Love?

[August1991]

I used to think that it was a promised kept.

Now, I think that it is a new discovery - shared.

[eyeball]

I think it's a mix of biology and culture.

[Guest]

Love is a choice.

Nothing more, nothing less.

You're not entitled to it.

A child should be loved, but isn't entitled to it. Being a parent or responsible for one, isn't the same as loving one. Look at the youth on our streets. Even that responsibility isn't an entitlement.

Tons of adults who should not have been allowed to breed.

Same goes with relationships.

I have tried "fixing" a broken woman with my love before, and had to accept that you cannot fix someone who chooses to remain broken. Its not my job, nor my responsibility. They had me stuck in a series of traps. Guilt laden ones for the most part. One of the adhesives that keep toxic relationships afloat. Obligations being one of the other ones.

That introspective moment that has her decide she needs help, must come from her.

Me divorcing her, was the catalyst to her realizing that love wasn't strong enough to mend the gaps within your collective effort and choices to both make the relationship work.

If you can find someone who chooses to love you, the way you choose to love them in your lifetime, it's a love worth waiting for.

I would stay single, otherwise. 

[Nationalist]

On 10/12/2023 at 11:25 AM, Perspektiv said:

Love is a choice.

Nothing more, nothing less.

You're not entitled to it.

A child should be loved, but isn't entitled to it. Being a parent or responsible for one, isn't the same as loving one. Look at the youth on our streets. Even that responsibility isn't an entitlement.

Tons of adults who should not have been allowed to breed.

Same goes with relationships.

I have tried "fixing" a broken woman with my love before, and had to accept that you cannot fix someone who chooses to remain broken. Its not my job, nor my responsibility. They had me stuck in a series of traps. Guilt laden ones for the most part. One of the adhesives that keep toxic relationships afloat. Obligations being one of the other ones.

That introspective moment that has her decide she needs help, must come from her.

Me divorcing her, was the catalyst to her realizing that love wasn't strong enough to mend the gaps within your collective effort and choices to both make the relationship work.

If you can find someone who chooses to love you, the way you choose to love them in your lifetime, it's a love worth waiting for.

I would stay single, otherwise. 

I'm not sure it's always a choice.

I was 15. I met a girl, also 15, who stole my heart before I knew it was happening. I craved her in every way. It was all consuming and was very hard to end. But at 18, I was in no position to get married. 

I finally married and love my wife. But I chose to settle down with her. I had no choice the first time.

[Guest]

11 minutes ago, Nationalist said:

I'm not sure it's always a choice.

You can't help who you fall for, but loving them is a choice. Remaining with them is a choice. Chemistry is out of your control. 

I fell hard for my ex wife, but I chose to remain with her. This is an ongoing choice. Relationships are of ups and downs, and those choices are more obvious during the rougher patches.

Sure, she guilt tripped me, and was incredibly manipulative, but I ultimately chose to make excuses for her behavior, in order to hold public appearances, while we were a miserable and toxic couple behind closed doors.

She attempted suicide before my eyes with a butcher knife. My heart sank as she collapsed, but all I could think of in bringing her to the ER, was that I couldn't deal with her mental health issues anymore. I wanted out.

I eventually did just that, asking her for a divorce and hoping she would get help.

All of the above, choices. I also chose to seek counseling, to come to grips as to why I would fall so hard for someone so bad for me, when no other woman I had ever dated remotely had anything close to that level of mental health baggage.

I felt I didn't have the choice but to stay with her, but that I had nobody holding a gun to my head. Those "chains" holding me hostage, were guilt, fear, a sense of responsibility for someone who refused to stand on their own two using me as a crutch which tied into the guilt and many other things that hold bad relationships together.

I went without touching up on the legal issues. IE shared property, finances, children, etc.

They in fact were choices.

You are free to deny it, but ironically, that too is a choice.

Keep in mind, I saw a counselor. She didn't sugar coat and that was what I needed, to wake the f*** up after wasting so much of my life with such a partner.