do it, but not others?

[Michael Hardner]

2 hours ago, OftenWrong said:

It's ok for you to do it, but not others?

??? Do what ??? 

[betsy]

 

 

Quote

6 red flags for online dating scams

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/6-red-flags-of-a-romance-scam/

[betsy]

Scam that targets women was in the news not too long ago.  It was given as a warning by authorities.  I don't know if this is the same.....but better be prepared.  Never send any money, and never give out vital information that pertains to important documents and finances.

Below describes one of their modus operandi.

 

Quote

Online dating scams target divorced, middle-aged women

https://blog.avast.com/2016/02/10/online-dating-scams-target-divorced-middle-aged-women/

 

 

Most scams you can sniff from afar.  But just as there are differences among thieves,  there are the sophisticated ones......

Edited August 30, 2017 by betsy

[OftenWrong]

16 hours ago, Michael Hardner said:

??? Do what ??? 

Your post was off-topic. The question was quite clear, but you did not discuss it, you discussed the poster. Personal advice was not being solicited, nor was details of your sordid past.

[Michael Hardner]

29 minutes ago, OftenWrong said:

Your post was off-topic. The question was quite clear, but you did not discuss it, you discussed the poster. Personal advice was not being solicited, nor was details of your sordid past.

I directly answered Topaz's second and third post.