moderateamericain Posted February 21, 2006 Report Share Posted February 21, 2006 Just last night i felt forced to break up with my girlfriend of over a year. I called her house around 1030 PM, she told me she was going to sleep. I called back at 11 PM her brother answered and told me she went to my house. So natuarally a bit curious i call her back and ask her whats shes doing. She told me having a smoke outside her house!?! SO now im suspicious, I said thats funny i just called your house and your brother said you were not there. Then she tells me shes going to drop a purse off at her friend Noel's house. But i say your brother told me you said you were coming here? So not only did she lie to her brother but she lied to me as well. Natuarally i broke up with her on the spot. The question is am I morally correct to have taken the action I did or should i have given her the benefit of the doubt? Keep in mind we arent college kids were both working adults. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
August1991 Posted February 21, 2006 Report Share Posted February 21, 2006 You tell me that you're leaving I can't believe its true Get the ringtone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theloniusfleabag Posted February 21, 2006 Report Share Posted February 21, 2006 Dear moderateamericain, Far be it from me to proffer personal advice, but...there is an old story about that Watchstrap and the Hairpin (or scalplock, or something). A couple were in love, but very poor. The husband had a watch, but no strap for it. The woman had long, beautiful hair, but could not afford a hairpin. Behind each other's backs, the man sold the watch to buy his wife a nice hairpin, and she cut off all her hair and sold it to buy a nice watchstrap. (I think the story may have been called "The Lyin, the Watch and the Weird Wrap", but I could have just made that up.) Obviously honesty is important to you (as well it should be). I suggest you ask her what the truth was about that night. If she wasn't out getting you a watchstrap, you'll likely be facing the same thing over again in the future. Ultimately, your call. Quote Would the Special Olympics Committee disqualify kids born with flippers from the swimming events? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazymf Posted February 21, 2006 Report Share Posted February 21, 2006 If you ever understand her, let us know. That would be helpful, understanding women. Quote The trouble with the legal profession is that 98% of its members give the rest a bad name. Don't be humble - you're not that great. Golda Meir Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tml12 Posted February 21, 2006 Report Share Posted February 21, 2006 Just last night i felt forced to break up with my girlfriend of over a year. I called her house around 1030 PM, she told me she was going to sleep. I called back at 11 PM her brother answered and told me she went to my house. So natuarally a bit curious i call her back and ask her whats shes doing. She told me having a smoke outside her house!?! SO now im suspicious, I said thats funny i just called your house and your brother said you were not there. Then she tells me shes going to drop a purse off at her friend Noel's house. But i say your brother told me you said you were coming here? So not only did she lie to her brother but she lied to me as well. Natuarally i broke up with her on the spot. The question is am I morally correct to have taken the action I did or should i have given her the benefit of the doubt? Keep in mind we arent college kids were both working adults. Moderateamericain, I may be biased (cause I let my last ex hang around way too long... ) but I think you may have been a bit impulsive. Was something else going on? Maybe she just was in a lazy mood last night and didn't want to see anyone. I would have sat her down and talked to her and asked her what was going on. "Why did she lie?" etc. If this was the first time I would have given her the benefit of the doubt. If it had happened more than once than I would have broken up with her. Overall, I hope everything works out with you. You seem like a pretty cool person on this forum and I hope you work things out... Best, TML Quote "Those who stand for nothing fall for anything." -Alexander Hamilton Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shady Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 The question is am I morally correct to have taken the action I did or should i have given her the benefit of the doubt?You may want to give her the benefit of the doubt, unless its become a pattern of behavior. But as someone else suggested, sitting down and talking sounds like a good idea. It may turn out to be more of a misunderstanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slavik44 Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 Clearly you shouldn't give her the benifiet of the doubt and should moove on, knowing you did that right thing. In the end it appears as though she double lied to you, thats worse then a single lie, and she lied to her brother as well. All this in the course of 30 minutes, thats a lie every ten minutes, by my books thats to high of an average. Unless her friend lives next door and she was smoking on her way over there, then she might not have a lieing problem, she has a smoking problem and you should dump her for health reasons. Ultimately its your call, but I predict if you get back together, you will only have more lieing problems because after taking a strong stand and then going back on it by returning to her she will feel she can keep doing it to you, as you have legitimized such behavoir and put yourself in a bad position. Thats my perfictly legitimate definately non-cynical opinion, but hey your call. Quote The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. - Ayn Rand --------- http://www.politicalcompass.org/ Economic Left/Right: 4.75 Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.54 Last taken: May 23, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RB Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 Just last night i felt forced to break up with my girlfriend of over a year. I called her house around 1030 PM, she told me she was going to sleep. I called back at 11 PM her brother answered and told me she went to my house. So natuarally a bit curious i call her back and ask her whats shes doing. She told me having a smoke outside her house!?! SO now im suspicious, I said thats funny i just called your house and your brother said you were not there. Then she tells me shes going to drop a purse off at her friend Noel's house. But i say your brother told me you said you were coming here? So not only did she lie to her brother but she lied to me as well. Natuarally i broke up with her on the spot. The question is am I morally correct to have taken the action I did or should i have given her the benefit of the doubt? Keep in mind we arent college kids were both working adults. You should not break-up with your girlfriend for trivial reasons if you didn't have a girlfriend for trivial reasons. What I didn't get is at the first call the lady said she was going to bed. Commonsense says to me that at 10:30 pm on a Monday night, a hard working lady who is done with college days needs rest to face the next business day. But, you determinedly called back after she went to bed and was supposedly asleep to see what exactly? -that she was actually asleep in a wink -or because of your general suspicions, and that you might have forfeit some trust in yet another female. Perhaps as you think about it more, you begin to lose respect, create possibilities fueled by other old issues and so you made a third call "look I've had it" Don't let folks like myself excite you with their opinions. But, you just don't invest "time" of one year and "money" and "effort" into romancing someone just to throw it away in an instant. Least you can you is to figure yourself out and give the lady her deserved explanation. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slavik44 Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 But, you just don't invest "time" of one year and "money" and "effort" into romancing someone just to throw it away in an instant. Least you can you is to figure yourself out and give the lady her deserved explanation. It depends how you look at it, maybe he packed ship and set sail before he inccurred any more losses? Like someonw who sold nortel stocks before they hit 2 cents a share? Maybe he shouldn't have broken up with her in the first place, that is a good point, but should he go back to her, on that matter I am not convinced, mind you its been a while since I watched Dr.Phil. Quote The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. - Ayn Rand --------- http://www.politicalcompass.org/ Economic Left/Right: 4.75 Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.54 Last taken: May 23, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RB Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 But, you just don't invest "time" of one year and "money" and "effort" into romancing someone just to throw it away in an instant. Least you can you is to figure yourself out and give the lady her deserved explanation. It depends how you look at it, maybe he packed ship and set sail before he inccurred any more losses? Like someonw who sold nortel stocks before they hit 2 cents a share? Maybe he shouldn't have broken up with her in the first place, that is a good point, but should he go back to her, on that matter I am not convinced, mind you its been a while since I watched Dr.Phil. I think those in relationships are by far wiser if they don't hear all they want to hear. No one likes this good riddance scenario, its an emotionally wreck and women suffer more in these breakups, and take a longer period to recover, so explanations usually help with the sorry closure. I can't put a cost to broken relations or broken hearts. I certainly can't advise moderateamericain to recant his words, and guarantee that it will redeem him. He gets to decide all by himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoffrey Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 ModerateAmerican, I'm going to say you were morally justified. She lied, and you obviously had previous trust issues before if you called her back right away after she said she was going to sleep. She should have been honest with your second call, and while I wouldn't go assuming that she was up to no good, any dishonesty is just not good with a relationship. Personally, I would have slept on it and discussed it bluntly the next day, almost an ultimatium 'this won't happen again because dishonesty isn't something I tolerate at any level.' See the reaction then, though mostly in these situations this is when some underlying truth about the relationship normally comes out during this. Not saying some subversive trouble here at all. It's always tough, but dishonesty is something I personally can't stomach. Obviously you have simliar values along these lines, I think you made a reasonable, moral choice. Best wishes, Geoff. Quote RealRisk.ca - (Latest Post: Prosecutors have no "Skin in the Game") -- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theloniusfleabag Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 Dear RB, You make a valid point, what was with the second phone call? However, with sweeping generalizations like this or because of your general suspicions, and that you might have forfeit some trust in yet another female.you seem to forget or ignore that there are 'bad women' out there, as well as 'bad men'. Quote Would the Special Olympics Committee disqualify kids born with flippers from the swimming events? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RB Posted February 23, 2006 Report Share Posted February 23, 2006 Dear RB,You make a valid point, what was with the second phone call? However, with sweeping generalizations like this or because of your general suspicions, and that you might have forfeit some trust in yet another female.you seem to forget or ignore that there are 'bad women' out there, as well as 'bad men'. What constitute bad women? - women that speak the truth but not the whole truth - women the divine contradiction - where faults are thick when love is thin - when their fatal gift is of beauty - When they dresses for others beside their husband - When their blemishes are unseen by night - be time conscious folks - When you look into their eyes, a jealous give away, "that green eye monster" - Trust not that bad woman, she will tell you what she has just told her companion - Think about it , a plot always contain a woman - women that is more constant in hate than in love - a bad woman is one who can't keep a secret, nor let any one else do it - bad women are always "ever variable, ever changeable" - When bad women love men and caress them and put fire under them; if it burn them what can women do? Men can avoid bad women and let him do so, so as to take care each day not to do what he may regret on the morrow. It is the men who cause the women to dislike and behave bad. But that's my idea of bad women Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PocketRocket Posted February 23, 2006 Report Share Posted February 23, 2006 Did someone change the forum when I wasn't looking??? Is this now the Lonely Hearts Club page??? Quote I need another coffee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RB Posted February 26, 2006 Report Share Posted February 26, 2006 Did someone change the forum when I wasn't looking???Is this now the Lonely Hearts Club page??? Nope we are using technological convenience to avoid close encounters with real people with real troubles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.