Prometheus, in three short paragraphs

[kimmy]

I almost walked out of this film when I realized that it had nothing to do with Greek mythology, but having told my parole officer I would remain at the theatre for two hours, I had little choice but to remain and catalog the film's many flaws. This film is a fraud, a charade. It is pretending to be something it is not. The lies are many. Noomi Rapace is Swedish, but they have given her an English name in this film. Michael Fassbender pretends to be a robot that is pretending to be human. If they simply had Fassbender be human, the nonsensical robot aspect of the story could have been dropped. Charlize Theron is allegedly South African, yet she is as white as snow. She is a Hollywood liberal pretending to be a corporate executive. The film is set on a world light years away, yet the film was produced entirely on earth. None of the alien creatures in the film have ever been found. Such is the dishonesty of Hollywood.

Who is Ridley Scott? What does Ridley Scott know of the future, or of the origin of humanity? Ridley Scott has never been to the future, and surely he has little more idea what will happen in the future than the key grip or makeup artists in this insipid film. Nor does Scott have a PhD in biology. The notions he presents regarding evolution are sheer fantasy. Who is Ridley Scott to challenge the likes of Charles Darwin? Ridley Scott has no more knowledge of evolutionary biology than the actors pretending to be scientists in his film. Like Quentin Tarantino attempting to make a film about a war he never fought in, this lack of verisimilitude makes it impossible to take the film seriously.

Ridley Scott has made some considerable number of inane films of little note such as Alien and Bladerunner, and yet somehow got lucky with the classic police drama Black Rain, starring the immortal Andy Garcia. As they plebian saying goes, even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while. Or, as Albertans might put it, the sun shines on every dog's ass sometimes. Whatever the metaphor, it is clear that Scott's success with Black Rain was a fluke. And yet Hollywood studios continue to give him money to make nonsensical fare such as Gladiator and Blackhawk Down. It is clear that Hollywood executives are imbeciles who have no business sense. It is clear that they have been blinded by the admittedly spectacular Black Rain, and Ridley Scott has coasted on that success for over two decades.

The film uses CGI and 3d technology, which is a gimmick whose time has come and gone, another failed novelty that tries to get people to come to the theatres. 3d is no substitute for good actors or creative stories. Who in Hollywood can tell a story with the arch of an eyebrow as Vivian Leigh once could? Certainly not Noomi Rapace. What good is 3d technology when there is no story worth telling? Give me Black Rain any day.

The film typifies Hollywood desperation. They have hired a hack director whose only success was over 20 years ago. He hired a Swede pretending to be English, a white woman pretending to be African, a man pretending to be a robot, high-school dropouts pretending to be scientists. They have put them in a fictional future. They have dishonestly named the film after Greek myth, yet there are no Greeks, ancient or modern, to be found. They have surrounded it all with 3D in the hope that it will keep viewers from noticing the dishonesty of this exercise. IMO, viewers will not be fooled.

The meaning of life is not a question for hack directors and 3D and CGI and fake scientists and Swedish actresses pretending to be English. Viewers will find this to be a hollow experience. Someday, Hollywood will realize that these questions are best left to French actors sitting on a couch in a crappy Paris apartment. With subtitles. Le cinema verite, c'est magnifique.

---

Could Prometheus have been made in Saudi Arabia, by Muslims? IMV, no. They have no grasp of sarcasm. As well, they're idiots who can barely operate cell-phones, let alone digital 3-d film equipment. It would be proposterous. It bears mentioning that Scott's future contains Christians, but no Muslims. Here, Scott gets it right. Or, as an Albertan might say, the sun shines on every dog's ass sometimes.

-k

[cybercoma]

THIS IS A MESSAGE BOARD! :angry:

[Peter F]

I love Bladerunner

[Jack Weber]

Ummm....That's not 3 paragraphs...

[kimmy]

THIS IS A MESSAGE BOARD! :angry:

I love Bladerunner

Me too

Ummm....That's not 3 paragraphs...

The people involved will know what this was about. The rest will just need to take my word for it that this is satire.

-k

[cybercoma]

Holy crap. I didn't read it at first because I didn't want spoilers. After deciding I don't care about spoilers on this one, I'm glad I read it. This is easily the funniest post I've read on this forum in ages, if not ever. Kudos.

edit: To those that skipped the OP. There's no spoilers.

Edited June 17, 2012 by cybercoma

[Smallc]

Awesome kimmy

[Argus]

I almost walked out of this film when I realized that it had nothing to do with Greek mythology, but having told my parole officer I would remain at the theatre for two hours, I had little choice but to remain and catalog the film's many flaws. This film is a fraud, a charade. It is pretending to be something it is not. The lies are many. Noomi Rapace is Swedish, but they have given her an English name in this film. Michael Fassbender pretends to be a robot that is pretending to be human. If they simply had Fassbender be human, the nonsensical robot aspect of the story could have been dropped. Charlize Theron is allegedly South African, yet she is as white as snow. She is a Hollywood liberal pretending to be a corporate executive. The film is set on a world light years away, yet the film was produced entirely on earth. None of the alien creatures in the film have ever been found. Such is the dishonesty of Hollywood.

Kimmy is apparently now channeling Oleg. She will be eating dinner one day and Oleg will tear free from her stomach and launch himself into the internet, immortal so long as he stays away from rocket blasts to the face.

Edited June 17, 2012 by Argus

[cybercoma]

In case you're scratching your head about this thread,

and it might make more sense.

[sharkman]

Kimmy is apparently now channeling Oleg. She will be eating dinner one day and Oleg will tear free from her stomach adn launch himself into the internet, immortal so long as he stays away from rocket blasts to the face.

Oleg. Wow, the similarities are eerie!

I love Black Rain though. Michael Douglas kicking some ass. Prometheus was quite good though, I saw it for the second time last night and I think it will age well.

[Smallc]

Kimmy is apparently now channeling Oleg.

Actually, I'm pretty sure she was intentionally channeling someone else.

[sharkman]

She's good at it, whatever she was doing. Do it again, kimmy!

[BubberMiley]

Yes, well done. Though I think Charlize Theron really is from South Africa. That's where she killed her dad.

[bleeding heart]

For personal reasons, I completely adore this review.

But even aside from my love of it, it's very sharp observational satire. Kimmy is plainly not an "Asian."

[bleeding heart]

In case you're scratching your head about this thread,

and it might make more sense.

Yes, and in fact it summons an older trend by a specific poster. To really get what's going on here, one needs to read a fascinating and mildly infuriating discussion about Inglourious Basterds, quite some time ago.

[August1991]

Three short paragraphs? I suspected that you were bad at math, kimmy, but I always assumed that you could at least count.

And yet Hollywood studios continue to give him money to make nonsensical fare such as Gladiator and Blackhawk Down. It is clear that Hollywood executives are imbeciles who have no business sense.

Clearly not. Wes Anderson may have trouble getting financing but I doubt Ridley Scott has similar problems.

Wes Anderson made movies for 14 year old boys in America. Ridley Scott makes movies for 14 year old boys in Hong Kong.

The film uses CGI and 3d technology, which is a gimmick whose time has come and gone, another failed novelty that tries to get people to come to the theatres. 3d is no substitute for good actors or creative stories. Who in Hollywood can tell a story with the arch of an eyebrow as Vivian Leigh once could? Certainly not Noomi Rapace. What good is 3d technology when there is no story worth telling?

True, 14 year old boys in Hong Kong, at present, like CGI and 3d.

At least the 14 year old American boys who liked Wes Anderson remain loyal to him.

The film typifies Hollywood desperation. They have hired a hack director whose only success was over 20 years ago. He hired a Swede pretending to be English, a white woman pretending to be African, a man pretending to be a robot, high-school dropouts pretending to be scientists. They have put them in a fictional future. They have dishonestly named the film after Greek myth, yet there are no Greeks, ancient or modern, to be found. They have surrounded it all with 3D in the hope that it will keep viewers from noticing the dishonesty of this exercise.

Well said. It's a commercial exercise.

The meaning of life is not a question for hack directors and 3D and CGI and fake scientists and Swedish actresses pretending to be English. Viewers will find this to be a hollow experience. Someday, Hollywood will realize that these questions are best left to French actors sitting on a couch in a crappy Paris apartment. With subtitles. Le cinema verite, c'est magnifique.

God knows the meaning of life. But Kimmy, all things considered, I doubt that a crappy, derivative Hollywood commercial venture made for 14 year old Hong Kong boys will provide much of an answer. As to "French actors sitting on a couch in a crappy Paris apartment. With subtitles.", I have my doubts too whether such a movie has anything to say about the human condition. Then again, who knows really.

But if I were an artist, I know where I would devote my efforts. And as a patron, I know where I spend my money.

----

For every 9 Hong Kong 14 year old boys, there's 1 young woman in Alberta who simply enjoys the movie, and the irony of it all. That's not a successful business model; and it says little of the human condition.

Could Prometheus have been made in Saudi Arabia, by Muslims? IMV, no. They have no grasp of sarcasm. As well, they're idiots who can barely operate cell-phones, let alone digital 3-d film equipment. It would be proposterous. It bears mentioning that Scott's future contains Christians, but no Muslims. Here, Scott gets it right.

And here, I guess, I'll just have to see this movie.

I fear rather that it will be another 3d, CGI extravaganza made for 14 year old boys - with the typical evil corporation/father figure who gets beaten up. (See Avatar.) Oh, the irony. A corporation pays Ridley Scott/James Cameron millions to make a crudely derivative commercial movie that denigrates corporations/rich people.

----

Art serves a purpose, Kimmy. Greek theatre showed us sarcasm, and irony. As much as you snobbishly turn your nose at subtitled movies, your OP shows that you (or your ancestors) have learned a lesson in a once foreign concept.

Edited June 26, 2012 by August1991

[Black Dog]

Three short paragraphs? I suspected that you were bad at math, kimmy, but I always assumed that you could at least count.

Clearly not. Wes Anderson may have trouble getting financing but I doubt Ridley Scott has similar problems.

Wes Anderson made movies for 14 year old boys in America. Ridley Scott makes movies for 14 year old boys in Hong Kong.

True, 14 year old boys in Hong Kong, at present, like CGI and 3d.

At least the 14 year old American boys who liked Wes Anderson remain loyal to him.

Well said. It's a commercial exercise.

God knows the meaning of life. But Kimmy, all things considered, I doubt that a crappy, derivative Hollywood commercial venture made for 14 year old Hong Kong boys will provide much of an answer. As to "French actors sitting on a couch in a crappy Paris apartment. With subtitles.", I have my doubts too whether such a movie has anything to say about the human condition. Then again, who knows really.

But if I were an artist, I know where I would devote my efforts. And as a patron, I know where I spend my money.

----

For every 9 Hong Kong 14 year old boys, there's 1 young woman in Alberta who simply enjoys the movie, and the irony of it all. That's not a successful business model; and it says little of the human condition.

And here, I guess, I'll just have to see this movie.

I fear rather that it will be another 3d, CGI extravaganza made for 14 year old boys - with the typical evil corporation/father figure who gets beaten up. (See Avatar.) Oh, the irony. A corporation pays Ridley Scott/James Cameron millions to make a crudely derivative commercial movie that denigrates corporations/rich people.

----

Art serves a purpose, Kimmy. Greek theatre showed us sarcasm, and irony. As much as you snobbishly turn your nose at subtitled movies, your OP shows that you (or your ancestors) have learned a lesson in a once foreign concept.

This thread was pretty fantastic before, but this, this makes it Hall of Fame material.

[Shady]

Kimmy is apparently now channeling Oleg.

Great observation. She's gone way down hill, for whatever reason.

[Jack Weber]

Three short paragraphs? I suspected that you were bad at math, kimmy, but I always assumed that you could at least count.

Clearly not. Wes Anderson may have trouble getting financing but I doubt Ridley Scott has similar problems.

Wes Anderson made movies for 14 year old boys in America. Ridley Scott makes movies for 14 year old boys in Hong Kong.

True, 14 year old boys in Hong Kong, at present, like CGI and 3d.

At least the 14 year old American boys who liked Wes Anderson remain loyal to him.

Well said. It's a commercial exercise.

God knows the meaning of life. But Kimmy, all things considered, I doubt that a crappy, derivative Hollywood commercial venture made for 14 year old Hong Kong boys will provide much of an answer. As to "French actors sitting on a couch in a crappy Paris apartment. With subtitles.", I have my doubts too whether such a movie has anything to say about the human condition. Then again, who knows really.

But if I were an artist, I know where I would devote my efforts. And as a patron, I know where I spend my money.

----

For every 9 Hong Kong 14 year old boys, there's 1 young woman in Alberta who simply enjoys the movie, and the irony of it all. That's not a successful business model; and it says little of the human condition.

And here, I guess, I'll just have to see this movie.

I fear rather that it will be another 3d, CGI extravaganza made for 14 year old boys - with the typical evil corporation/father figure who gets beaten up. (See Avatar.) Oh, the irony. A corporation pays Ridley Scott/James Cameron millions to make a crudely derivative commercial movie that denigrates corporations/rich people.

----

Art serves a purpose, Kimmy. Greek theatre showed us sarcasm, and irony. As much as you snobbishly turn your nose at subtitled movies, your OP shows that you (or your ancestors) have learned a lesson in a once foreign concept.

Pseudointellectual Eurodrivel at its finest!!!!

August,why do all the clowns have sad eyes?

Why does no one understand the greatness and artistic flare of Kenneth Anger???

Edited June 26, 2012 by Jack Weber

[bleeding heart]

Great observation. She's gone way down hill, for whatever reason.

No, it's a terrible observation.

Kimmy was, intentionally, channeling another poster, and to great effect. It wasn't Oleg.

[Black Dog]

Great observation. She's gone way down hill, for whatever reason.

You're so slow.

[Shady]

You're so slow.

I'm sorry I didn't notice her decline sooner.

[Black Dog]

I'm sorry I didn't notice her decline sooner.

A lot gets by you. This thread, for instance.

[August1991]

I'm sorry I didn't notice her decline sooner.

Decline? IMHO, Kimmy has yet to reach the top of her game.

No, it's a terrible observation.

Kimmy was, intentionally, channeling another poster, and to great effect. It wasn't Oleg.

It was me, I surmise.

Kimmy wrote a satirical piece of my writing style.

BTW, according to Wikipedia, satire comes from Rome and not Greece:

The word satire comes from the Latin word satur and the subsequent phrase lanx satura. Satur meant "full," but the juxtaposition with lanx shifted the meaning to "miscellany or medley": the expression lanx satura literally means "a full dish of various kinds of fruits."

Pseudointellectual Eurodrivel at its finest!!!!

August,why do all the clowns have sad eyes?

Why does no one understand the greatness and artistic flare of Kenneth Anger???

I had to look up the reference to Kenneth Anger. As to "Pseudointellectual Eurodrivel", we in the West have an inheritance: it includes sarcasm, irony, property rights, contract law, restrictions on the power of the State and, as Mark Steyn would say, "several centuries of common law". For example, it also includes satire. Edited June 27, 2012 by August1991

[Guest Peeves]

Yes, and in fact it summons an older trend by a specific poster. To really get what's going on here, one needs to read a fascinating and mildly infuriating discussion about Inglourious Basterds, quite some time ago.

Once the Wizard of Oz was subjected to a similar 'review' on IMDb. Some took it seriously and attacked the review and the reviewer in detail........funny stuff, good on yeh!