Canuck E Stan

Eleven Liberals caucus members were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and Belinda. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to drop off, otherwise they were all going to fall. They were not able to choose the person, but then Belinda made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to sacrificing everything for her Political Party, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

Having politicians make decisions is like having doctors make diseases.

Stanley Livingston, in deepest Africa, finds a cannibal restaurant. The specialty of the day is brains - fried Terrorist brains for ten bucks, sautéed Lawyer brains for twenty-five bucks, and roasted Politician brains for two hundred bucks. Livingston, perplexed, asks the waiter why the Politician brains are so costly. The waiter snorts, "Do you know what a job it is to clean those suckers?"

After all these years being married,now I know where I went wrong,I should have gone to business school. I could have been a millionaire.Damn, sometimes I don't see the forest for the love of it.

Great quote,Nemo,but are you sure it was H.L. Mencken's? I'd swear it belonged to the Liberal Party of Canada.

A MP tells his doctor in Ottawa he’s unable to do all the important things in Parliament that he used to do. After the exam, he says, “Now, doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what the hell’s wrong with me.” “In layman’s terms, you’re lazy,” says the doctor. “OK. Now give me a medical term, so I can tell my constituents.”

Paul Martin walks into his church confessional and says to the priest, “Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I turned the same sex marriage bill into law” The priest is silent for a moment, then says, “Go home and cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp.” “And I’ll be forgiven?” asks Paul. “No,” replies the priest, “but it will wipe that smartass smirk off your face.”

From that article Timothea Gibb, a spokeswoman for the Department of Public Safety and Preparedness, said "I think it's important that Canadians are prepared. Is it better to prepare for something that never happens than not to prepare and have it happen?" For me, that that's how I feel. It becomes too late after any disaster has happened to say "we should done something to try and prevent it or we weren't ready for it.

If you were a reporter and you were to ask someone about that threat, who would you talk to about the chances of that threat? Would you go to a ecology professor,(who knows about ecology and it's threat) to talk about terrorism threats.or a microbiologist who used to work for Health Canada(who gave a"In my opinion"about stockpiling pharmaceuticals),many experts(none of which are named) director general of the Canadian Centre for Emergency Preparedness and Response(in talking about BIOTERRORISM being low but said the consequences are high), a spokeswoman for the Department of Public Safety and Preparedness(said the government's emergency planning is aimed at all hazards, not just terrorism.)a director of the Ottawa-based Polaris Institute(aid the Canadian response to terrorism has basically mirrored that of the U.S.) So of ALL the "critics" only one said money should be spent fighting smog instead,that being the ecologist.I couldn't find anyone's quote saying the money should be spent on disease. DENNIS BUECKERT the reporter on this story really doesn't have a story.What is the story?Is it about terrorism,or ecology or anthrax,or small pox or the country's preparedness for disaster,or is he just trying to put a whole lot of information to appear like it's important news.I would say it's the latter. This is typical of how the media presents a lot of it's information these days,don't accept this kind of news as news because it's not. Finding one critic who would rather the money go to smog control is hardly headline news.

"It should be obvious, that if you pay for several (say 10 or 15 different language shcools, and 5 or 6 different religions) different systems, and administrative staff for each of them, that none of them will be adequately funded."-ERR In Canada we pride ourselves to be a multicultural country that gives everyone the opportunity to develop their culture within our borders.From your statement you are telling people they can't do that unless they pay for it themselves.We take in refugees and immigrants that don't have the funds to do this, yet they want their children to know their languages and religion. Why can't they be allowed to be assimulated into Canadian society through the schools they feel most comfortable in? Immigrants who go into public school system end up dropping out because they can't cope with the drastic cultural change. ESL becomes a burden on the public school, and in the end these kids end up without any education,and thus may become a burden to the society their parents had so much hope for. I gather in your thinking,there should only be one way and one place to educate people when public money is being used(even though all of us are the publlic).Sorry Err, but in the real world-Different strokes for different folks,and that's for everything that is done in our society.You can't pidgeon hole people to think the way you do.

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation in Northern Quebec asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a young Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, not wanting to admit his ignorance,and to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called Environment Canada in Ottawa and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called Environment Canada again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at Ottawa's Environment Canada office, replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Chief called the meteorologist again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The meteorologist replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."

If the rich want to fly to Australia to have a kangaroo pouch put on their stomach, let them... but they should pay the entire cost... not one penny for public money should go towards it. Similarly, if they want to go to a private Hindu school in Sudbury, let's not stop them... but they have to pay the whole shot... we have a public system, and if they don't want to utilize it, they don't have to... nobody is forcing them to.... but the public should only pay for one universal system... Err,you seem to have a problem with the Public that are financially well off,aren't they still part of the public? Shouldn't members of the public regardless of financial status,religion,health needs ect.,who contribute to the public purse have some rights to that purse? Should Catholic schools be removed from the public purse because they are a religious school, don't Catholics pay taxes too. Why shouldn't a Hindu school in Sudbury not have a share of the taxes to run their school? If my child needs special attention for a health crisis isn't her health the most important issue and the urgency of her getting the best help immediately,and if it is not available in public health care but is available in the private,does it really matter where the tax money goes? The public is made up of everybody and we all make our own choices as to how to run our life. You attitude appears to be my public,my way or the highway. Remember the Public is me you,rich,poor,Catholic,Hindu,whatever,all of us.Our public purse is there for all of us to share,because it is our public purse. Your'e too hung up on the word "private"

Jack....negotiating skills? I'm surprised Martin didn't charge him a user fee.

Yea err, I hear where your coming from.And while we're at it, let's ban SUVs 'cause they use too much gas and let's ban fast foods 'cause they make people fat and that's no good for the health system, and let's ban TV 'cause there's too much American stuff on it and that's no good for our culture and let's ban polical parties because they are corrupt and don't use our money wisely and let's ban the press because it's all propaganda...and.... Yea err, let's do all that because what's good for you is always going to be good for me.

Harper:: " If you don't stop I'm warning you I'll give you a senate appointment IF WE ever get elected!!!" Harper would never use a line like that, it's actually been used by the Libs too many times. 56% of Canadians say that Pauly is good for ship,and should walk the plank. time for the Libs to send their captain Big P on shore leave. Give it up THELIBERAL,your captain can't navigate.

THELIBERAL-love you and your messages,especially when I see you refer to a link, I KNOW I have to read it 'cause I KNOW you refuse to quote ALL the good parts you purposely leave out. This time the juicy news was: The percentage of Canadians who approve of the job being done by Prime Minister Paul Martin has continued its steady year long decline and now stands at an all-time low of 41 percent. Over half of Canadians (56%) now disapprove of Paul Martin. Thanks to THELIBERAL for the news that 56% of Canadians disapprove of Pauly and the number is climbing. Looks like it's time for the Liberals pack in the Big P.

After a long trip from Ottawa,a Quebec advertising agency executive walks into a Montreal bank, and after waiting for 20 minutes in line, he goes up to a customer service rep. and says, Hey, lady, I got this here check for deposit and I'll be goddamned if I am going to wait my ass on line anymore." "Please", says the woman. "I won't have that kind of language in this bank." "Well excuse me, but this damn check ain't drawing any goddamned interest with you yappin' away about my language." "Sir, I don't have to take this abuse" she says. "Well then let's get the bad ass manager okay? I mean what kind of crap is this I have to take from you?" The manager is summoned, and says "What seems to be the problem?" The woman says, "This man is using vulgar language and I won't stand for it." The man says "Hey alls I'm trying to do in this goddamned bank, for Christ's sake is deposit this damn check for 15 million dollars." The manager looks at the check and then at the man and says "And this smart ass bitch won't help you?"

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person for the PM's office asked a young graduate fresh out of McGill, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The grad said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full one tier medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?" The New Grad sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

An Alberta farmer was herding his cattle in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new SUV with Ontario plates advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie leaned out of the window and asked our farmer: "If I can tell you exactly how many calves you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The Alberta farmer looks at the dude, then at his peacefully grazing cattle and calmly answers "sure!" The dude parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cell-phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a database and some 60 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. Finally he prints out a 150 page report on his hi- tech miniaturized printer, turns round to our farmer and says: "you have here exactly 158 calves!" "This is correct. As agreed, you can take one of the calves," says the farmer. He watches the young man make a selection and bundle it in his SUV. Then he says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me my calf back?" "Okay, why not" answers the young man. "You are a political pollster," says the farmer. "This is correct," says the dude, "How did you guess that?" "Easy" answers the farmer. "You turn up here although nobody called you. You want to be paid for the answer to a question I already knew the solution to. And you don't know anything about my business because you took my Great Dane."!

Boy this all sounds bad,real bad for Alberta. How far down the road is everyone predicting the collapse of Alberta? Hope it's not next year I have plans to go to Stampede.

Anybody got the latest on party leader approval ratings?

Although it might appear to benefit someone,I think there are too many sites on the net and this will make it hard for any one party to be a choice "of the Net". I think People have a tendacy to go to sites that they feel comfortable in and thus they stick with sites that think like they do.

A man starts his trip in a hot air balloon in Quebec but while flying realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 45 and 46 degrees north latitude and between 75 and 76 degrees west longitude." "You must be an government worker," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far." The woman below responded, "You must be a Liberal Politician." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"

We should be so proud of our achievement in receiving this prestigious award. http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2005...1143766-cp.html