Canuck E Stan

One day the Liberal secret scientist spoke to Paul Martin. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The scientist said. Paul looked at the scientist and replied, "The fact is, you should give me the good news first." Smiling, the Liberal secret scientist explained, "I've got two new improved pills for the Federal Liberal MP's, one is called the Super-X brain pill. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with each other. The other pill I have for you is called a Super-Toonie-Loonie pill. It will give you great abilities to do financial calculations and allow you to use money wisely, and never waste taxpayer money ever again. Liberals,those especially in Ontario will be very happy that you now have these pills to give to your MP's to prevent corruption and stupidity in government" Paul, very excited, exclaimed, "The fact is,these are great pills you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such a great breakthrough?" The Scientist looked at Paul and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two pills at the same time."

Is it time folks?

Here's what John Williamson's of CTF says about what the government is doing about the high price: While drivers have been suffering, the soaring pump prices have been a boon to government coffers. According to the Canadian Taxpayers Federation, the government collected $4.5 billion in combined federal gasoline and diesel taxes in fiscal 2004-2005. As well, between fiscal 1996-1997 and 2004-2005, GST revenues from gasoline sales rose from $909 million to $1.2 billion -- a 31% increase. The CTF estimates that at current gas price levels, the feds are on track to pocket an extra $175 million this year, bringing total annual GST gas revenues to more than $1.35 billion. "Canadians unhappy about gas prices should blame the government -- particularly the rascals in Ottawa -- because they have the ability to lower taxes," notes John Williamson, of the Canadian Taxpayers Federation. "With crude prices and consumption predicted to climb, it is time for the federal government to give motorists a break at the pump." He notes that gas taxes represent between 30% and 43% of the pump price, depending on the province. The CTF is urging Ottawa to cut gas taxes by 5 cents a litre.

A family of Liberal supporters head out one Saturday to do some birthday shopping. While in a mall T-shirt shop, the son picks up a Conservative T-shirt and says to his sister, "I've decided I'm going to be a Conservative supporter and I'd like this T-shirt for my birthday!" The sister is outraged at this, promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to your mother." Off goes the lad, with the Conservative T-shirt in hand and finds his mother. "Mum","Yes, son ?", "I've decided I'm going to be a Conservative supporter and I'd like this T-shirt for my birthday." The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to your father." Off he goes with the Conservative T-shirt in hand and finds his father. "Dad." "Yes, son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Conservative supporter and I would like this T-shirt for my birthday." The father is outraged at this, promptly whacks his son round the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!" About half an hour later, they are all back in the car heading home. The father turns to the son and says, "Son, I hope you've learned an important lesson today?" The son turns to his father and says, "Yes, Father, I have". Father says,"Good son, and what is it?" The son replies "I've only been a Conservative supporter for an hour and already I hate you Liberal bastards!!!"

One cold winter day two NDPers were ice fishing at -38c on the Rideau River (a big river that passes through Ottawa) when all of a sudden the ice breaks, and the two NDPers drown and go to hell. In hell the devil sees the NDPers, and sees that they are so happy because it was warm in hell. Since you can’t have fun in hell the Devil turns up the heat, but the hotter it gets the happier the NDPers are. Ticked off the Devil turns down the heat so much that hell froze over. The devil thought that the NDPers were sure to be miserable now, but when he looked they were happier than ever. Fed up with this the devil goes to the two NDPers and asked why they were so happy. They tell him that since Hell froze over the NDPers must have won the next Federal election and that Jack Layton is prime minister.

Every nation in attendance at an international symposium on deer had to deliver a report on the animals. France's report: "The Love Life of an deer." America saw the economic values in: "Raising deer for Fun and Profit." Great Britain had their own unique view: "The deer and the British Empire." The Canadian report was, of course, typically Canadian... "The Deer: A Federal or Provincial Responsibility?"

The Federal Government is like a tree full of monkeys... all on different limbs,... at different levels,... some climbing up. The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

From Paul Jackson's column in the Sun: Jean's neatly crafted 'bio' is meant to paint her as a valiant lady who achieved considerable fame after supposedly fleeing the evil regime of Papa Doc Duvalier's Haiti. Came here penniless, couldn't even speak English, and worked her way to the top doing menial jobs. That's the image the Liberals like. It's so heartening and inspiring. In reality, she came from a privileged Haitian family, hardly like some truly wretched Cuban refugee clinging to a raft. Went to university in Montreal, Florence, Milan and Perugia, Italy and mastered French, English, Spanish and Italian. Commendable, but hardly the stuff of a destitute refugee climbing steadily to the top through minimum wage jobs. It's all a bit like Alice in Wonderland. She came from a privileged Haitian family, how come we didn't hear about her family, but were led to believe she was a poor refugee? Anybody know anything about her "priviledged" family?

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, all the Catholics in a close knit community of Montreal got up early and went to their local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one, Paul Martin Jr.,who sat calmly in his pew, not moving . . . seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to Paul and said, "Don't you know who I am?" Paul replied, "As a matter of fact, I do." Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" "the fact is I'm not," said Paul. Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" Paul calmly replied, "I worked as finance minister for your brother for 10 years."

Hey Shoop, money isn't important to Mirror, he wants Canada to be like Finland and have the country take care of him from craddle to grave.

NO JOKE!! MUST READ!!! WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY! THIS IS SERIOUS! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= If you get an envelope from a company called the Revenue Canada,' DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the Canadian government. This is untrue! The money that Revenue Canada collects is used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering projects. This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Human Resources and Skills Development Canada, who claim to take money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the Human Resources and Skills Development Canada uses the money to pay for the same misguided make-work projects that Revenue Canada helps mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Canadians out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them! FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW .

Sorry, I forgot, it's Layton who's running the country now and not Captain Paul. Sorry again.

Here's a factor I think will play big on the next bunch of polls coming out of Ontario. I think people are starting to get nervous about the so called "great economy" in Canada. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/Art...siness/Canadian "Manufacturers such as furniture and auto-parts makers have slashed 106,000 positions in the past year, stung by a strong Canadian dollar and heated competition from abroad. Ontario, home to much of Canada's manufacturing activity, has lost 52,000 jobs in the past year. Odds are, the bleeding will continue." Along with that the federal government recorded a surplus of $3.1 billion in the first two months of this fiscal year(April/May). People may worry about how much the more the Liberals will try to squeeze from Canadians. Paul may be in trouble in Ontario.

Interesting stuff, how do we get these ideas through to Ottawa to even consider? I'm afraid any ideas that the main parties don't like won't go far. The Liberals would never go for something democratic. They love the democratic deficeit, it keeps them in power.We the people want democracy in this country and our politicians won't give it to us:(

During a neighborhood party here, I got into an argument with my neighbour, Anne, about party politics. Finally, she asked me why I was such a dedicated Conservative. I told her that my Father and grandfather were Conservatives before me and that I was carrying on the family tradition. "That's it?" said my exasperated neighbour. "What if your Father and grandfather had been horse thieves?" "Well..." I replied, "I suppose then I'd be a Liberal like you."

MP Nina Grewal accompanied her husband Grumant to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called Nina into his office alone. "Grumant is suffering from a very severe tape worm disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix Grumant a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly. Make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely. On the way home, Grumant asked his wife, "What did the doctor say to you?" "You're going to die," she replied.

If the GG position is of such importance as some posts have stated, why wouldn"t the Liberals also take this position seriously. Instead they put in individuals who have no experience with constitutional matters and thus turn this position into nothing but a "PR" type of job. Wouldn't experience be vital with the way the present political situation is, and who are these constitutional expert advisors Jean will consult? Jean would only be a mouthpiece for (Liberal?) experts. Are there not individuals that could do this job without apprenticing in this position? From Canada.com: Jean quickly acknowledged that she's no constitutional expert -- a key aspect of the governor general's job these days as Martin's minority Liberal government struggles to hang on to power. But she vowed to seek out expert advice as quickly as possible, once on the job. "I will take my responsibilities very, very seriously. I will be asking lots of questions." That willingness to learn will be vital in the coming months as the new governor general could be suddenly pulled into a constitutional crisis if Martin's minority government falters, said political scientist Heather MacIvor.

Bakuunin, from my other GG thread, With a history of Quebec French hating the English in Quebec, wouldn't doing away with the Queen and things like her face on coins plus all the other "English Monarchy" traditions bring back a lot of the separatist Quebecers into Canada. I believe many of French Quebecers and Immigrants too, resent having ties to the English monarchy for so long and believe Canada should after 137 years give it up.Has anyone thought about what getting rid of the GG and the Monarchy connection in Canada would mean to the popularity of the Separatists in Quebec? What do you think?

I believe Canada's debt is 570 billion, unless the 110 billion you mention is Quebec's debt. At 570 billion, maybe by 2016 we will have paid off some and it will only be 560 billion. Canada's ranking in debt: http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbo...r/2079rank.html

With a history of Quebec French hating the English in Quebec, wouldn't doing away with the Queen and things like her face on coins plus all the other "English Monarchy" traditions bring back a lot of the separatist Quebecers into Canada. I believe many of French Quebecers and Immigrants too, resent having ties to the English monarchy for so long and believe Canada should after 137 years give it up.Has anyone thought about what getting rid of the GG and the Monarchy connection in Canada would mean to the popularity of the Separatists in Quebec?

New GG announced http://www.cbc.ca/story/canada/national/20...3/gg050803.html Is this the way to become a GG, first be on the CBC payroll then become GG?

Canada may not win the 2016 Olympics bid..... It will be different to go to the Olympics in a "foreign" country so close to Canada.How will the new country of Quebec pay for this expenditure? Borrow from Canada? Or sell Canada some surplus land? It could be an excellent tourist event for this new country. I as a Canadian can hardly wait to go.

Larry Campbell is perfect, he's just like Martin. Full of ideas on how to run Vancouver but hasn't the ability to do it. Another hasbeen sent to the senate for supporting an even bigger dithering hasbeen.

A few years back,Jean Chretien was meeting with officials in Flin Flon [Manitoba]. It was a very hot day and the ceremonies took place outside in a local grandstand. The Mayor was surprised to see that Chretien was wearing a large fox fur hat, despite the heat. After a while the mayor leaned over and spoke up. "Excuse me Mr. Prime Minister, but I can't help wondering why you are wearing that fox hat when it is so warm?" Chretien shrugged. "Well, you know 'ow it is", he replied. "My wife is da dresser in my family, so I always take 'er advise. If I go to de Maritime, she say 'Wear da toque'. If I go to Calgaree, she say 'Wear da stetson'. Dis time she ask me where I go and I say Flin Flon. She say 'Wear de fucks 'at ?' So I did!

Politicians are like old gas lawn mowers, they're hard to get started,emit loud noises, and don't work half the time.