Should we ban forced marriages?

[Jack Weber]

Evidence?

The Catholic Church is pretty strong. It's the more lefty sects like the Anglican and United Churches that are losing members.

It's one of the reasons why I left the United Church...

It should be noted that there is a split in the Anglican sects between the so called "progressive" (I hate that term) sects and more traditional conservative sects...

[cybercoma]

It's impossible to enforce.

Our modern notions of marriage for romantic love are relatively modern as well (last few hundred years). Previously, marriages in the West were also arranged by families for reasons other than romance. Typically it was a way of cementing ties between families, increasing landholdings, etc. Prior to that we engaged in group marriages where communities worked together to raise families and often times these arrangements were matrilineal and polyamorous.

Seeing as more than 50% of marriages end in divorce now, it's tough to say that any particular arrangement is better than another. Arranged marriages appear to have lower divorce rates. However, that's probably because those who get into them are more religious to begin with and face intense pressure not to break those covenants.

People should be able to choose their own partner in whatever way they see fit. The problem is many might choose arranged marriage because they don't know any different or because they feel they have to so they're not rejected by their communities. You can't create some perfect space where aren't socialized into doing what their communities find acceptable, whether that's arranged marriage or not.

At the end of the day, I think banning it removes the choice from people the same way as arranged marriage itself removes choice from a person. I'm appalled at the amount of abuse and coercion that occurs in many arranged marriage situations, but that doesn't mean that all of them are like that. Moreover, it would be impossible to enforce a ban on it, so really there's no point to it.

[Shakeyhands]

No I think he's right in a particular way that we, need to make sure people from other countries do not import those aspects of their culture that go against the laws of Canada. While I'm sure many families from countries with arranged marriages would like to see their children continue those traditions, they have to accept the fact that if their children disagree, then they are protected by the laws of Canada.

At this point I'm not sure if it's even illegal. But then the question is, does it need to be, ie. do we need a specific law for this. I think not. If anyone refuses to participate in a ceremony, they have the right to remove themselves from it. Anyone stopping them could be charged with something like forcible confinement, kidnapping, something like that. If threats of violence are used, there are laws for that.

I think the larger concern is that in a democracy, it's possible that one day the people who believe in these archaic practices might dominate the legislature and could possibly change the laws, so that Sharia law might become the law of the land. We need to take steps to protect the idea of Canada. People who emmigrate here have to embrace the ideas of Canada, that is, liberty and equality.

I work in an office that is predominately Muslim, in fact I am the only non Muslim. The owner is of Pakistani origin with two daughters and a son. We have had MANY long conversations about all things Islam. They do not "force" marriage on any one. The children pick someone that they are interested in and the parents then approach the other parents to find out if their son or daughter is interested in the other, there is nothing forced about. It's all quite nice and fits in with both their religion and culture. His daughters are interesting, both very western despite not being born here. One wears a scarf and the other doesn't. They choose how they want to live, the parents do not decide who wears what. The older daughter made the conscious decision to wear it the scarf for her own reasons.

[cybercoma]

I work in an office that is predominately Muslim, in fact I am the only non Muslim. The owner is of Pakistani origin with two daughters and a son. We have had MANY long conversations about all things Islam. They do not "force" marriage on any one. The children pick someone that they are interested in and the parents then approach the other parents to find out if their son or daughter is interested in the other, there is nothing forced about. It's all quite nice and fits in with both their religion and culture. His daughters are interesting, both very western despite not being born here. One wears a scarf and the other doesn't. They choose how they want to live, the parents do not decide who wears what. The older daughter made the conscious decision to wear it the scarf for her own reasons.

Reading this reminds me of traditional Western marriage customs. A similar question might be asked (although it doesn't always happen this way, but neither do "arranged" marriages in other customs always happen): should we ban a boyfriend from asking a girlfriend's father for permission to marry her? It's a similar tradition in the sense that the woman has no choice and is "given away" by the father.

[RB]

We should! No one should be forced to marry someone they don't want to marry, correct?

I don't believe in force marriages. However, some cultures do practice arrange marriages akin to mail order brides, finding your Philippines bride, Russian bride, or royalty marrying their own. These marriages seem to last. I don't have the stats but a lot of those marriages survive the over 50% divorce. I see nothing wrong with arrange marriages if the person is given a choice but wishes their parent to choose for them.

[sharkman]

I work in an office that is predominately Muslim, in fact I am the only non Muslim. The owner is of Pakistani origin with two daughters and a son. We have had MANY long conversations about all things Islam. They do not "force" marriage on any one. The children pick someone that they are interested in and the parents then approach the other parents to find out if their son or daughter is interested in the other, there is nothing forced about. It's all quite nice and fits in with both their religion and culture. His daughters are interesting, both very western despite not being born here. One wears a scarf and the other doesn't. They choose how they want to live, the parents do not decide who wears what. The older daughter made the conscious decision to wear it the scarf for her own reasons.

That is an encouraging story, but you can't extrapolate from one person's experience that all Muslims behave one way with regards to this issue.