Middle-Age Professionals in Crisis - Robin Williams Connection

[jbg]

The article (link, excerpts below) is less interesting about Robin Williams and more interesting about a growing problem and one I can identify with. I am in my mid-50's and have been a practicing attorney for more than 30 years, 28 with the same person who has been mentor, colleague and friend. In January the two of us left one firm for another in New York City. A few days before my stepfather of 40 years died, and my mother's growing dementia spiraled to hte point that she now gets 24/7 home care, spends her time between a hospital bed and a wheelchair in the home, and is near death.

I have a loving wife and two children. Recently I learned that I am being "right-sized' out of the firm at the end of the year. They want a younger "image" to the firm. I am quite good at what I do.

Given my genetics I am likely to live well into my 90's if not further. Gaining re-employment is going to be a struggle. The problem is that people in my shoes, i.e. healthy, motivated middle-aged people are becoming superfluous. While I don't plan on doing anything stupid, I can well understand the gist of this article.

Robin Williams one of many: More middle-aged men committing suicide, and experts don’t know why

Jamie Turner lived 54 years before he decided that was enough.

During those five decades and then some, he’d raised two children into upstanding adults. He had an 18-year career as a nurse in the emergency room at the Royal Victoria Regional Health Centre in Barrie, Ont. — a job that had him see his fair share of trauma, of dead children and distress.

And then, with retirement on the horizon, he received a layoff notice. Then his mother-in-law died of cancer and his own mother too, shortly thereafter.

It was something he couldn’t even understand himself

“That was the breaking point,” said his widow, Sue Turner. Until that time, he’d been the rock of the family — always shelving his own feelings for the good of everyone else.

“Something happened to Jamie,” she said. “And it was something he couldn’t even understand himself.”

*********************

“The actual numbers are throwing this curveball at us,” said Dan Bilsker, a clinical psychologist in Vancouver who has spent 25 years working with suicidal patients at Vancouver General Hospital. “Something new has developed socially here, some new phenomena is happening. We don’t really have the wherewithal to understand it.”

We need to find something productive for middle-aged people to do; and don't say "volunteer work" since we have families still remaining.

[eyeball]

Call volunteerism what it is, free labour, and start paying people who provide it a decent living pension/wage or whatever you want to call it.

[waldo]

if those increased suicide rate numbers for the 'middle-class male' have validity... some of that can be attributed to corporate greed and too many men with a self-identity, value and worth associated with their jobs. Along comes Mr. Corporate RightSizer and then...

[Argus]

if those increased suicide rate numbers for the 'middle-class male' have validity... some of that can be attributed to corporate greed and too many men with a self-identity, value and worth associated with their jobs. Along comes Mr. Corporate RightSizer and then...

Or maybe they're all traumatized by the impending demise of the world through global warming...

[kimmy]

Good luck to you, jbg. I hope that you'll be able to find a worthwhile way forward.

Sometimes experienced professionals who find themselves out of work take their expertise and industry knowledge and use it to start a new business of their own. For others, it's a chance to try something completely new. Whatever you decide, it's a challenging time.

-k

[Moonlight Graham]

But Robin Williams wasn't a healthy middle-aged male, he was recently diagnosed with parkinsons. Combined with his previous problems of depression that led to substance abuse, maybe the prospect of living the rest of his life like Michael J Fox and being less and less able to entertain people the way he did was what helped put him over the edge .

[Moonlight Graham]

Good luck with everything jbg, if you have health, ability, & enthusiasm you can do anything.

[WestCoastRunner]

Many baby boomers are finding themselves in this situation. Some are creating their own job by buying a business, starting a business and providing consulting services. Many options are available, however it's the fear of the unknown that paralyzes many. Analysis paralysis stops many in their tracks.

[waldo]

Or maybe they're all traumatized by the impending demise of the world through global warming...

the waldo gives this comment a 5* rating on the pointless scale

[bush_cheney2004]

I am a few years older and look forward to retirement not working as of next year, followed closely by my dear wife. Likewise, we need the time to care for aging parents and to enjoy leisure activities and interests while still having excellent health. Psychologically, it is far easier and healthier to leave an employer on your own terms and desired goals. The difference for us it to never have invested so much personal self worth or sense of achievement in our employment, understanding the fickle nature of such arrangements these days.

The pending doom from global warming is just another challenge and opportunity.

[kimmy]

I am a few years older and look forward to retirement not working as of next year,

Wait, you're not retired yet? How do you have time to be on the forum 18 hours a day when you have a job?

-k

[bush_cheney2004]

Wait, you're not retired yet? How do you have time to be on the forum 18 hours a day when you have a job?

I am in the IT industry with dozens of workstations and servers at my disposal. I actually get paid an obscene salary to do exactly as you describe, but next year I will no longer trade time (a far more valuable resource)...for money.

Maybe I will post less here if I am not being paid for it !

Edited August 17, 2014 by bush_cheney2004

[Big Guy]

Sometimes being "right-sized" is the best thing that could happen to you. You may be very surprised on how little money you need to live. I hope you sit down and do an economic assessment. I retired fairly early. Before I made the choice, I asked some retired friends for advice. EVERY one of them told me that they made a mistake - they waited too long!

You will also be surprised how quickly your body parts may fail you so those golf games, sailing, hiking and camping you planned to do after you retired at 60+ are no longer an option. You have two children. Their wellbeing and company can take up a lot of your time. They grow very quickly. You won't have a second chance.

Find a project - from beginning a schematic of family Genealogy ( eventually a wonderful gift to your children and grandchildren) to a memoir of your life (another wonderful gift). develop a reading list of books and authors that you had always wanted to read "when you had the time". May sound like a bucket list but most people who start one find out it is too late to complete it all.

You can always use your knowledge of the law and your certification to pick up a few dollars through a home office (some nice tax deductions too).

Find a favourite spot in the local park, have a seat and enjoy living. Try to blank your mind to everything but what you see.

You have been given the gifts of a spouse and two children. You have obviously made some good choices and probably had to make many concessions to get where you are.

Time to cash in.

What would you do at the end of the year if you knew you had only one more year to live?

Do it.

You may not get another chance.

Edited August 17, 2014 by Big Guy

[-1=e^ipi]

Clearly the cause is the patriarchy!

Look at all these patriarchal countries:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide

The privileged male social position some how causes them to have shorter life spawns and makes them more likely to commit suicide due to stress.

Btw, I'm poking fun at 'feminists' who attribute various problem to 'the patriarchy'.

[GostHacked]

Wait, you're not retired yet? How do you have time to be on the forum 18 hours a day when you have a job?

-k

This IS his job. Probably hanging out at some US military base paid by Obama to spew crap on Canadian forums. Just a guess though.

[bush_cheney2004]

Retirement is not the same as unemployment, which makes some people very bitter.

[waldo]

Wait, you're not retired yet? How do you have time to be on the forum 18 hours a day when you have a job?

true dat!

.

This IS his job. Probably hanging out at some US military base paid by Obama to spew crap on Canadian forums. Just a guess though.

true dat to!

.

[jbg]

Sometimes being "right-sized" is the best thing that could happen to you. You may be very surprised on how little money you need to live. I hope you sit down and do an economic assessment. I retired fairly early. Before I made the choice, I asked some retired friends for advice. EVERY one of them told me that they made a mistake - they waited too long!

As I said I expect to live into my 90's. 40 years is a long time to be idle. Longer than my working life of about 32 years so far.

I do thank you for your advice but I'm not likely to take it. I do like people who are concerned on a human level, though.

Edited August 18, 2014 by jbg

[Bonam]

As I said I expect to live into my 90's. 40 years is a long time to be idle. Longer than my working life of about 32 years so far.

I do thank you for your advice but I'm not likely to take it. I do like people who are concerned on a human level, though.

Loss of one job is no reason to be idle. As a lawyer with 30+ years of experience, you should be able to easily start your own law firm, if you so desire. You likely have many existing client relationships and can continue to work with many of these clients after you no longer work for your present firm.

[jbg]

Loss of one job is no reason to be idle. As a lawyer with 30+ years of experience, you should be able to easily start your own law firm, if you so desire. You likely have many existing client relationships and can continue to work with many of these clients after you no longer work for your present firm.

Trouble is a lot of the client base is resistant to paying. Which is actually why I was selected for "right-sizing" in the first place. Taking these clients with me, which is what my mentor suggests, would lead to financial ruin. Thanks for the concern though.

[Wilber]

Been retired for 8 yrs and don't regret it a bit. Enjoyed what I did but my bucket list is probably too long for the number of healthy years I have left. It's great to plan on living into your nineties but how many of those years will you be fully functional. That's just me though. I quite understand that there are those who love what they do so much that they will do it till they drop. I'm not one of them.

[Bonam]

Been retired for 8 yrs and don't regret it a bit. Enjoyed what I did but my bucket list is probably too long for the number of healthy years I have left.

This is one thing that has always puzzled me... why would one possibly wait until they are retired to do things that they want to do in life ("bucket list")? I'm out every weekend doing the things I love to do...

[waldo]

This is one thing that has always puzzled me... why would one possibly wait until they are retired to do things that they want to do in life ("bucket list")? I'm out every weekend doing the things I love to do...

for some, it's called disposable income... the amount of. For some, it's called fiscal reality and needing to pay bills, support families, etc.

[Mighty AC]

This is one thing that has always puzzled me... why would one possibly wait until they are retired to do things that they want to do in life ("bucket list")? I'm out every weekend doing the things I love to do...

I manage to do many of the things I like to do, often as well. However, there are so many places to see and things I would like to do, I will never get to them all. For example, I haven't yet been to Egypt, Prague or walked to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro.

Edited August 19, 2014 by Mighty AC

[Wilber]

This is one thing that has always puzzled me... why would one possibly wait until they are retired to do things that they want to do in life ("bucket list")? I'm out every weekend doing the things I love to do...

Most of the things we have on our list take a lot more than a weekend, but even a lot of the weekend stuff is much easier if you can do it midweek when there are no crowds.