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Can Men and Women Genuinely Just be Friends?


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I had this discussion with a friend who felt that women being friends with men, makes absolutely no sense, unless there were no attraction, you already (dealt with) the sexual tension if present, or both were happily taken. 

I was curious about his take, considering I know tons of of lifelong friends of opposite gender.

Of course, nothing will stop you from being friends with a woman, but his point being, that if he was attracted, and single, the friendship would always lead to more.

I can only speak from experience.

My wife and I started as friends, and a few girlfriends. However, I had a best friend for years, and she was beautiful but we just weren't attracted to each other, so we're able to grow a depth to our friendship that I was never able to have with a man. 

I am positive there are exceptions to the rule, but from my experience, he sort of was right. I just don't think this applies to all.

What do you think. Could men and women genuinely be just friends?

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  • 2 weeks later...
12 hours ago, herbie said:

Rodney was a fat and ugly boy.

His mother would tell him

Don't worry. One day you'll grow up and meet a fat and ugly girl

marry and have plenty of grotesque little children.

 

Kind of sad, but at least she didn't lie to him?

I think you do a great disservice in being dishonest with kids.

My mom never told me I could be whatever I want when I was older.

She told me life was hard. As a black male, I would have to out work a white counterpart many times over, to get the same level of respect.

She also told me to apply myself, and give it all I have and never look back, when you fall flat on your face. Life is incredibly short.

Her advice served me better than the lies parents often tell to kids.

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15 hours ago, SNOWFLAKE said:

Can Men and Women Genuinely Just be Friends?

 

Is THIS a serious question??

image.gif.25f8bb56231ae9aed1d9284597bf0918.gif

 

I don't know if it should be considered serious, or just a curiosity based one.

Befriending women has never been an issue with me. 

I can only speak personally, but when the attraction was mutual, there needed to be a means of getting rid of the sexual tension, or having walls up.

IE my ex wife's friend. Her friend had us over a few times, and her friend was better looking than her. More importantly, a better cook, better person, hard working and everything that my wife at the time was not.

I started developing a crush on this friend, and questioning where I went wrong with my wife at the time.

I don't have this issue with my current wife, so I could honestly befriend a supermodel. 

My loyalty to the wife is set in stone.

I don't think its impossible, but rather why is it so hard for many?

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On 6/28/2023 at 4:44 PM, herbie said:

I've  known several who wouldn't even consider a relationship because "it would ruin their friendship".
Which is exactly the reason I'd consider a relationship.

I married a close friend, and it ruined that friendship.

Jealousy, insecurity and other issues just aren't things you have to worry about as much in a friendship, or at the same level.

My ex wife saw all my female friends as threats.

I was best friends with a woman since childhood, and was attracted to her, but loved her like a brother loves a sister. My ex wife saw her as a major threat, even though both were happily married.

So yeah, I definitely do believe and know its possible. But so many settings or I guess people, make it impossible at times.

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1 hour ago, Perspektiv said:

I don't know if it should be considered serious, or just a curiosity based one.

Befriending women has never been an issue with me. 

I can only speak personally, but when the attraction was mutual, there needed to be a means of getting rid of the sexual tension, or having walls up.

IE my ex wife's friend. Her friend had us over a few times, and her friend was better looking than her. More importantly, a better cook, better person, hard working and everything that my wife at the time was not.

I started developing a crush on this friend, and questioning where I went wrong with my wife at the time.

I don't have this issue with my current wife, so I could honestly befriend a supermodel. 

My loyalty to the wife is set in stone.

I don't think its impossible, but rather why is it so hard for many?

I have had female friends all my life, some very attractive ones. They make better friends than other guys. Easy to talk to, better listeners. Can't do the roughhousing you can do with guys though, I admit that. At the same time I had love interests and they encouraged me. I still have female friends even though now married. I keep reading about guys secretly want to sleep with their female friends. Odd, I never wanted to. I must be wired differently. 

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20 minutes ago, SNOWFLAKE said:

They make better friends than other guys. Easy to talk to, better listeners.

I would have to agree with all of the above. I have dated plenty of female friends, because traits making them attractive, often had me fall for them.

I don't have this issue with men.

21 minutes ago, SNOWFLAKE said:

Can't do the roughhousing you can do with guys though, I admit that.

Or the banter. 

"Do I look fat?"

I can't see. Back up a bit.

*she starts backing up*

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP...

With male friends, this likely would get laughter. With the wife, this would likely get a f***y**, and potentially some dog house time.

Mind you, I can tell my wife she needs to lose weight, as long as in correct context. Asian women in general are quite blunt. "Wow, you're so fat!"

They mean it as a matter of fact. We just happen to be quite sensitive in the west. I laughed while in the Philippines seeing a major brand in their flagship SM Malls in parts of the country, being called the "Big Girl Store". Again. Matter of fact. You big? Buy here! 

She has also told me I needed to lose weight before, so we can tell each other almost everything.

She is the first woman I have dated who I was open about my asexuality, to. 

27 minutes ago, SNOWFLAKE said:

Odd, I never wanted to. I must be wired differently. 

I was able to have a female friend come over, we wrestled (I won),  watched TV, and I had no idea she was falling in love with me.

My friends kept telling us we would make a perfect couple, but never thought much of it.

I later found out I was asexual, so that explained a lot of s***. 

She literally had to spell it out. She was blunt. 

My wife is a bit different. 

I really loved spending time with her, so I was blunt about really liking her, but that is more based on age. Life is too short for regretting letting a woman like her slip past me.

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1 hour ago, Perspektiv said:

I would have to agree with all of the above. I have dated plenty of female friends, because traits making them attractive, often had me fall for them.

I don't have this issue with men.

I think your stories say the answer overall is "no". Sexual tension? Wrestling? Lesbie friends?

There is a thing called affairs of the heart. Psychological romance. Admit that she's cute and you like her, but can only be "friends" because of the current situation.

Otherwise... ;)  

Edited by OftenWrong
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42 minutes ago, OftenWrong said:

Admit that she's cute and you like her, but can only be "friends" because of the current situation.

Basically. 

Mind you adversely, if a woman friend zoned me, I would be gone.

I have been friend zoned a couple times. To some at least you still have her in some capacity. To me, it's like accepting last place finish  

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That was a spoken line off a late 1960s album... just posted it to see if anyone remembered it.

Got propositioned years ago by the fattest, ugliest, nastiest woman I ever had the misfortune to work with. Told her no thx, I was married... she got even more agressive. Weeks later I had to pretend I was so drunk after a convention I couldn't be woken by her pounding at the motel door. Had to drive home 350 miles with her telling of all the dirty things she wanted to do to me from the back seat, and the Boss laughing her head off at my discomfort...

(ended up with the Boss in the end ?)

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  • 1 month later...
On 6/30/2023 at 3:50 PM, herbie said:

Got propositioned years ago by the fattest, ugliest, nastiest woman I ever had the misfortune to work with.

Moral of the story. You could be the fattest, ugliest, nastiest woman ever, and still find someone more than willing to f*** you. 

Vagina is powerful, ladies and gentlemen. Not money.

Trump wields his power, in getting women like Melania throwing their panties at them, and grabbing them by the p***y.

Switch gender, and looking like that--she could be a trillionaire.

Only options is go lesbian, or get a few cats from the shelter or adopt a child from Africa. 

Edited by Perspektiv
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