Election jokes and jeers

[jacee]

My favourites for today, from memory as i can't post links ...

letter to the Star

"Harper acts like Canadians are stupid, and if he gets a majority it'll prove him right."

And Harper tells us not to trust "any politician" ...

[Tilter]

My favourites for today, from memory as i can't post links ...

letter to the Star

"Harper acts like Canadians are stupid, and if he gets a majority it'll prove him right."

And Harper tells us not to trust "any politician" ...

you, perhaps expected a favorable nod for Harper from the STAR?????

I think the most favorable thing the Star ever said was that "Harper no longer pees his pants"

[jacee]

Well it wasn't intended to be a partisan thread, and i'd be happy to post a funny by Harper too ... Any suggestions?

[punked]

I assume Iggy getting booed out of a hockey game is a jeer.

http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/Canada/20110424/ignatieff-booed-hockey-110424/

[Shakeyhands]

I assume Iggy getting booed out of a hockey game is a jeer.

http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/Canada/20110424/ignatieff-booed-hockey-110424/

How many threads are you going to post this in?

[punked]

How many threads are you going to post this in?

Well to be fair I posted it in 2 then found Mr. Canada's whole thread about it. I didn't think it needed its own thread so I didn't make one.

[jacee]

That's a jeer alright! Campaigning politicians and hockey playoffs clearly don't mix. Game misconduct. Lol

[betsy]

Does this count as a joke or a jeer?

Question Period Craig Oliver quips, Ignatieff will do his "Rise Up Show" today, (Resurrection) Easter Sunday.

Edited April 25, 2011 by betsy

[Uncle 3 dogs]

While walking down the street one day a cabinet minister is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the minister.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the minister. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

What happened?'

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning.. ..

Today you voted.'

[betsy]

CTV Power Play showed a clip of an old Parizeau slowly walking towards the podium, helping Duceppe in his - what the guest panelist termed as "saving the furnitures" - campaign.

Don Martin marveled about bringing in the "old guards." Then he said: Isn't it odd that they bring out Parizeau with his cane....to knock out the other guy (Layton) who's also using a cane!

[capricorn]

I'm posting this in the elections jokes because, really, it is a joke.

Statement by Liberal candidates Bob Rae and Ujjal Dosanjh

“As former leaders of NDP governments at the provincial level, we are today proud supporters of Michael Ignatieff and the progressive Liberal platform that he is presenting to the Canadian people in this election.

---

“The NDP program has largely gone unscrutinized, but this now needs to happen. Their election platform is full of ‘rubber dollars’ and promises that simply can’t be kept. The NDP has already backed away from setting up a cap-and-trade system, which would have taken years to implement. This leaves a $3.6-billion hole in their platform that will come at the expense of fiscal prudence or lead to the shelving of all their green programs.

“The NDP promises to abolish the Senate, which it can’t do, and to lower tuition fees, which lie exclusively within provincial jurisdiction. The NDP has also promised to hire thousands of doctors and nurses for a mere $25 million within 100 days. What is being put forward is not a realistic basis for a government agenda. It is a series of sweeping promises that do not reflect any sense of what it actually takes to govern, what will make for a productive, sustainable economy and a just society.

“We both decided to return to federal politics as Liberals because the party’s practical idealism is what the country needs. Theories and ideologies, however well intentioned, will lead the country down paths that will be profoundly unproductive for Canadians.

http://www.liberal.ca/newsroom/news-release/statement-liberal-candidates-bob-rae-ujjal-dosanjh/

Take it from us, two formerly proud to be NDP premiers, NDP policies suck.

[RNG]

I'm posting this in the elections jokes because, really, it is a joke.

http://www.liberal.ca/newsroom/news-release/statement-liberal-candidates-bob-rae-ujjal-dosanjh/

Take it from us, two formerly proud to be NDP premiers, NDP policies suck.

I think that makes them hippopotamuses, or no, that isn't the word. What is the word I'm looking for? Hypo-dermis. No, something like that.

[capricorn]

Liberals continue their joke-style campaign.

Dear Quebecers,

On May 2, you have an important choice to make.

During this campaign, and for more than two years, I have travelled across Quebec and met Quebecers in every region who are proud of their culture and identity and concerned about their children's future. The vast majority of Quebecers want to get rid of the Stephen Harper regime. This government does not represent them, nor does it share their values or priorities.

By its own admission, the Bloc does not seek to govern. The NDP, meanwhile, has neither the team nor the experience to govern. Mr. Duceppe and Mr. Layton cannot become Prime Minister; they can only oppose Mr. Harper. That is not good enough. The time has come to replace him.

---

I am committed to forming a government that respects Quebec's culture and identity; a government that will support Quebec's artists and promote its culture abroad; a government that cares about young people, gender equality, and the environment.

A government that will make you proud on the world stage.

---

http://www.canada.com/Transcript+Michael+Ignatieff+letter+Quebeckers/4682235/story.html

Since the Liberals are in a save-the-furniture-mode, I eagerly await a similar letter to Ontario voters. Oops, looks like Ontario will be short changed and will instead be treated with a visit from Chretien.

The Liberals are putting a popular ex-prime minister front-and-centre today, hoping a bout of nostalgia will lift their fortunes.

Jean Chretien is to join current party leader Michael Ignatieff for an evening rally at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto.

The Grits are counting on their former chief to reinvigorate the party faithful as some polls put the Liberals in third place behind the front-runner Conservatives and surging NDP.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/canadianpress/article/ALeqM5hGfZ89Dcw0Wuj4jcADTG57rD-n8g?docId=6680270

Bring in the clowns...

[Ang]

My favourites for today, from memory as i can't post links ...

letter to the Star

"Harper acts like Canadians are stupid, and if he gets a majority it'll prove him right."

And Harper tells us not to trust "any politician" ...

lol! Harper tells us not to trust "any politician"

[bud]

I'm posting this in the elections jokes because, really, it is a joke.

http://www.liberal.ca/newsroom/news-release/statement-liberal-candidates-bob-rae-ujjal-dosanjh/

Take it from us, two formerly proud to be NDP premiers, NDP policies suck.

both have had aspirations to become the liberal party leader. both are has-beens and are so intoxicated with politics that nothing they do or say anymore can be taken seriously.

[August1991]

Defaced Election Signs

Some of these are rather funny.

I liked the Justin Trudeau sign with "Poor man's Eric Bana" added.

Edited April 28, 2011 by August1991

[Rick]

Harper, clearly sensing that the chances of turning his minority government into a majority might be fading, also opened the door to compromise with the opposition in order to stay in power.

What would you do if I sang a different tune, would you get up and walk out on me?

Lend me your ears and I'll talk compromise and I'll try to sing coalitionally.

-Ringo Harper.