Confused on cyber bullying

[Guest Peeves]

I must be missing something. When I was about 11 years old there was a bully on a street that we could take on the route home. After a couple of events, I realized that it made sense to go a different route and so avoid any confrontation.

Cyber bullying has been discussed here on a couple of cases that became fatal suicides. One was a young lady who had posted a semi-nude picture as requested by a cyber 'crush' then was bullied by his posting the picture which was followed by numerous attacks on here through the computer AND schools.

The other was a gay kid that was attacked on the internet and apparently also at school.

Now I don't see the 'cyber' aspect of this. Surely if you are being bullied on the internet, you avoid the internet. That leaves the school problem which is probably easier to address since it's virtual and the bullies can be pointed out.

So why would anyone return to cyber locations where one can be confronted with bullies?

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/story/2012/10/19/london-bullying-arrests-girls-cyber.html

[guyser]

The problem is any kid cannot refuse the internet because it is needed for school. The constant bombardment by bullies is now 24-7 through many kids at the click of a button.

A kid on any social media is constantly attacked , made fun of etc.

The story of Amanda Todd as I read it should make a grown man cry. She was relentlessly attacked, ridiculed,abused and frankly I have no idea how she lasted so long. That poor kid.

[TimG]

A kid on any social media is constantly attacked, made fun of etc.

No kid needs to be on social media. No one has to use facebook for school.

The story of Amanda Todd as I read it should make a grown man cry. She was relentlessly attacked, ridiculed,abused and frankly I have no idea how she lasted so long. That poor kid.

You must have read something different. What I read is she exposed her breasts to a stranger via a computer web cam. The stranger then distributed the photos and tried to use them for blackmail. She was technically a victim of a crime but it was a crime that would not have happened if she exercised some basic judgement.

I also read that she had all of the support from adults that she could possible hope for but was mentally unstable.

Now I could be missing details but I don't see this as a black and white issue of cyber bullying. I see this as a mentally unstable kid using the Internet available to broadcast her personal issues to the world.

Edited October 19, 2012 by TimG

[Black Dog]

So why would anyone return to cyber locations where one can be confronted with bullies?

Yeah because everyone knows teenagers are, like, super rational beings.

[Black Dog]

IMO, the word bullying itself is a poor, inadequate and minimizing term for what is really systematic abuse and harassment. Want people to take it seriously? Change the language.

[bleeding heart]

You must have read something different. What I read is she exposed her breasts to a stranger via a computer web cam. The stranger then distributed the photos and tried to use them for blackmail. She was technically a victim of a crime but it was a crime that would not have happened if she exercised some basic judgement.

She also read that she had all of the support from adults that she could possible hope for but was mentally unstable.

She was mentally unstable, but should have used better judgment for what is "technically" a crime?

And why does blackmail need the qualifier, by the way? "Technically"?

That's cold, brother, real cold.

[TimG]

And why does blackmail need the qualifier, by the way? "Technically"?

Actually you are right: blackmail is a crime full stop. This girl was a victim of a crime and the media obsession with cyberbulling obsurs that.

[Guest American Woman]

I must be missing something. When I was about 11 years old there was a bully on a street that we could take on the route home. After a couple of events, I realized that it made sense to go a different route and so avoid any confrontation.

Cyber bullying has been discussed here on a couple of cases that became fatal suicides. One was a young lady who had posted a semi-nude picture as requested by a cyber 'crush' then was bullied by his posting the picture which was followed by numerous attacks on here through the computer AND schools.

The other was a gay kid that was attacked on the internet and apparently also at school.

Now I don't see the 'cyber' aspect of this. Surely if you are being bullied on the internet, you avoid the internet. That leaves the school problem which is probably easier to address since it's virtual and the bullies can be pointed out.

So why would anyone return to cyber locations where one can be confronted with bullies?

http://www.cbc.ca/ne...irls-cyber.html

Even if the bullied avoided the sites themselves, others who frequent the sites, often those who are ruled by pack mentality, gain the courage to bully the bullied themselves as part of the pack - and the pack therefore grows. You mentioned the bully on your street - what if that bully had the potential to get more people behind him by whipping up more hate and violence via the internet? You many not have been able to avoid him and those who picked up on his mentality simply by taking a different route. It may not have been that simple to avoid such bullying - if at all.

Also, others besides the bullied who frequent the sites, being kids, are prone to tell the bullied about it. It's not as if kids keep quiet about that sort of thing - they whisper and talk behind other kids' backs, as well - and that talk has a way of getting back to the person in question.

Cyber bullying is a real problem, and the problem and solution ultimately lies with those doing the bullying.

[dre]

I must be missing something. When I was about 11 years old there was a bully on a street that we could take on the route home. After a couple of events, I realized that it made sense to go a different route and so avoid any confrontation.

Cyber bullying has been discussed here on a couple of cases that became fatal suicides. One was a young lady who had posted a semi-nude picture as requested by a cyber 'crush' then was bullied by his posting the picture which was followed by numerous attacks on here through the computer AND schools.

The other was a gay kid that was attacked on the internet and apparently also at school.

Now I don't see the 'cyber' aspect of this. Surely if you are being bullied on the internet, you avoid the internet. That leaves the school problem which is probably easier to address since it's virtual and the bullies can be pointed out.

So why would anyone return to cyber locations where one can be confronted with bullies?

http://www.cbc.ca/ne...irls-cyber.html

They shouldnt have to avoid the internet, and you should not have had to avoid using that street, or a highschool cafeteria or any place else for that matter. A lot of this stuff is actually criminal acts... things like slander/libel, verbal and physical assault, etc. You shouldnt have avoid places because theres criminals might attack you if you go there, the criminals should get locked up.

If that bully you mentioned made any physical contact with you at all, then he was a criminal. He should go to jail, and you should be allowed to walk down any damn public street you want.

The biggest problem is that we as adults lend tacit approval to this behavior because we dont enforce the law. If I kicked or punched you in the lineup at the supermarket there would be assault charges. But when a kid kicks or punches another kid at school then oh well "they're just being kids". If anything they get a detention or a suspension from school, they almost never get properly charged.

Enforce laws around slander, libel, assault, and harrassment and you would go a long way towards reducing this issue. And levy fines against the parents of any child found guilty of these things, so the do their part to make sure their kids stops the behavior.

Edited October 19, 2012 by dre

[GostHacked]

Even if the bullied avoided the sites themselves, others who frequent the sites, often those who are ruled by pack mentality, gain the courage to bully the bullied themselves as part of the pack - and the pack therefore grows. You mentioned the bully on your street - what if that bully had the potential to get more people behind him by whipping up more hate and violence via the internet? You many not have been able to avoid him and those who picked up on his mentality simply by taking a different route. It may not have been that simple to avoid such bullying - if at all.

Also, others besides the bullied who frequent the sites, being kids, are prone to tell the bullied about it. It's not as if kids keep quiet about that sort of thing - they whisper and talk behind other kids' backs, as well - and that talk has a way of getting back to the person in question.

Cyber bullying is a real problem, and the problem and solution ultimately lies with those doing the bullying.

I've had some experiences with bullying as a kid myself. The best way to approach it is to confront the bullies. In many cases when you step up, the bullies end up backing off and crying like a child. Laughing at them as well seems to help marginalize them.

[Black Dog]

I've had some experiences with bullying as a kid myself. The best way to approach it is to confront the bullies. In many cases when you step up, the bullies end up backing off and crying like a child. Laughing at them as well seems to help marginalize them.

That may have worked in the '50s, but nowadays you might not even know your tormenter, thanks to the internet. And even if you do, confronting them face to face could result in a beatdown or worse.

Edited October 19, 2012 by Black Dog

[Guest American Woman]

I've had some experiences with bullying as a kid myself. The best way to approach it is to confront the bullies. In many cases when you step up, the bullies end up backing off and crying like a child. Laughing at them as well seems to help marginalize them.

Depends on the bully and the type of bullying - confronting a bully could very well result in physical injury.

BTW - your sig line breaks the "only 1 URL allowed in a signature" rule -

"We play the game, With the bravery of being out of range", Roger Waters

"Let's you and him fight" Tholian Mantra.

Webster Griffin Tarpley

ohm on soundcloud.com

http://www.youtube.com/user/geraldcelente

http://www.youtube.c...lexJonesChannel

*Warning : This poster might be offensive to some Americans, read post at your own risk*

[Guest Peeves]

Even if the bullied avoided the sites themselves, others who frequent the sites, often those who are ruled by pack mentality, gain the courage to bully the bullied themselves as part of the pack - and the pack therefore grows. You mentioned the bully on your street - what if that bully had the potential to get more people behind him by whipping up more hate and violence via the internet? You many not have been able to avoid him and those who picked up on his mentality simply by taking a different route. It may not have been that simple to avoid such bullying - if at all.

Also, others besides the bullied who frequent the sites, being kids, are prone to tell the bullied about it. It's not as if kids keep quiet about that sort of thing - they whisper and talk behind other kids' backs, as well - and that talk has a way of getting back to the person in question.

Cyber bullying is a real problem, and the problem and solution ultimately lies with those doing the bullying.

So the victim wouldn't avoid any of the attacks if she stayed off the computer?

I wonder. I have read where some have been bullied on the internet for months. If they are, and stay off, only others might tell them what's being said or done. Then it becomes a person you can relate to in some way, report, punch whatever. But it seems some victims do go back to the source? Why? A question of self worth, self flagellation, complex?

Why would they return to the source of bullying.

Certainly no friend would compound the problem by repeating what they were seeing and if another classmate did, they could be identified and reported.

It seems convoluted to me in some of these cases and I wonder why a parent isn't monitoring?

I would not allow a computer in a child's room personally.

[BC_chick]

I also read that she had all of the support from adults that she could possible hope for but was mentally unstable.

Now I could be missing details but I don't see this as a black and white issue of cyber bullying. I see this as a mentally unstable kid using the Internet available to broadcast her personal issues to the world.

She was 12 years old when she flashed someone she thought was her own age. For close to four years after she could not escape that one split-second bad decision that she made while she was, I repeat, *12* years old.

She changed schools, but the cyber bully would blackmail her and sent that image to people at her new school that he friended, once again, pretending to be a teenager.

You say she was mentally unstable but did it ever occur to you that her depression was a result of being bullied? Do you any idea what it's like to be bullied to know what she may have gone through?

[Guest Peeves]

Depends on the bully and the type of bullying - confronting a bully could very well result in physical injury.

At one time the thing to do was to confront the bully. Today that's foolish. When I had a bully issue, only roughnecking pushing-shoving-knocking things out of your hand by a bigger kid.

Today they might be only a slight kid with a gang and a knife.

I remember one bully (went on to be a cop incidentally.)

He went after a friend of mine once too often and I lost it and attacked him fists flying. He ran. I was surprised. I was never bullied again, but I did get a broken tooth and a 'shiner' a few times.

Now I'm a lover

Edited October 19, 2012 by Peeves

[Guest Peeves]

She was 12 years old when she flashed someone she thought was her own age. For close to four years after she could not escape that one split-second bad decision that she made while she was, I repeat, *12* years old.

She changed schools, but the cyber bully would blackmail her and sent that image to people at her new school that he friended, once again, pretending to be a teenager.

You say she was mentally unstable but did it ever occur to you that her depression was a result of being bullied? Do you any idea what it's like to be bullied to know what she may have gone through?

I think any kid is mentally unstable...hormones and all.

[TimG]

She was 12 years old when she flashed someone she thought was her own age. For close to four years after she could not escape that one split-second bad decision that she made while she was, I repeat, *12* years old.

And the guy should have been charged with distributing child porn. Why didn't this happen? This is what I want to know. Police already have the legal tools required to hunt down anonymous child porn distributors.

You say she was mentally unstable but did it ever occur to you that her depression was a result of being bullied? Do you any idea what it's like to be bullied to know what she may have gone through?

There are issues that need resolution here. But the media obsession with the cyberbulling non-issue is obscuring them. Edited October 19, 2012 by TimG

[BC_chick]

And the guy should have been charged with distributing child porn. Why didn't this happen? This is what I want to know.

There are issues that need resolution here. But the media obsession with the cyberbulling non-issue is obscuring them.

These are not the points you raised in your post earlier.

You held a 12 year old accountable for her actions as though she were an adult. Yet she did nothing out of the ordinary from that age group. Read up on the percentage of teens who have engaged in the exact same behaviour.

You further insinuated that she was merely 'mentally-unstable' without giving any consideration to the facts surrounding her suicide. The girl was tormented for four years. She was unable to escape from it even though she moved schools.

It would be more surprising had she managed to remain 'stable' after going through all that.

[TimG]

You held a 12 year old accountable for her actions as though she were an adult. Yet she did nothing out of the ordinary from that age group. Read up on the percentage of teens who have engaged in the exact same behavior

Flashing your breasts in front of web cam when you don't know the person is not normal. Kids may do it but they are naive if they don't expect it to come back and bite them. I know that is a message I drilled into my kids heads from a early age (i.e. everything you do online can come back to haunt you. when in doubt - don't).

You further insinuated that she was merely 'mentally-unstable' without giving any consideration to the facts surrounding her suicide. The girl was tormented for four years. She was unable to escape from it even though she moved schools.

Yet all she needed to do is own her mistake and ignore them. A blackmailer only has power if you let them. It was her choice to let the blackmailer have power.

The real issue the blackmailer was a child porn distributor and my question is where were the police?

Edited October 19, 2012 by TimG

[jacee]

These are not the points you raised in your post earlier.

You held a 12 year old accountable for her actions as though she were an adult. Yet she did nothing out of the ordinary from that age group. Read up on the percentage of teens who have engaged in the exact same behaviour.

You further insinuated that she was merely 'mentally-unstable' without giving any consideration to the facts surrounding her suicide. The girl was tormented for four years. She was unable to escape from it even though she moved schools.

It would be more surprising had she managed to remain 'stable' after going through all that.

I think we minimize the danger when it's called "bullying".

Children bully. This was an adult.

I think it's more appropriately called criminal harassment.

http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/pi/fv-vf/pub/har/part1.html#cybstalk

[dre]

Yet all she needed to do is own her mistake and ignore them. A blackmailer only has power if you let them. It was her choice to let the blackmailer have power.

Isnt blackmail a felony or at least a crime? Why should she have to ignore that? We pay zillions of dollars to maintain a judiciary and police force to deal with problems like that.

We need to make sure the law is enforced and that kids understand it, and encourage them to report incidents of this stuff to the police, not just teachers and parents.

[TimG]

Isnt blackmail a felony or at least a crime? Why should she have to ignore that? We pay zillions of dollars to maintain a judiciary and police force to deal with problems like that.

I already made that point several times. Where were the police because it sounds like a crime was being ignored?

[dre]

I already made that point several times. Where were the police because it sounds like a crime was being ignored?

The problem like I said before is we have this tacitly agreed apon alternate justice system for children. We need to encourage children to call the police (not just tell their parents or teachers) when they are the victim of any sort of criminal act, and we need to get parents and teachers to treat these things like criminal acts as well.

I assume we would need to do the same kinds of things we did to encourage women to start report spousal assaults.

[Guest American Woman]

I already made that point several times. Where were the police because it sounds like a crime was being ignored?

According to her FB video, police knocked on her door at 4am during Christmas break to tell her that her photo had been sent to everyone - which led to her depression and problems with alcohol. Apparently she moved a couple of times after that because she says she lost her friends and respect because of the photo. It seems to me the police would have been investigating from that point forward. The RCMP are, of course, investigating now, but apparently there's a lot of interference and false information being given - the wrong man's name and address was even put out on the web, and apparently he was receiving death threats.

According to her FB video, part of the bullying was also due to her sleeping with a boy while his girlfriend was on vacation - later he and his girlfriend and 15 other people went to the school and beat her up - teachers came to break it up but she just went and laid down in a ditch, where her dad found her - and she didn't want to press charges, so she didn't. That's according to her video. Sounds rather unlikely to me.

At any rate, not much is known about whoever it was that took her pic - including his age. It'll be interesting to see what comes of this, but I have to wonder how it escalated to the point that it did - if the police knew about it since the day they supposedly knocked on her door and teachers did actually see her get beat up. It sounds as if the police now have their work cut out for them getting to the bottom of this, but I sure hope they are able to do just that.

[Signals.Cpl]

To me this seems well beyond bullying or even harassment, this seems really close to murder. The piece of garbage that did this intended to cause great pain, it seems that the individual went well out of his way to ruin this young women's life in any way possible. This is a situation where I am all for vigilante justice, maybe if people had a little more fear of the consequences they would not be willing to push people to suicide.

I can't see many people twice her age being able to handle her situation that much better through years of torment, yes she made a mistake but the piece of garbage decided to destroy her life by attacking her in every school she moved to while eliminating her friends wherever she went.