How to leave a soldier

[Bugs]

This is an article from Salon ... worth reading as a whole. It can be found at http://mobile.salon.com/mwt/feature/2010/01/31/how_to_leave_a_soldier/index.html

It's an article pointing out to the wives of soldiers how easy it is to ditch the lug ...

"You'd be surprised how easy it is to leave a soldier on deployment. You can do it with a letter. (He can't argue with you. He doesn't have a phone.) If you lay the groundwork early, saying to the soldier before he leaves, "This will be the end of us, we might as well admit it," it's that much easier. The letter won't even come as a shock.

"And if you have children with that soldier? You can handle all that with a letter, too. He'll write it -- because he cares about the kids, because he wants to work with you to do what's best for them even though you're leaving him -- and you'll give it to them. Here again, you will avoid a nasty confrontation. Who will they cry to? You? You're just the teary-eyed bearer of the letter. Him? The one who's sweating it out in the desert?

"There will be no moving truck, no boxes, no house torn asunder. The soldier is peeing in a bucket as you pack. He doesn't care who gets the couch."

What is striking is the changes that are occurring in all the family relationships. As every decade turns, we see the diminishment of men to the point where they (really) have to reason to serve. Troops often did it for their loved ones. Now, it turns out, the loved ones were only using him anyway. Hahahaha, the joke's on you, soldier! Now, quit your sniveling and 'man up'.

You would even have to say, with family law the way it is, there is an incentive ...

Comments?

[eyeball]

What is striking is the changes that are occurring in all the family relationships. As every decade turns, we see the diminishment of men to the point where they (really) have to reason to serve. Troops often did it for their loved ones. Now, it turns out, the loved ones were only using him anyway. Hahahaha, the joke's on you, soldier! Now, quit your sniveling and 'man up'.

You would even have to say, with family law the way it is, there is an incentive ...

Comments?

What a great argument for abandoning traditional family values. Anything that diminishes the incentive to go to war is a good thing.

Edited February 19, 2010 by eyeball

[Guest TrueMetis]

What a b!tch.

[Bonam]

If the wife of a soldier is gonna follow this type of advice, he's lucky to be rid of her anyway.

[DrGreenthumb]

If a woman, or man marries someone who is already a soldier, or someone they knew was planning to be one, they have no right to bitch when that person is deployed. That said, anyone following such callous advice is pretty morally bankrupt, disloyal, and never had any respect for their vows in the first place, so the soldier is probably better off without them.

[Peter F]

...

It's an article pointing out to the wives of soldiers how easy it is to ditch the lug ...

Comments?

'Dear John' letters have been around since extensive public literacy. This is not a 21st century phenomenon, nor even a 20th century one.

[Army Guy]

I think if you took the time and read the entire letter, or article, it might give us all some insite into what is like to be a soldiers wife...a tough task, harder than being a soldier, no hero's welcome, no pat on the back, nobody buying you a beer and saying thanks...just them and the kids being carted around the country from one shit hole to another, lets face it military bases are rarely in the nice to vist areas of the country...left to be both parents...i can relate, my first marriage ended pretty much that way...it's just the way it is when you chose to serve...i takes a very understanding women to put up with the shit a soldiers wife puts up with....God bless them all, even the bitches

[bloodyminded]

I think if you took the time and read the entire letter, or article, it might give us all some insite into what is like to be a soldiers wife...a tough task, harder than being a soldier, no hero's welcome, no pat on the back, nobody buying you a beer and saying thanks...just them and the kids being carted around the country from one shit hole to another, lets face it military bases are rarely in the nice to vist areas of the country...left to be both parents...i can relate, my first marriage ended pretty much that way...it's just the way it is when you chose to serve...i takes a very understanding women to put up with the shit a soldiers wife puts up with....God bless them all, even the bitches

A generous post.

[Guest American Woman]

With all the female troops being deployed in this day and age, I have to wonder if it's as much a strain on their marriages, and whether or not they are getting "Dear Jane" letters.

[moderateamericain]

Easily solution, Worked great for me, Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

[Army Guy]

With all the female troops being deployed in this day and age, I have to wonder if it's as much a strain on their marriages, and whether or not they are getting "Dear Jane" letters.

Everyone is getting letters or e-mails, or coming home to an empty house, or apartment, and a dear john letter tacked on to the door.... ....I think what put it all into perspective for me was when my wife deployed to Afghan , and i was left at home with the kids...don't get me wrong i love my kids to death...but i would not want to do that again...nor do my kids want that to happen again either, 7 mths of kraft dinner and pancakes...on top of pizza and burgers ...they loved it the first 2 weeks, but now we can't even drive by a Micky d's without gagging...So when my wife said my last deployment was my last...i had no problems not sticking up my hand....but i was lucky my wife is in the military and has a greater understanding of the military than civilians wifes do....which makes it all that more harder...they where not kidding when they say behind every great soldier is a greater wife...One of the hardest jobs on the planet....

I've often said i'd rather be out soldiering than stuck in a house with 3 young kids....I consider myself to be in excellent shape, those kids run me ragged, i mean at 9 pm when the last one was down for the count , i was completely exhausted....praying to god" get me through this and i'll do what ever it is you want"

I also consider myself old army, and can bark out orders that make grown men cry....I'm regimented to the degree all my kids knew how to make a hospital sytle bed you could bounce a quarter off of...morning inspections, checking beds for correctness, mouths and teeth brushed, dressed properly, all while standing to attention....I thought i had a grip on the whole situation....to easy i thought....I'm a seasoned Sr NCO in the army, been to battle 3 times ....well them little bastards (god bless them) can smell weakness a mile away, you go soft just once...and poof you've lost control....nothing in my entire life or training perpared me for the next 7 months.....After we wifes return for Afghan it took my wife just one week to have ALL of us back into a routine that everyone could live with....as for me i'm sticking with soldiering, and will never again say anything bad about a military wife...

[bloodyminded]

Everyone is getting letters or e-mails, or coming home to an empty house, or apartment, and a dear john letter tacked on to the door.... ....I think what put it all into perspective for me was when my wife deployed to Afghan , and i was left at home with the kids...don't get me wrong i love my kids to death...but i would not want to do that again...nor do my kids want that to happen again either, 7 mths of kraft dinner and pancakes...on top of pizza and burgers ...they loved it the first 2 weeks, but now we can't even drive by a Micky d's without gagging...So when my wife said my last deployment was my last...i had no problems not sticking up my hand....but i was lucky my wife is in the military and has a greater understanding of the military than civilians wifes do....which makes it all that more harder...they where not kidding when they say behind every great soldier is a greater wife...One of the hardest jobs on the planet....

I've often said i'd rather be out soldiering than stuck in a house with 3 young kids....I consider myself to be in excellent shape, those kids run me ragged, i mean at 9 pm when the last one was down for the count , i was completely exhausted....praying to god" get me through this and i'll do what ever it is you want"

I also consider myself old army, and can bark out orders that make grown men cry....I'm regimented to the degree all my kids knew how to make a hospital sytle bed you could bounce a quarter off of...morning inspections, checking beds for correctness, mouths and teeth brushed, dressed properly, all while standing to attention....I thought i had a grip on the whole situation....to easy i thought....I'm a seasoned Sr NCO in the army, been to battle 3 times ....well them little bastards (god bless them) can smell weakness a mile away, you go soft just once...and poof you've lost control....nothing in my entire life or training perpared me for the next 7 months.....After we wifes return for Afghan it took my wife just one week to have ALL of us back into a routine that everyone could live with....as for me i'm sticking with soldiering, and will never again say anything bad about a military wife...

I hear that! I raised three children myself, and those sweet little monsters won at least as many battles as they lost.

[M.Dancer]

....I'm regimented to the degree all my kids knew how to make a hospital sytle bed you could bounce a quarter off of...morning inspections, checking beds for correctness, mouths and teeth brushed, dressed properly, all while standing to attention....

I bet you have watched the Sound of Music, where Maria meets Captain Von Trapp for the first time and he takes out his boatswain's whistle and summons the kids and they appear, fall in all and right dresses....and I bet you thought, that's the way.

I know I did....

[M.Dancer]

I'm regimented to the degree all my kids knew how to make a hospital sytle bed you could bounce a quarter off of...

When I was a kid, and used to go to 6 week army camps at Valcartier or Bagotville...I solves the problem by bringing a thin piece of cardboard with me.

Worked for about two weeks...

A fine upstanding fellow I know, he is a retired CSM from the 12e Blinde....his daughter is now married to a Sgt. and they are posted with the embassy in Jarkarta... I think anyone who has a half a brain knows the military life for the family can be hard...moving schools, countries even. On the otherhand, sometimes being an army brat isn't so bad and you end up having a few army brats of your own.

[ToadBrother]

'Dear John' letters have been around since extensive public literacy. This is not a 21st century phenomenon, nor even a 20th century one.

I'm sure somewhere in the Vatican archives is the following letter:

"Dear Maximus,

I have grown tired of your long absence to barbarian Briton. I know you're doing it for the greater glory of Rome, but I have found a new love in your friend Lucius. I know this is for the best, and in time, you'll see that I'm doing this for the both of us.

Bellona"

[Guest American Woman]

Everyone is getting letters or e-mails, or coming home to an empty house, or apartment, and a dear john letter tacked on to the door.... ....I think what put it all into perspective for me was when my wife deployed to Afghan , and i was left at home with the kids...don't get me wrong i love my kids to death...

Thank you for your personal insight, AG. As always, I appreciate it and find your outlook very informative.

It seems with so many marriages ending in divorce these days that all the moving, deployments, being alone, etc. would make a military marriage even more difficult. It's understandable that women who are deployed are dealing with the same issues as the male troops, as you indicate. Not easy for anyone, I'm sure.

Raising kids alone is no easy task, either. I was a stay-at-home mom who became a single stay-at-home mom, so I know exactly what you are talking about. I think kids test our limits to extremes with how much love we feel for them and how much frustration they can make us feel. It sure is worth it, though, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But I wouldn't want to do it over again, either.

[Army Guy]

When I was a kid, and used to go to 6 week army camps at Valcartier or Bagotville...I solves the problem by bringing a thin piece of cardboard with me.

Worked for about two weeks...

I actually stopped enforcing the hospital bed making when my 3 year old had asked me for some help....His sisters had asked one of my Sgt's at the time how to make the beds tighter....he had told them to use heavy yarn and sow the blankets underneath the bed so the looked like a shoe lace...once that was done all you had to do was tighten them like your shoes....anyways my 3 year was having problems and his sisters who normally would help him were out...so he asked me...imagine a 3 year old with hospital style bed...what was i thinking....all i knew was what the ARMY had taught me, it worked there but did not transcend into the raising kids catogory very well....

BTW my cooking skills have since improved, and now i know how to make grilled chesse sandwichs, and hambuger helper....and my wife threw out my only copy of revielle with the bugles and bagpipes which i used to play on the tape deck first thing in the morning....but i think that was more of a request from my neibors wife than her idea....as the walls in the PMQ's are very thin , and everyone was up at 6 am when i was home.......she has since purchased alarm clocks for everyone....lets just say things around my home are alot less army than they used to be...

I will agree kids are one of our best assets, and regardless of how bad they sometimes get, all it takes is a small pout on or a tear, and dads heart turns to mush...and my girls have that down to a science....

i would want to do it again alone anyways , but i am glad i did do it....atleast my kids have some stories to tell thier kids....

[bloodyminded]

It's true, little girls turn us into softies. But it's a nice feeling!

[msdogfood]

With all the female troops being deployed in this day and age, I have to wonder if it's as much a strain on their marriages, and whether or not they are getting "Dear Jane" letters.

good point!