Canuck E Stan

Waxer, not only do we Canadians know all about Sharia. We also know about Lois and Brams.

"All you people who have attacked Parrish for stomping on a Bush doll would have had a lot more credibility if you had equally attacked Par Robertson with the same venom for suggesting that Chavez, the President of Venezula, be killed. Unfortunately some of you didn't and that says a lot about your seriously screwed up value systems." Mirror, since this thread is about Canadian representatives and MPs, help me on this one. I didn't realize that Pat Robertson was a Canadian or an MP.

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the government, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Suppose we did get a five dollar coin, with a "toonie" and a "loonie" representing the $2 and $1 dollar what would we call the $5 coin? A "foonie"? "cinqoo"? There's got to be a good name for this one. After trying three times, I'm sure the Feds will eventually do it.

Just read this column and I was wondering why after all these years we still have a democratic deficit, and even though promises are made to do something about it, nothing ever gets done. How do we get the government(regardless of party in power) to move quicker on this issue? Or has the Canadian public given up trying to tackle this issue? Or maybe it isn't even a problem? I'm interested in your views. Column I think is worth reading: Democratic Deficit

Paul Martin had just been named the Prime Minister of Canada. Chretin, who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes: #1, #2 and #3. "Open deese if you run up against da problem you don't tink you can solve," the departing Prime Minister said. Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, the polls took a downturn and Martin was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." Martin, the new Prime Minister, called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous Prime Minister . Satisfied with his comments, the press – and the Canadian public – responded positively, the polls began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him. Some time later, the government was again experiencing a dip in the polls, combined with a serious scandel problem. Having learned from his previous experience, the Prime Minister quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, changed cabinet members and put his Liberal friends into high profile government positions. This change quickly rebounded the government in the polls. Time passed and after several more bad calls and controversial issues , the government again had problems in the polls. Martin went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes..."

In recent negotiations for influenza vaccine between a Canadian health official and an American representative, it was clear that there was a disconnect between the American government's sudden reliance on Canada for influenza vaccine despite the fact that the U.S.wants to discourage Americans from buying routine prescription drugs from Canadian pharmacies. Not seeing the irony in the request, the American continued to press for the vaccine and then demanded to know why the United States would be charged for the vaccine when Canadians get theirs "for free." The Canadian official replied, "Oh it's not free, the government pays for it." "Well then," the American replied, "How much will it cost us?" The Canadian replied, "Well, we don't know...we'll let you know." In frustration, the American replied, "Well, it's urgent, so just send an invoice with the shipment. By the way...how will the vaccine be delivered?" Twenty vials of vaccine will be tied around the neck of every cow that passes over the border. Now...if you want faster delivery, there are some some softwood lumber trucks available..."

What do you call a man who ignores his doctors' advice? The Minister of Health.

The Prime Minister of Canada was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. A few days later when the Prime Minister returned from the big event, he was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished." The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."

The answer to the question: What is Layton's Ph.D.? Political Science His PhD thesis dealt with globalization.

A Quebec advertising agency executivet died and, as luck would have it, went to heaven. There were millions of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To the executive's surprise, St. Peter rose from the heaps of files and papers at his desk by the Gates, strolled briskly down the long line to where the ad executive stood, and greeted him warmly. He walked the executive to the front of the line and ushered him into a comfortable chair by his desk. St. Peter sat on the other side and stared at the ad agency executive wonderingly. After a moment, the executive said, "I have to say I appreciate all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "I'm simply amazed by your apparent good health. I've added up all the hours for which you billed your Federal government, and by my calculations you're 214 years old!"

Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not ready yet. He is greeted by the doorman, who explains, "I hope you will not mind staying in the Canadian government dormitory, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others We are very sorry!" Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dormitory. They enter and Albert is introduced to his four deceased Canadian government roommates. The doorman states, "Here is your first room mate, a former worker for the National Research Council and he has an IQ of 180!" "That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss physics and mathematics!" Next the doorman introduces his second roommate, saying,he used to work in the Canadian Forces as a spy “His IQ is 150!" "That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss military strategy" Further along, the doorman says "And here is your third room mate,formally with the CBC . His IQ is 100!" "That's wonderful! We can discuss Wayne and Shuster and the latest plays at the theater!" Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your last room mate and I was a top level consultant to the finance minister, but my IQ is only 80." Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest rates are headed?"

A new young accountant working his first job in the Government Finance department spends a week at his new office with the retiring Civil Servant accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day's work. After he retires, the new Civil Servant Accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation. His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message: "Debits in the column toward the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window."

In the Department of Finance,Finance Minister Ralph Goodale was interviewing people for an important division manager position. He decided to interview people from all professions so that everyone would get a fair shake at getting the job.He decided to select the individual that could best answer the question "how much is 2+2?" An engineer was first, he pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced, "It lies between 3.98 and 4.02". Then came a mathematician, who said, "In two hours I can demonstrate it equals 4 with the following short proof." The physicist declared, "It's in the magnitude of 1x101." The logician paused for a long while and then said, "This problem is solvable." The social worker said, "I don't know the answer, but I a glad that we discussed this important question. The attorney stated, "In the case of Svenson vs. the Province of Ontario, 2+2 was declared to be 4." The trader asked, "Are you buying or selling?" The accountant looked at the Finance Minister, then got out of his chair, went to see if anyone was listening at the door and pulled the drapes. Then he returned to Ralph Goodale, leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "What would you like it to be?"

Three boys are in the Ottawa schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are. The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow." The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet." The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a Federal government civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!"

Argus,sounds like your activity makes you a mannequin de pressin'

An Employment Canada business consultant was at a pier in a small coastal Newfoundland village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several extra large herrings. The Consultant complimented the Newfoundlander on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The fisherman replied only a little while. The consultant then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The fisherman said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The Employment Canada consultant then asked the fisherman how he spent the rest of his time. The fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Flora, stroll into the village each evening where I drink screech and play celtic music on my guitar with my buddies. I have a full and busy life." The consultant scoffed, "I am business consultant and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and, with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. "You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Montreal, then Toronto and eventually Ottawa where you will run your expanding enterprise." The fisherman asked, "But , how long will this all take?" To which the consultant replied, "15-20 years." "But what then?" asked the fisherman. The consultant laughed, and said, "That's the best part! When the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public. You'll become very rich, you would make millions!" "Millions?" replied the fisherman. "Then what?" The consultant said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could drink screech and play your guitar with your buddies."

Good one Shoop. Here's a very interesting site on trolling and what to use. Trolling

Favourite recreational activitity?...... MIRROR,are you running out of POLITICAL topics to post? Maybe another forum is where you should be.

Carol Parrish and Jack Layton decide they will tell Paul Martin their plan to do something about the Americans. So in a secret meeting (where Carol hopes to get back into the Liberal party and Jack hopes that Paul will give them the budget money he promised), they tell Paul about their plan to deal with the Americans.The plan is to declare war on the USA. Paul listens to the idea and hems and haws about it. He finally decides it could be a good idea. It would build up his popularity with fellow Liberals and take the media away from the Ad Scam scandal and the GG. The next day, to the delight of Carol and Jack, Paul calls George W.Bush Jr. "Hello George, this is Paul, Paul Martin up here in Canada," says Paul. "And the fact is,I'm phoning to tell you that I'm declaring war on the United States." Well, Paul," George replies, "this indeed is important news! Tell me, how big is your army?" "At this moment in time," says Paul after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my Deputy Minister, my Finance Minister, and the entire Canadian army, for a total of 60,003." George sighs and says "I must tell you Paul that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my word." OK," says Paul. "I'll have to call you back!" The next day Paul calls back. "George, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "What equipment would that be Paul?" George asks. "Well, we have some Sea Kings helicopters, four subs,a whole bunch of light armoured vehicles, a Reverse Osmosis Water Purification Unit and we can rent a huge Russian Airplane to carry all this stuff in a week's notice!" Once more George sighs and says, "I must tell you Paul that I have 50,000 tanks, 2000 mine layers, 10,000 armoured cars and my army has increased to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Is that a fact!" says Paul. "I'll have to call you back!" Paul calls again the next day. "George, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've decked out the Snowbirds with some Uzi machine guns that we picked up at the border last week and the Team Canada Hockey team has joined us as well!" Once more George sighs and says "I must tell you Paul that I have 4000 bombers and 8000 highly manoeuvrable attack planes and my military installations are surrounded by laser-guided surface to air missiles and since we last spoke, my army has increased to two million." "Oh cripes," says Paul. "I'll have to call you back." Paul calls again the next day. "George, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm very sorry to hear that," says George. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paul, "My team and I have had a chat and the fact is, there's no way we can cope with two million prisoners of war."

I'll tell you what THELIBERAL,you tell me what the debt is. Seems you only have the ability to ask questions that you seem to know the answers to, in all your posts. So how about you do some research and start giving us here on the forum some answers and some hard facts to all your own questions. -Canuck E. Stan Here's some other questions you might ask yourself: Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots? If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money? If pro is the opposite of con, then is progress the opposite of congress? If it's Zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be Twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? Why do scientists call it "re"search when looking for something new? Why is it called a building when it is already built? Why is hamburger called hamburger, when it is made out of beef not ham? If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? Why do ballet dancers always dance on their toes? Wouldn't it be easier to just hire taller dancers? Why is it when someone eats something that tastes bad they say "Aw, this tastes gross!" and turn to you and say "Try it!" Why would I want to try it, if they already told me what it tastes like? How do you know when invisible ink pens run out of ink? If you drop a chameleon in water, will it turn clear? Why do they call it a Leap Year if you ADD another day rather than subtracting one? Is it possible to be totally partial? What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

What a perfect fit with those in power!

"Let me be clear: we have never belonged to a political party or the separatist movement." Yes,Jean,like most people, you never belonged to a political party or the separatist movement,but are you sympathetic to the separatist cause?

You can talk about deficits rather than debt when refering to surpluses and pretend it's all something different, but the bottom line is there still is debt and it keeps climbing and when that number is being ignored year after year and we see the interest on that debt also rising, our future generations get to repay what our our government today does with our "surpluses".Alberta has no debt,Albertans will reap the rewards of having no debt.When will you own your house if your morgage keeps getting bigger? $50 Billion a year to interest is a waste.Ottawa hasn't a clue how to manage money and apparently cares less.

The big factor in all this is not so much about the surlpuses between the Albertans and Ottawa, but what the debt is in each case. Alberta has no debt,thus they truly have a surplus. Ottawa on the other hand has debt totalled around $600 billion.With yearly interest payments on the debt totalling $50 billion how can one say that Ottawa really has a surplus.Apples and Oranges.