Confused on cyber bullying

[guyser]

According to her FB video, police knocked on her door at 4am during Christmas break to tell her that her photo had been sent to everyone - which led to her depression and problems with alcohol. Apparently she moved a couple of times after that because she says she lost her friends and respect because of the photo. It seems to me the police would have been investigating from that point forward. The RCMP are, of course, investigating now, but apparently there's a lot of interference and false information being given - the wrong man's name and address was even put out on the web, and apparently he was receiving death threats.

According to her FB video, part of the bullying was also due to her sleeping with a boy while his girlfriend was on vacation - later he and his girlfriend and 15 other people went to the school and beat her up - teachers came to break it up but she just went and laid down in a ditch, where her dad found her - and she didn't want to press charges, so she didn't. That's according to her video. Sounds rather unlikely to me.

At any rate, not much is known about whoever it was that took her pic - including his age. It'll be interesting to see what comes of this, but I have to wonder how it escalated to the point that it did - if the police knew about it since the day they supposedly knocked on her door and teachers did actually see her get beat up. It sounds as if the police now have their work cut out for them getting to the bottom of this, but I sure hope they are able to do just that.

This the story that I have heard and it is heartbreaking to hear.

I am sorry timg., but your response was far too harsh .

I understand she tried to stay off social media., but she also was bombarded with bleach bottles in public (she tried drinking bleach to kill herself) she was shouted at numerous times to try a different bleach, a stronger one that will kill you...'Hope you die'.

She was punched out and decided to stay in the ditch because she was so humiliated and defeated, and thats were her dad found her. She sliced herself and was in hospital for two days.

Razor packs dropped around her at school followed next.

I am surprised she lasted as long as she did. Poor kid.

Yes, her parents may have been too something...naive, stupid, I dont know and cant comment on what I dont know, but someone somewhere did not follow through.

She was 12 and thought it cute (sexy) to flash the boobs on the internet. Dumb really dumb, but she was 12 or so and they do dumb things. None of us would be happy, and likely all of us would be mortified to know that everyone we know has a pic of us naked. Apply that to a teen girl and its arecipe for disaster , humliation, insecurity and......as we see, thoughts and actions leading up to suicide.

Where were the people looking out for her? Her parents, her peers, there older sisters and brothers , the shole gamut? I dont know, and I dont blame them per se, but it is sad all around that no one could step in and stop the majority of it,

Social media is a wonderful tool used in a horrible manner. The constant, and I mean constant bombardment to this girl is unfathomable. Bullies used to have to make the rounds in person, telling the same story over and over to get people on the bullies side. That took time, patience and was generally discarded in time as too time consuming and not worth it.

Now it takes 5 minutes.

[Mighty AC]

In the past bullying existed at school and that's about it. Now, through the net and texts, bullying follows kids home, to new schools, etc. They don't get a break and they can't escape it. Kids can unfriend bullies and block texts, however, they know that they are still being publicly ridiculed behind their backs and are reminded of that fact in person every day. Schools are near powerless to prevent the attacks and reliably protect victims.

[Signals.Cpl]

In the past bullying existed at school and that's about it. Now, through the net and texts, bullying follows kids home, to new schools, etc. They don't get a break and they can't escape it. Kids can unfriend bullies and block texts, however, they know that they are still being publicly ridiculed behind their backs and are reminded of that fact in person every day. Schools are near powerless to prevent the attacks and reliably protect victims.

Schools don't need to be powerless, they can suspend/expel bullies and if that should fail to get the message across then police should get involved with progressively tougher punishments. Right now there are parents who are informed that their child is a bully and they don't take it seriously, but they will have to take it seriously and take actions to stop their children if the police starts fining the children and by extend the parents and if necessary place a restraining order and progressively larger distances if necessary...

[blueblood]

To me that sounds like borderline harassment. However it is pretty light evidence to take to court as the perp. Can state somebody else was using the account.

The other problem with constant bombardment in social media is the fact a person doesn't have to face their victim which also depletes any hope of remorse when confronting someone face to face. Also social media provides a greater platform for what I call "the tough guy from 25 yards away" or the suddenly tough person who freaks out in the back of a police car when the door is closed.

My 2 cents would have to be a regulation for Facebook in that users would have to require a password confirmation every x amount of time to ensure that the users are who they are and that nobody is messing around with their accounts sort of like an electronic sig. That some organizations go through. That would help with law enforcement obtaining warrants to get a users information which should lead to an arrest. I know Facebook is prickly about fake users and shenanigans regarding people using others accounts.

I'm wondering if the RCMP are in the middle of an ITO to the JP or judge to get a warrant to go through mr. Pervs Facebook account.

However from my understanding of the ycja, it's quite a process to get a y.o. To serve jail time and rightfully so.

I wonder if the cops are in the process of

[Bonam]

Seems like a case that should be prosecuted as possession of child pornography to me.

Regarding whoever said it was "closer to murder", I disagree. Verbally harassing someone until they become unhappy enough with their life to committ suicide, while definitely not a good thing, cannot and should not be prosecuted as any kind of murder.

Now, going away from this particular case and on the topic of cyberbullying in general... I think it's way overblown. Remember, the case we are talking about includes child pornography, harassment, blackmail, suicide, it's not a case of just "cyberbullying". Cyberbullying itself is basically posting unkind things about, making fun of, embarassing someone, etc, through online means such as facebook. Now, as someone who was bullied plenty when I was in school, I can tell you this, bullies saying unkind things never bothered me: they were a bunch of stupid idiots, and so was anyone who decided to join their packs. On the other hand, when you get attacked physically by a group of people, there's not much you can do besides suffer whatever injuries they decide to inflict on you (unless you are possessed of fighting skills that let you defend yourself against a pack of thugs). And them being a bunch of stupid schoolkids who don't know much, they may well inflict serious injuries without even meaning to. Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me, as the old saying goes. Physical bullying in schools is still, and will always be, more serious than "cyberbullying" in my eyes.

[Signals.Cpl]

Seems like a case that should be prosecuted as possession of child pornography to me.

Regarding whoever said it was "closer to murder", I disagree. Verbally harassing someone until they become unhappy enough with their life to committ suicide, while definitely not a good thing, cannot and should not be prosecuted as any kind of murder.

It should be considered murder If I invest years of my time stalking you , finding your new school and spreading the information there. The end result should be viewed to determine the crime committed, this guy if he is older as I read in some article knew very well what the end result would be when he went after her, most of the bullying by other kids could be attributed in one form or another to the stalker because he destroyed any possibility for her to have friends in school, made her a very easy target.

All I can say is that if I get a 12 year old girl to show me her chest and then use that picture to in effect destroy her life and should she move to a different school stalk her and do it over and over again while simultaneously blackmailing her and terrorizing her in any number of ways I am responsible for the end result. I have been through hard times in my life and I assume many people on this forum have been through similar experiences, the main difference here is that most of us see the light at the end of the tunnel we know that there is an end to our suffering, she did not see that light mainly because someone made it their business in life to extinguish that light. She knew that wherever she went, whatever she did this bastard would follow her and she will have to start all over again and the abuse will continue, he in effect gave her only one way out in her mind and that was suicide. I know that this piece of garbage even if arrested will get a light sentence, my hope is that he will receive a just punishment from society and people will turn everything he did to this young girl against him.

[Guest American Woman]

This the story that I have heard and it is heartbreaking to hear.

I understand she tried to stay off social media., but she also was bombarded with bleach bottles in public (she tried drinking bleach to kill herself) she was shouted at numerous times to try a different bleach, a stronger one that will kill you...'Hope you die'.

She was punched out and decided to stay in the ditch because she was so humiliated and defeated, and thats were her dad found her.

I don't understand that, though; how could teachers witness what was in effect a gang beating - a girl on the ground being punched out, 15 people involved - and not do anything about it? Just leave the girl who was beat up to walk off? How could the police not have been called? How could her dad have found her beat up, lying in a ditch and not call the police?

But look at the 'hope you die' type responses from adults, on this forum, even; we can hardly expect any differently from kids. Furthermore, with Photoshop, one needn't even provide nude shots/opportunities for others to put such images out there - and adults engage in this type of activity, so again, it's not surprising that kids do what they do. I don't know what the answer is, but it seems to me that there has to be the same liability applied to the internet that's applied to the printed word,.

She sliced herself and was in hospital for two days.

Razor packs dropped around her at school followed next.

I don't get this either. She had to have been bruised following the beating she received, and since she ended up in the hospital, even though she didn't want to press charges, why did no one in authority call the police? It's not as if she would have had a choice in whether or not charges were made - when a criminal act occurs, the police make charges. Apparently there were witnesses - the teachers she referred to at the very least.

I am surprised she lasted as long as she did. Poor kid.

Yes, her parents may have been too something...naive, stupid, I dont know and cant comment on what I dont know, but someone somewhere did not follow through.

I feel for her. I can't watch her video and not feel sorrow; at the same time, I hope the RCMP are able to sort out what really happened.

She was 12 and thought it cute (sexy) to flash the boobs on the internet.

She was flattered by the compliments she was receiving. She did say going on the internet and meeting and talking to new people was something that she and her friends did together. She's not the only one to use the internet this way by any means. I think the internet can be scary for kids this age - as they don't have the maturity to deal with some of the sites/activities that they can log onto - and of course there are predators out there who can, and do, use such sites anonymously.

Dumb really dumb, but she was 12 or so and they do dumb things. None of us would be happy, and likely all of us would be mortified to know that everyone we know has a pic of us naked. Apply that to a teen girl and its arecipe for disaster , humliation, insecurity and......as we see, thoughts and actions leading up to suicide.

From what I've read, this isn't an isolated incident. Lots of young girls - and not so young girls - send naked pics of themselves to BF's, who are prone to show the pic around once they break up. It happens in 'Girls Gone Wild'-type settings, too - people just don't realize that anyone can be photographing/filming anything anyone does these days - and it can end up on the internet. Prince Harry found that out, too. He was stupid, too - and he's far from being a naive, unsophisticated 7th grader.

Where were the people looking out for her? Her parents, her peers, there older sisters and brothers , the shole gamut? I dont know, and I dont blame them per se, but it is sad all around that no one could step in and stop the majority of it,

It sounds to me as if her family was there for her. She couldn't have moved by herself, so they had to have been behind her to the extent that they were willing to pick up and move for her sake, which sounds pretty supportive to me. Also, from what I read, she was receiving counseling. I think that's mandatory when one ends up hospitalized for suicide attempts.

Social media is a wonderful tool used in a horrible manner. The constant, and I mean constant bombardment to this girl is unfathomable. Bullies used to have to make the rounds in person, telling the same story over and over to get people on the bullies side. That took time, patience and was generally discarded in time as too time consuming and not worth it.

Now it takes 5 minutes.

That is a huge problem; especially since kids like to jump on the bandwagon, too often not thinking through their actions. I don't understand why her friends would turn on her, though; why no one was on her side. The reaction to her suicide and video has been tremendous - where were all of those people while this was happening to her? Where were at least some of them?

As I said, I'm glad this is being investigated by the RCMP - and I hope they get to the bottom of it. Perhaps they will find that some of it was in the mind of a young, disturbed girl. Her judgement didn't seem to improve with age/experience, as part of her problem was the aftermath of knowingly sleeping with someone else's BF.

I've read that there is a lot of concern that her video and death and resulting websites/comments, such as those depicting her literally as an angel, will glorify suicide and lead those who are feeling bullied to believe that they can be immortalized this way.

At any rate, kids are growing up with this kind of technology; it's part of their life in the same way tv was part of ours. Kids aren't going to stay off the internet, and kids aren't going to be able to distance themselves from what is put out there. I'm afraid it's something kids are going to have to live with and learn how to deal with. Should schools step up and take some responsibility for teaching them?

Edited October 20, 2012 by American Woman

[MiddleClassCentrist]

Social media bullying is affecting girls more than boys, it fits into the emotional/social/backstabbing bullying nature of girls. I was bullied throughout my elementary years. My friends called me a gentle giant because I was always taller than everyone else. All of my bullies were female, I suppose the males were too scared to pick on me. Though I'm now an adult, it has left its mark on my psyche and I still get sometimes severe anxiety when someone in my peer group pokes fun at something I do making me the centre of attention, even though after the fact I can logically work out that it was in friendly jest and not mean spirited.

Now, I was lucky because social media wasn't ubiquitous... you couldn't just text message behind peoples backs, point and laugh at them. Afterschool I was with friends. I wasn't receiving hate mail, I wasn't receiving texts calling me gross/more horrible things, they weren't posting pictures of me taken by cellphones. Today it must really suck to be the target of bullying. We should be doing more to stop this harassment.

[betsy]

They shouldnt have to avoid the internet, and you should not have had to avoid using that street, or a highschool cafeteria or any place else for that matter. A lot of this stuff is actually criminal acts... things like slander/libel, verbal and physical assault, etc. You shouldnt have avoid places because theres criminals might attack you if you go there, the criminals should get locked up.

You're right. They shouldn't have to avoid using the internet or the street...or avoid walking down the dark alley.....or avoid a couple of obvious drunks on a lonely street....or avoid hitching a ride......

I don't know about you. But I'd rather see my daughter make it safe back home intact, than saying, "if anyone kills or rape my daughter, I'll hunt you to the ends of the earth!" I'd rather not go through the episode of having a wake and burying my child. I'll make sure I drum a list of survival methods in my daughter's head....starting with simple common sense.

If that bully you mentioned made any physical contact with you at all, then he was a criminal. He should go to jail, and you should be allowed to walk down any damn public street you want.

If you make it out alive, you can even testify. Physical damage is not all we have to worry about for survivors. The psychological damage is equally important.

I'd rather practice good, sensible judgement than taking such a risk with so much at stake. I wonder how many dead people would've said, "If only...."

The biggest problem is that we as adults lend tacit approval to this behavior because we dont enforce the law. If I kicked or punched you in the lineup at the supermarket there would be assault charges. But when a kid kicks or punches another kid at school then oh well "they're just being kids". If anything they get a detention or a suspension from school, they almost never get properly charged.

Enforce laws around slander, libel, assault, and harrassment and you would go a long way towards reducing this issue. And levy fines against the parents of any child found guilty of these things, so the do their part to make sure their kids stops the behavior.

The problem isn't all that simple. There are many contributing factors to the kind of mentality we've got today among the young. The bullying is just the tip.

We should be concerned about the lack of empathy, the savageness, the lack of respect to human life....look at the news everyday. It's not about mere legislations anymore. It's society as a whole! We must be doing something so damaging to have mass-produced such little terrors!

Edited October 20, 2012 by betsy

[Guest Peeves]

Seems like a case that should be prosecuted as possession of child pornography to me.

Regarding whoever said it was "closer to murder", I disagree. Verbally harassing someone until they become unhappy enough with their life to committ suicide, while definitely not a good thing, cannot and should not be prosecuted as any kind of murder.

Now, going away from this particular case and on the topic of cyberbullying in general... I think it's way overblown. Remember, the case we are talking about includes child pornography, harassment, blackmail, suicide, it's not a case of just "cyberbullying". Cyberbullying itself is basically posting unkind things about, making fun of, embarassing someone, etc, through online means such as facebook. Now, as someone who was bullied plenty when I was in school, I can tell you this, bullies saying unkind things never bothered me: they were a bunch of stupid idiots, and so was anyone who decided to join their packs. On the other hand, when you get attacked physically by a group of people, there's not much you can do besides suffer whatever injuries they decide to inflict on you (unless you are possessed of fighting skills that let you defend yourself against a pack of thugs). And them being a bunch of stupid schoolkids who don't know much, they may well inflict serious injuries without even meaning to. Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me, as the old saying goes. Physical bullying in schools is still, and will always be, more serious than "cyberbullying" in my eyes.

I agree and still think any simple case that entails only cyber bullying can be ignored. As here, if you don't like the atmosphere, a particular poster, either leave, ignore, or laugh at them.

I think that children using computers need be monitored closely.

Edited October 20, 2012 by Peeves

[GostHacked]

That may have worked in the '50s, but nowadays you might not even know your tormenter, thanks to the internet. And even if you do, confronting them face to face could result in a beatdown or worse.

If you let people online get to you then that might be more of a problem with yourself than others. Either you confront it, or simply ignore it. I'd rather get a beat down for standing up for myself than getting a beat down for being a wuss.

This also talks about the society we currently live in. We are so obsessed with this digital technology we cannot put it down and with constant bully updates, one can constantly be stressed because they are always buried into their digital devices getting these updates. Oh no my bully posted something about me again ... really who cares, so it's good to just put the technology down and go live your life. Life is too short to worry about that kind of thing.

[GostHacked]

To me that sounds like borderline harassment. However it is pretty light evidence to take to court as the perp. Can state somebody else was using the account.

It definitely crosses the border into harassment, in my opinion.