A New Year's Blessing for GW Bush

[River_God]

Lot's of good people use the Bible as absolute proof of God's Will. The Bible, however, is very weak on logic and reason. This leaves it open to the most fanatical interpretations imaginable -- often resulting abuse of minorities.

This Satire is kind of funny if you don't take it too seriously. The Biblical References are from the King James Version of the Bible.

As for all the rest of the rant, it seems to be well documented in the mainstream media (CIA agents, Colin Powel's chief aid, the IAEA, Reuters, CNN and the Associated Press.)

If you have a different point of view on the issue, you should share it. That is what democracy is all about.

===========================

George W Bush seems to have played another astounding trump card with his claim that God told him to invade Iraq http://www.commondreams.org/cgi-bin/print....s05/1007-03.htm.

The fact that Bush and Blair are fulfilling “God’s Will” in Iraq piously eliminates all the other controversy surrounding the war.

The blatant controversy surrounding the Iraq War makes it abundantly clear that Bush is righteously bringing the concept of “God’s Will” into the picture.

Naysayers might question the validity of “God’s Will” as a justification for war. Jesus did teach us to love our enemies and that it is never too late for forgiveness. Some passages of the Bible even vaguely suggest that Jesus died on the cross to wash away the world’s sins -- including the sins of Iraq and Saddam Hussein.

Indeed, the Church does forgive sinners. The indisputable protection afforded to hundreds of child molesting Christian priests is just one example of the Holy Church’s divine grace.

As Bush states, however, Saddam Hussein is much different from other sinners. Hussein is a sinner beyond salvation. Saddam Hussein’s regime of murder, torture, rape, oppression and exploitation of the Iraqi people was much more severe than any murder, torture, rape, oppression and exploitation of the Iraqi people that is taking place under the watchful eye of the neocons liberators.

Some scholars point out that if God wanted to peacefully eliminate Sadam’s government, he could give all those sinners heart attacks easier than taking Adam’s ribs and creating Eve. This shows that God must have wanted Saddam to be removed by a glorious bombing campaign carried out by His Holy Messenger George W. Bush.

A strictly fundamentalist interpretation of the Bible proves that God could indeed have chosen to preemptively attack Saddam Hussein (and destroy much of Iraq) based on Saddam’s future sins (WMDs, Links to al-Qaeda, etc..)

In order to prove God’s ability to see that Iraq was beyond salvation without the blessed bombings of the Holy Crusade, people have to realize that time is much different in God’s eyes than in the layman’s. Alpha and omega, the beginning and the end of the Bible make this abundantly clear.

In the beginning, on Page 3 of the Bible (Genesis Book 4), God shows us that Adam and Eve’s two sons, Cain and Seth, populated the entire world. At the end, on the last page of the Bible (Revelations Book 22, verses 18 and 19), God tells us that the Bible is complete and that anyone who adds or takes away from it shall be condemned to the plagues of Hell.

Since Adam and Eve didn’t have any daughters, Cain and Seth must have procreated with women from subsequent generations. Christian Scientists have coined the term “Post Generational Procreation” to explain the phenomenon. Post Generational Procreation, the male equivalent of the Virgin Birth is indeed a miracle.

Even the most skeptic layman has to accept that if “Post Generational Procreation” is possible, God could surely give Saddam and Iraqis a pre-emptive battering years before they were ever capable of threatening the USA.

Moreover, Page 10 of the Bible (Genesis Book 17) shows us that Abraham, the very father of Judaism (and by extension Christianity, Islam and the Baptist Church) circumcised himself at the age of 99 to show the world how to make their Covenant with God and be saved.

God clearly tells us, through Abraham, that “the uncircumcised man child whose flesh of the foreskin is not circumcised, that soul shall be cut of from his people; he hath broken my covenant” and will be condemned to hell (Genesis Book 17, verse 14).

The searing pain that Abraham must have endured, like the pain of Jesus on the cross, is proof that God indeed has righteous powers in both space and time.

So there it is -- absolute proof -- from the Bible itself, that God could indeed give Iraq a pre-emptive battering. The miracle of Post Generational Procreation and Abraham’s divine suffering through geriatric circumcision clearly demonstrate this. Muslims must also accept this argument since Adam, Eve, Cain, Seth, and Abraham are as much the founders of Islam as they are the founders of Judaism and Christianity.

This also validates the Jewish claim that God promised Palestine to Moses’ descendants. Since the Bible doesn’t mention purchasing the land, or otherwise compensating the homeowners in any other way, it is clear that God wanted Israel to violently seize the land and smother Palestinians in Refugee Camps.

Since Palestinians aren’t circumcised of the flesh of the foreskin, it is obvious that they have broken God’s covenant and should be cut off and condemned to suffer in refugee camps.

Unless we immediately promote God’s Divine Blessing of the Iraq Invasion, public outrage may oust God’s Holy Messenger G.W. Bush and the neo-con cabal.

That damned Downing Street Memo is stirring up problems even though it was delayed and filtered for the British Intelligence. The press is now shamelessly attacking all of Bush and Blair’s reasons for invading Iraq on at least three major fronts. All 3 of these arguments are gloriously trumped by the will of God, through his Holy Messenger George W Bush.

(1) Bush demonized Saddam as a man who gassed thousands of Iraqi Kurds at Halabja in 1988 during the Iran-Iraq war. This intelligence was fabricated with justification, but Stephen Pelletiere, the CIA’s senior political analyst on Iraq during the Iran-Iraq war has denigrated Bush with his own official version of the incident. http://www.commondreams.org/views03/0131-08.htm

(2) Bush and Blair’s inability to find any WMDs in Iraq 33 months after the invasion is trivial in the eyes of the Lord, but the press is suggesting that most of Bush and Blair’s info was pure fabrication. Before the invasion, Bush’s used of the forged yellowcake document to “prove” Saddam was buying uranium in Niger. The heathen IAEA did not honor the proof, simply because it was forged. http://www.iaea.org/NewsCenter/Transcripts...nn21032004.html.

Now Lewis Libby and Karl Rove are being indicted by the heathens for simply trying to kill any future heresy from Joseph Wilson concerning the yellowcake affair – the very yellowcake affair that was concocted to serve the Holy Will of God.

How long will it be before the Heathen Press starts doubting that Bush and Cheney were just Libby and Rove’s Holy Flunkies throughout this scandal???

(3) MSNBC has even stated that the link between Iraq and Al Qaeda was deliberately contrived to support the Holy Crusade. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9831216/site/newsweek

These heathen naysayers are shamelessly heckling all of Bush’s previous justifications for Invading Iraq – even though George W Bush was clearly not the man in charge.

Lawrence Wilkerson, General Powell's chief of staff until January this year, alleged that US policy on Iraq before and after the March 2003 invasion had been hijacked by an alliance between Dick Cheney and Defence Secretary, Donald Rumsfeld, fostered by President George Bush's "detached" attitude to details of post-war planning.

http://news.independent.co.uk/world/americ...ticle330218.ece

Wilkerson even accused Vice-President Dick Cheney of creating the climate in which prisoner abuse could flourish, and implied that he might have committed war crimes.

Wilkerson said that Cheney must have sincerely believed that Iraq could be a spawning ground for new terror assaults, because "otherwise I have to declare him a moron, an idiot or a nefarious bastard."

http://www.cnn.com/2005/POLITICS/11/29/wil...w.ap/index.html

This makes it clear that God’s Holy Messenger G.W. Bush was too mindless to be in any way responsible for the atrocities that are taking place in Iraq.

Nevertheless the UN is accusing the Bush Administration of abusing its mandate in Iraq – to the point of committing War Crimes.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051204/ts_nm/...n_detentions_dc

How though can the Bush Administration be responsible for War Crimes when they are fulfilling the Holy Will of God???

Some people have even gone so far as to state that “the Bush Administration’s unsubstantiated war pretext of preemptive self-defense based on fabricated evidence, is almost identical to Hitler’s unsubstantiated pretext for invading Poland and Czechoslovakia in the 1930s.”

Even, Scott Ritter, the UN’s chief weapons inspector in Iraq in the 1990s, has compared Bush and Blair’s “preemptive” war to Nazi Germany’s “preemptive” war. Moreover, Iran-hostage negotiator Herb Cohen is claiming that the Bush Administration negotiates like the Nazis did in 1939. This heresy is reprehensible. Unlike Hitler in the 1930s, Bush and Blair are good Baptists—God’s chosen messengers in this Holy Crusade. Unlike the Nazis, Bush’s Team has so far only been able to plunder the American treasury. Unlike the Nazis, future American Corporate profits in Iraq will be heavily filtered though off-shore tax havens.

What is even more shocking is that heathens are saying that it’s ironic that Bush is calling on Americans to make ever more sacrifices in the war on terror, while he and his friends are getting rich off it. They note that Halliburton stock is up 300% since Iraq was invaded in March 2003 and that Cheney’s half million deferred stock options probably went up over 1000%.

http://finance.yahoo.com/q/bc?s=hal&t=5y&l...=l&q=c&p=&a=&c=

Heathens also note that Chevron is up 200% since March 2003 and question whether Rice or her friends have any options in Chevron.

http://finance.yahoo.com/q/bc?s=CVX&t=5y&l=off&z=l&q=c&c=

United Defense Industries did go from $20 to $75 before being bought out, but thankfully nobody knows how its parent Carlyle Corp is doing because it is private. Whether or not the Bush family is making tens of millions off these deals is irrelevant to the Holy Crusade. Patriotic Americans should be willing to dig deeper to fund the glorious campaign.

Bush’s Holy Church has a long rich history of righteously cashing in on congregational donations. Why should the press question the Bush family’s personal collection during the war on Iraq!!!

It is clearly irrelevant to compare Cheney and Bush’s post-war finances with the post war finances of our soldiers!!!!

It is a sad sacrifice, but we are winning this war. Our 2,200 confirmed American deaths, clearly pales in comparison to more than 30,000 Iraqi civilian deaths that have been gloriously produced in this crusade.

Many of the 16,000 seriously injured American soldiers, and 50,000 suffering from battle fatigue, will barely be employable when they return home, but let us not denigrate our Blessed Messenger of God’s personal post-war finances with this trivial concern!!!!!!!!!! (emphasis added)

Heathens are questioning how it is possible, with all the billions spent on defense in the last few years, the USA is not any safer from 9/11 style attacks that it was before 9/11. Indeed the 9/11 Commission just gave the Bush Administration a failing "report card" on how counter-terrorist recommendations have been implemented. http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051205/ts_nm/...y_commission_dc

Some question that the Bush Administration is not really interested in its failing report card or in counterterrorist operations because they do not contain the same lucrative food service contracts for Halliburton that can be obtained in the Iraq war. Some have even been so bold to suggest that the Bush administration is not worried about external terrorist strikes, because the 9/11 debacle was an inside job. Others question whether the Bush administration is deliberately leaving America’s door wide open to terrorists, because another terrorist strike could boost the Bush Administration’s popularity and enable a de-facto Police State to be established in the USA.

http://www.prisonplanet.com/articles/novem...1105inhands.htm

It is true that following 9/11, while civil aviation was grounded over North America, Bush’s own officials allowed over 150 Saudis, including 24 members of the bin Laden family, and members of suspected terrorist network WAMY (World Assembly of Muslim Youth) to fly out of the USA, with very little questioning (righteously hidden in the 9/11 Commission Report at p. 556, n. 25). So far, the Bush administration’s only comment is that this planeload of people was “beyond suspicion”. The flights were after all helping the Bush Administration fulfill the Holy Will of God.

Heathens have demanded to know however “What was the rush?!!!! Why was this a desperate priority?!!! Who got paid off?!!!!” It is true that North American airspace was closed for several days after 9/11 and that over a million people were stranded. Helicopter logging operations were shut down in remote forests, and many top level diplomats were not allowed to fly back to their homes and offices in private planes. There was, however, an immediate requirement -- and no security threat – to fly 150 Saudis back to Arabia in jumbo jets. Bin Laden’s family, after all, had business deals to take care of back in Saudi Arabia. They, along with the oil producers in Saudi Arabia, are thankfully profiting handsomely from the 3-fold surge in the price of oil following the Iraq invasion – just as they righteously profited following the 3-fold surge in the price of oil following the first Gulf War.

We believe that it is only a matter of time before the press questions whether Bush is continuing to fabricate evidence to support the invasions of other oil-rich countries like Iran and Venezuela (Note that Bush’s accusation of Hugo Chavez rigging the election in Venezuela has already been hotly contested by heathen Jimmy Carter who supervised the event and claimed that it was far more open, honest and transparent than the USA’s federal election in the State of Florida. The intrigue in Iran and Syria may also come to a head)

The world is also wondering what other subversive plots the administration has undertaken. The Bush Administration’s attacks on Valerie Plame may reawaken the controversy surrounding the Anthrax letters that were only sent to the liberal media (NBC, ABC, CBS, NY Post, National Enquirer) and the top Senate Democrats (Tom Daschle and Patrick Leahy) who were the main obstacles to the Patriot Act and the ensuing invasion of Iraq.

Thankfully, the Jehovah’s Witnesses remain George Bush's biggest supporters. They are steadfast in their belief that GW is fulfilling the word of the Bible by bringing about Armageddon and The End of Days. The JWs are fanatically looking forward to the apocalypse, believing, like the Heaven's Gate cult, that a nuclear holocaust will be their ticket to heaven. It will also be a special day for the JWs because that will mark the last day that they have to knock on people's doors and be told that they are too brainwashed to be taken seriously.

The rest of the world is meanwhile wondering if orchestrated scare tactics and a lot of greed are all that was needed to completely hijack a government with an annual budget of a trillion dollars.

They question why, with all the inconsistencies surrounding 9/11, Bush's team figures that it's in their best self-interest not to co-operate with investigations. They wonder what the Bush cabal is trying to hide and why it treats the public like they are too dumb to need to know what's going on in the world?

Some heathens have even gone so far as to suggest that “it would be in America’s best interest if the whole Bush Administration, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Lewis Libby, Karl Rove, Paul Wolfwitz, John Ashcroft, Trent Lott, Richard Perle etc, were put on polygraphs to see if they know of, or were involved in, any conspiracies surrounding the WTC bombings, Anthrax letters or Iraq invasion.”

And that “For consistency, other Washington insiders like Zbigniew Brzezinski, Tom Daschle, Patrick Leahy, John Kerry etc should also be put on lie detectors.”

These heathens claim that “It’s ludicrous that lowly police officers and CIA agents are rigorously tested with polygraphs, but the directors appointed to control the agencies are considered “untouchable”, “beyond suspicion” and “above the law”– even during global debacles like 9/11, the War on Terror and the War on Iraq”

Needless to say, we do not endorse this proposal. Indeed, we believe, that it continues to be in the Bush Administration’s self-interest not to co-operate with any further investigations into the trivial crimes of the WTC bombings, Anthrax Letters and Iraq War.

All of this controversy, however, does make it abundantly clear that Bush is righteously bringing the concept of “God’s Will” into the picture.

Anyone who questions God’s divine wrath in the Iraq war, exercised through His Holy Messenger George Bush, casts unwarranted doubt on both the Holy Church and on the Holy Crusade. It seems, by extension, that any disrespectful comments could be endangering the troops – an act that we believe is utterly reprehensible.

The troops’ safety, understandably, is our highest priority. They will be needed to Fulfill God’s Will of invading Syria, Iran and Venezuela, to secure the world’s oil for the benefit of the friends of our righteous leader George W. Bush. Only by invading Syria, Iran and Venezuela will we be able to keep the troops safely out of harms way.

Heathens are questioning what people would think if China invaded Iraq, Iran or Venezuela in the interest of deposing selfish leaders and securing long term resource contracts. They reason that the Bush Administration’s interest in these oil rich countries is similarly selfish and despicable. This is intolerable!!!! (emphasis added)

Bush clearly warned from the outset that people are either joyous supporters of His Holy Crusade or they are, BY DEFINITION, supporters of the terrorists. We feel that any more controversy surrounding the crusade will be detrimental to our beloved Messenger of God G.W. Bush.

For this reason we have crafted this “Bush Pledge of Allegiance”

Are Our Souls United? OurSouls are United! OurSouls are United!

OurSouls Love George Bush! OurSouls Love George Bush!

OurSouls Support George Bush! OurSouls Support George Bush!

OurSouls Trust George Bush! OurSouls Trust George Bush!

OurSouls do not question the Bush Administration.

OurSouls do not doubt the Bush Administration.

OurSouls have absolute blind faith in the Bush Administration.

Oursouls joyously Support the Holy Crusade!

Oursouls joyously make sacrifices for the Holy Crusade!

Note the genius behind this pledge is that it contains a hidden loyalty test. Anyone who is not completely loyal to the Bush Administration will tend to slur some of the words together. The finely tuned ears of the Bush clergy will be able to identify these traitors when they ever so subtly sing :

Are Our Souls United? Arseholes are United! Arseholes are United!

Arseholes Love George Bush! Arseholes Love George Bush!

Arseholes Support George Bush! Arseholes Support George Bush!

Arseholes Trust George Bush! Arseholes Trust George Bush!

Arseholes do not question the Bush Administration.

Arseholes do not doubt the Bush Administration.

Arseholes have absolute blind faith in the Bush Administration.

Arseholes joyously Support the Holy Crusade!

Arseholes joyously make sacrifices for the Holy Crusade!

We feel that this pledge must be instituted world wide as soon as possible in order that all traitors and terrorists can be identified and eliminated in a timely matter.

In God we Trust

Happy New Year G W

[kimmy]

what in the freaking hell is this guy talking about??

-k

[PocketRocket]

Who know's, KIMMY.

I guess the ways of River Gods are mysterious to us mere mortals.

[Cameron]

I'd like to take this opportunity to personally thank Logitech for making the center scroll wheel.

River, you gotta compact your posts, no one is going to read that...sorry.

[newbie]

Great post River! But I kinda agree with Cameron. The right is used to the info they post: short, sarcastic and antagonistic barbs. Well advised to keep that in mind.

[kimmy]

Great post River! But I kinda agree with Cameron. The right is used to the info they post: short, sarcastic and antagonistic barbs. Well advised to keep that in mind.

Yup. You were one guy I was pretty sure would think this was a great post.

-kimmy

{short and antagonistic... but not sarcastic. }

[Argus]

Great post River! But I kinda agree with Cameron. The right is used to the info they post: short, sarcastic

... sane.

[PocketRocket]

I'd like to take this opportunity to personally thank Logitech for making the center scroll wheel.

You mean to say it wasn't conceived and designed by Mulroney???

OMG

[kimmy]

I'd like to take this opportunity to personally thank Logitech for making the center scroll wheel.

You mean to say it wasn't conceived and designed by Mulroney???

OMG

Al Gore Jr invented it.

-k

[kimmy]

Great post River! But I kinda agree with Cameron. The right is used to the info they post: short, sarcastic and antagonistic barbs. Well advised to keep that in mind.

In another thread, I invited you to attempt to paraphrase or summarize this message, to try to distill some sense out of it, and see whether you still feel it's a great post after you've done so. I still hope you might take a crack at it; it would be an interesting exercise.

-k

[newbie]

Great post River! But I kinda agree with Cameron. The right is used to the info they post: short, sarcastic and antagonistic barbs. Well advised to keep that in mind.

In another thread, I invited you to attempt to paraphrase or summarize this message, to try to distill some sense out of it, and see whether you still feel it's a great post after you've done so. I still hope you might take a crack at it; it would be an interesting exercise.

-k

It speaks for itself. I'm sorry if you have difficulty reading river's posts. They take a little time and thought. Are they rants? Yes. Are they comprehensible, absolutely. However, it would help to have an open mind as a criterion. That may prove to be an insurmountable problem on this board however. .

[kimmy]

Great post River! But I kinda agree with Cameron. The right is used to the info they post: short, sarcastic and antagonistic barbs. Well advised to keep that in mind.

In another thread, I invited you to attempt to paraphrase or summarize this message, to try to distill some sense out of it, and see whether you still feel it's a great post after you've done so. I still hope you might take a crack at it; it would be an interesting exercise.

-k

It speaks for itself. I'm sorry if you have difficulty reading river's posts. They take a little time and thought. Are they rants? Yes. Are they comprehensible, absolutely. However, it would help to have an open mind as a criterion. That may prove to be an insurmountable problem on this board however. .

I take that as a "no."

-k

[geoffrey]

It speaks for itself. I'm sorry if you have difficulty reading river's posts. They take a little time and thought. Are they rants? Yes. Are they comprehensible, absolutely. However, it would help to have an open mind as a criterion. That may prove to be an insurmountable problem on this board however. .

You'll find very few people with patience for rants. Mostly because they are 99% rhetoric and 1% information. Cut the crap and give me the beans, and I'll consider what your saying.

This isn't Renaissance France, its a forum in modern Canada.