Swingers

[The Terrible Sweal]

Will you answer my question, or are you incapable or unwilling to do so?

Remember, I want you to explain: What deviance you say men are "permitted" that women are not?

[RB]

ok you replied while I was posting - but some of those questions are weird from a women's viewpoint

I am heading out to lunch .. but will reply

[Tawasakm]

Is this private or can I answer your questions aswell?

[The Terrible Sweal]

"heading"???

BTW to Tawasakm ... your politeness is undeniable, but generally any convo on a forum is fair game for anyone's comments, I would think.

[Tawasakm]

1) What do you think caused you to be a macho man?

Naturally my belief in my macho manliness is precipitated by my deep baritone voice and my manly masculine physique. I wonder at the relevance of this question if it intended to guide one to an understanding of the deviances men are permitted that women aren't

2) Who decides you are a man?

It is my understanding that the official designation is made by the doctor at birth after examination of ones 'equipment'.

3) Is it possible that being a man is a phase you can grow out of?

Well understandings of what a 'man' is varies. In some cultures it may be that you would stop being a man if you run away from a lion... From my point of view I won't stop being a man so long as my tackle is attached. After all thats what the doctor looked at when determining my gender at birth.

4) Is it possible that being a man stems from a neurotic fear of others such as women

Being a man, as I understand the term, stems from possession of certain biological attributes. I seriously doubt my biology is the result of a neurotic fear of women.

5) What do women do in bed

Activities would include, but are not limited to, farting, eating, drinking, sleeping, having sex, jumping up and down, relaxing, conversing, reading, watching tv, listening to the radio, scratching (yes women scratch too!), yawning, belching and contructing paper aeroplanes. I can't even begin to see the relevance of this question in relation to TTS question.

6) Why do women place so much emphasis on SEX

Not to put too fine a point on it but I don't think 'horniness' is restricted to any one gender. Additionally there are many reasons why an individual (of either gender) may place an emphasis on sex.

7) Men, are your parents aware that you don’t wear make-up, and red fingernails?

Yup they are aware of it. I'm also aware of the fact that my Mum doesn't wear makeup - she doesn't feel the need. I do know some male 'goths' who wear makeup. Their parents are also aware. Relevance?

8) Men, do your friends know that your hair don’t have to be stylish

I know plenty of men who think their hair does need to be stylish and plenty who don't care.

9) Is it impossible for men to indulged in sexy jump suites, tight sleeveless jerseys, tight slacks, dress with gaping armholes, mini skirt

Of course it isn't.

10) Do other men stare at the males when you wear your string sandals, high heels, spike heels, jewelry, bling-bling? … do the women stare?

You are continuing to suffer from the fact that you aren't placing your questions in context so that the answer may be meaningful.

11) Tell me, are men proud when they have to change their names

What are the conditions of the change? You are still lacking any context to make all this meaningful.

12) When man marries can they have the cake and eat it. I mean can you announce you are married by hyphenating your names in tongue tied strings?

I can actually see your point here but what does it have to do with deviance? Additionally women, here at least, are not required to change their name. And of course men can choose to hyphenate their name. Relevance to deviance?

13) As a man using the titled Dr. makes you an overachiever

I have never once, in any conversatio or discussion, seen any doctor referred to as an overachiever by virtue of being a doctor. Not once.

14) Why do men always want to talk about “sissy” stuff like feelings

In my experience both men and women talk about feelings. It does seem to me, though, that the two genders generally go about it differently when speaking to members of the same gender.

15) Why is it that real women are always interested in and always wanting more sex

I think thats an individual thing which depends on many factors.

16) Why are real women TOOLS used for performance like: thrust, rams, bangs while men become delirious with ecstasy

Rephrase?

17) Why is it that whatever women do it affects every man much more than vice-versa

I don't agree with the premise. Interpersonal relationships, and their dynamics, vary from person to person regardless of gender.

18) Why do women seek to maintain their old advantages and view small deference such as equality as threats

I question the generalisation of the premise.

19) How come men are so irrational

I question the premise. This card is generally played by both men and women who have not learned to communicate effectively.

20) Why are women so eager to be in control to dominate and devourer men

In my experience I have known both men and women who like to dominate. The desire is not gender specific.

RB I answered these questions to see if it really would lead me to 'enlightenment'. It has not. I still don't see the answer to TTS question. I questioned the relevance to deviance in several of my answers but really that question extends to all of your questions. Could you please place these questions in context or, even better, deliver a straight answer. Exactly what is this deviance I am permitted (as a man) that you are not (as a woman)?

[RB]

What "deviance" are men "permitted" that women are not?

Question 1

What do you think caused you to be a macho man?

Ok what does "be a man” means?. I wanted to challenge this idea of manliness that we take for granted because in my view these are all nonsensical construction. So I might as well gauge the construction from a woman’s standard.

So what is “normal” and what constitutes “deviant” – I did not draw on deviations of homosexuality, or sexual deviation of the female – you can read about that in London’s book

What would you say if a male, age 29 says he is still a virgin? I mean would you think something went dreadfully wrong. Because, by golly, this man is not animalistic, preying, hunting, responding. Would you view this person as a proven “man” and earn a title “man”. Now what would you say for the ladies? She is a virgin at age 29. Admiration is what comes to mind.

Well macho is synonymous with being overtly male, physically active and sexually driven. One and three mistresses are common. Men are generally assumed to be adulterous, it is not a problem. Recently, women are seeking out their pleasures but the stats are not the same and the scorn are not the same.

Overall women of course would be passive and respond to their partners and have sexual relations with only one man while it is ok for men to hunt around.

Ok lets say a man deviates from being a man. All he suffers is ridicule by his fellow counterparts in a failure to be a man, that male virgin need to come clean and be a man. If the women deviates they are punished firstly for being scarlet and then for carrying a bastard’s child.

Last year the US economy was described as “economic girlie-men”, today they are precise with the description “economic macho men”.

I mean why do we have to use the hard penis to symbolise overwhelming power. By the way the girlie is used to represent the softness of the vagina. But the penis emerges as the phallic macho in its ways of penetration and conquering the softness.

In regards to the questions 1-4 was to bring out your ideas about what constitutes a man. The other questions was to be more thought provoking for example question (4) "What do women do in bed", since women are passive and followers, the question should be more like "What do men do in bed", and the answer, it is more like they take charge of bedroom activities with their tools.

So if you go down the questions from 5 onwards, and replace "men" with "women" and vice-versa it forces a different point of view. It is not meant to attack men but just to challenge beliefs and expose some real truths.

[I Miss Trudeau]

1) What do you think caused you to be a macho man?

Millions of years of history in which it was simply not productive for females to engage in the highly deadly acts of hunting and warfare (though there are a few cultural exceptions). Despite the danger, hunting and warfare were extremely important activities in which the survival of the entire community depended on. Males were, historically, expendable due to the fact that a group can remain reproductively viable with only a handful of males, while the loss of females struck a much larger blow to the chances of reproductive success.

It was neccessary to provide incentive for males to go and die for the greater good, which I believe is part biological evolution and part cultural. On the cultural side, we have institutions like the hero myth, still going strong today, which makes demi-gods out of those who die or face great risk for the benefit of others.

What is interesting is that males continue to bear the overwhelming burden of highly dangerous and fatal work. Despite efforts (though they remain far from sufficient) to open up traditional male roles to women, there has been very little (relative) interest from women into occupations and roles likely to get them maimed or killed.

I suppose half of my answer to your question, then, is that males become "macho men" (though in far less number than you seem to imply) because they are still brainwashed to see their roles, and deaths, as noble rather than tragic.

[Tawasakm]

Well macho is synonymous with being overtly male, physically active and sexually driven. One and three mistresses are common. Men are generally assumed to be adulterous, it is not a problem. Recently, women are seeking out their pleasures but the stats are not the same and the scorn are not the same.

Overall women of course would be passive and respond to their partners and have sexual relations with only one man while it is ok for men to hunt around.

RB please don't take this as an insult. I think you are stuck in the past. The above paragraphs make me think of the middle ages. These days there are still men who will have mistresses but while some portions of the population may find this acceptable I do not believe that most would. There are plenty of women who engage in infidelity also.

The male 'image' is in a state of evolution. Male roles are in a state of evolution. This is, as I see it, a direct result of the change of womens traditional roles. It is a dynamic relationship - a shift in one will lead to a shift in the other. I believe your view of men is stuck in the past and, additionally, appears to place emphasis on a few specific areas.

Apart from all that what is your answer anyway? What is the deviance that men are permitted that men are not? If I interpret your answer then its the 'deviance' to have non-typical sexual relationships - in your example it would be for man to be a virgin at 29. The 'deviance' for women would be to have sex with more then once man. So you postulate that men are allowed that 'deviance' from sexual normality and women aren't because the reaction to the woman would be more negative. Well in the first place I don't even see the behaviours as being directly comparable. I think if you want to draw a comparison you should compare likes - what are the comparable reaction to 29 year old virgins of both genders or what is the comparable reaction to an individuals of both genders that has sex with more then one partner at a time? Secondly I don't personally see a virgin as being guilty of 'deviance' by virtue of being a virgin. I'm also not sure that multiple partners would be considered 'deviance' particular if it exists outside a commitment to monogamy. Thirdly I would like to know, given that this is your answer, why it is that you couldn't just say so in the first place?

"What do women do in bed", since women are passive and followers, the question should be more like "What do men do in bed", and the answer, it is more like they take charge of bedroom activities with their tools.

You obviously don't know the women I know - who are as confident and proactive as men are. Your view of men and women seems so... stereotyped.

I would also like to make the point that I do not use my 'tools' to dominate women. I like to leave my toolbox in the garage...

[RB]

RB please don't take this as an insult. I think you are stuck in the past. The above paragraphs make me think of the middle ages. These days there are still men who will have mistresses

Oh darn, maybe I should replace mistresses with bad chicks, b1tches, sluts, wh0res make it sound more modern and color painted scenarios analogous to the swinging

The male 'image' is in a state of evolution.

The males are slow to change. There are recent studies done by Hopkins which show evidence of traditional standards not dead yet.

So there is rejection of double standard I agree. However, a male is still the sexual initiator, very eager for sexual activities but the female sets the limit. To reinforce my argument of passiveness, the actual abstinence from sex when dating is attributed to the restraining woman's influence.

There was a study conducted at Florida State University where men were more willing to take a risk. A female could request a date and suggest the man visit her dorm, or even go to bed with her.

The men were at ease with such a request and usually asks "why wait until tonight?".

OK now when a man ask a female the same question the typical responses to the men "you've got to be kidding me" "what's wrong with you" " leave me alone"

I still maintain that men has a desire for control in the bedroom. The want to dominate women and have their women submit to them.

I do put in some pro-bono hours at legal aid and have had the opportunity listen to women and their conflicts in marriage, and those who wish for the divorce.

My observation, men you worry that you are not male enough and hence feel it necessary to become macho dude.

In order for this macho image to be something of a success, women of course have to be submissive, I mean how else. And this conflicts with the men wishing for their partners to be porn stars and eager.

But, I agree that more women are being liberal in declaring their needs in the bedroom and you are rather fortunate to hang out with those - but a discrepancy exist and even though there is small changes in the bedroom on the part of women, it is not so dominant and demanding that it has frighten men away.

It would be interesting to know how long these sexual encouters usually last and how many folks are just having fun for one night only. I mean we track those divorce rates and they don't look good at all.

ok its late and I don't feel like writing more for now

[The Terrible Sweal]

RB,

As best as I can decypher your reply, it seems that by 'permission' you mean to refer to social acceptibility, and by 'deviance' you mean any behaviour you disapprove of and choose to ascribe to men.

RB, I think you're full of the dung of male bovines.

[Digby]

The bible forcast in the last days our daughters would become whores and our wives would commit adultry.

According to the Bible in Hosea 4:14 God will not hold the woman responsible .

As He blames the men because they allowed harlots (false Churches) to take over .

The problem with such a decay in morals in our land is our Country is full of False churches that was set up by evil spirits to turn people away from rightousness .

Its like on this Form You don't see no ministers speaking out on this stuff , Real men of God are told to cry aloud and spare not . In modern day Canada our so called men of God are probly more likely to Jump in Bed with them.

Would not surprise me a bit if their was swingers clubs in Churches . I know a guy that use to Go to a penticostal church to pick up girls . He use to go on Sunday nights speak tounges And roll in the floor with them. Then pick up a lady dressed in her Sunday best then take her aboard my boat to fornicate all night . He was one of my crew . I put a stop to it after a while . But he told me it was easier to pick up woman in this church then it was in Bars . Said he liked Speaking the Tounges though .

[RB]

well I don't wish to seemingly be criticising religion.

But I also have no fear to play the devil's attorney and being a rejectionist when it relates to women and the bible.

Here is what I mean the bible is very patriarchal. Only 2 books of the testaments are attributed to women with about 2 pages alotted to the same out of 700 pages. Shows just how significant women were, and of course the women were associated with evils, baby making and submitting to men. The argument therefore that men are responsible for the actions of women just gets perpetuated since "God will not hold the woman responsible". It was a different time though.

Today, I hold women responsible for their own actions, and that they should think independent of men. ok I also wanted to say it is a let down as I do think men can teach women a thing or two. But, I would also like to add this bit that men are terribly spoiled in their ambition and usually fall and are victims to their own conquest.

Here is an example of what I mean as the fall gets sorted out in Michelangelo's Genesis The creation of Eve: Adam it showed men with their real penis size. I attributed the sins of women, daughters, who become whores and the wives would commit adultery to the twist of culture of present day.

Men wish to clap themselves on the back for increased common sense. Men believe that they can capitalised on the imagination, and capture it even when it runs wild. And how ironic that "wild" shows up in sculptures of nowadays and are giving endless possibilities to the penis. I mean the penis just keeps getting bigger every time one turn around.

First, the penis is greatly enhanced to the men demise. Secondly women are thinking that they are getting a raw deal. They share in their real experiences it is a raw deal, hence the swinging. Thirdly, I am indeed sorry to say the men have more penis complexes nowadays to work with than previously.

The Terrible Sweal Posted on Mar 5 2005, 09:10 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
RB,

As best as I can decypher your reply, it seems that by 'permission' you mean to refer to social acceptibility, and by 'deviance' you mean any behaviour you disapprove of and choose to ascribe to men.

RB, I think you're full of the dung of male bovines.

ok my one regret is that women did not take the chance and enrich your lives sooner with this interpretation process

[Digby]

That old Penis talk has been around for awhile .

You do know them steples they got on the churches repesent an erect Penis.Pagan religions had a big thing for penis worship.

[Slavik44]

The bible forcast in the last days our daughters would become whores and our wives would commit adultry.

According to the Bible in Hosea 4:14 God will not hold the woman responsible .

As He blames the men because they allowed harlots (false Churches) to take over .

The problem with such a decay in morals in our land is our Country is full of False churches that was set up by evil spirits to turn people away from rightousness .

Its like on this Form You don't see no ministers speaking out on this stuff , Real men of God are told to cry aloud and spare not . In modern day Canada our so called men of God are probly more likely to Jump in Bed with them.

Would not surprise me a bit if their was swingers clubs in Churches . I know a guy that use to Go to a penticostal church to pick up girls . He use to go on Sunday nights speak tounges And roll in the floor with them. Then pick up a lady dressed in her Sunday best then take her aboard my boat to fornicate all night . He was one of my crew . I put a stop to it after a while . But he told me it was easier to pick up woman in this church then it was in Bars . Said he liked Speaking the Tounges though .

First off you must be familiar with the fact that God does not differentiate between sins, they are all equally bad and all equally abhorred by God, So lying is just as bad as fornicating. Furthermore, although the joke goes that moses was the first perosnt o brake all the ten commandments at the same time, we must recall that Jesus said if you brake one you brake them all and if you commit one in your heart you have broken it.

So to call someone's morals into play as you are doing basing it on the bible is absolutley ridiculous. If you ahve lied even once in your life, you are just as guily as someone who has been laid by 1,000 people in his life--no difference.

Infact, your problems with this current behavoir do not stem from a biblical basing, they stem simply from past social norms that are being overturned....these norms were in theory backed by the bible, and while everyone hated fornicators as evil and un-ethical they totaly missed the fact that:

1) Hate is a sin

2) Lieing is a sin

3) it is not differntiated in God's eyes.

In otherwords they were blatant hipocrits, which I belive is also a sin in Gods eyes(?). Further more the arguement that people hated the sin but not the sinner is null and void, considering how porly people treated the "sinner", in fact the sin the commited singled them out to be hated and despised, and that in no way was what jesus recomended, he ate with the sinners.

Speaking of eating with sinners, I belive one of Andrew Jackson's cabinent members had people refusing to eat with his (promiscous wife), which is again not following the example that jesus set.

Which is my biggest problem with your judgemental post, "judge not that ye be judged." If you have swung the truth even once you are just as bad as someone who has swung their sexual relations 10,000 times. I will nto bash your morals, but you should work on removing the mote from your own eye before you remove the speck from your, swinging, brothers.

[Digby]

Well sir I think I am being judged

what this scripture is warning about is being a hippocrit .

The bible actually tells men of God they must try to stop other people from sinning at times. Try James 5 ;19-20

Pauls whole reason for writing letters was to warn and scold for sins .

Peter warned others of sin.

Isaiah was told to cry aloud and spare not show the people their sins:Isaiah 58:1

Ezekiel was told that if he never warned people about their sins ,their blood would be on his hands ,or his fault.

But if he did warn them ,it would be their fault . Ezekiel 33

make sure you read verses 14-15 as there It shows that God does forgive sins if someone has an attitude of repentance .

Some sin and get away with it as they truely are sorry after.

so sins of the past that one has repented of ,is nothing compared to the ones you plan to do tomorow .

Its in your attitude , Do you beleave in Gods Wisdom on Good and Bad .

Or would you rather make your own rules on Good and evil . Its what God told us to leave alone the tree of the Knowledge of Good and evil .

He wants us to beleave in his opinions instead of making our own up like most do.

Im not sure Hate is a Sin if it is God is Guilty rom 9;13

unless thats a mistranslation.

[Slavik44]

Well sir  I think I am being judged

what this scripture is warning about is being a hippocrit .

The bible actually  tells men of God they must  try to stop  other people  from sinning at times.  Try James 5 ;19-20

Pauls  whole reason for writing letters was to warn and scold for sins .

Peter  warned others of sin.

Isaiah was told to cry aloud  and spare not show the people their sins:Isaiah 58:1

Ezekiel was told that if he never warned people about their sins ,their blood would be on his hands ,or his fault.

But if he did warn them  ,it would be their fault .  Ezekiel 33     

make sure  you read  verses 14-15    as there It shows    that  God does forgive sins  if someone has an attitude of repentance .

Some sin and get away with it  as they truely are sorry  after. 

so sins  of the past  that one has repented of  ,is nothing  compared to the ones you plan to do tomorow .

Its in your attitude , Do you beleave in Gods Wisdom  on Good and Bad .

Or would you rather make your own rules on  Good and evil .    Its what  God told us to leave alone  the tree  of the Knowledge of Good and evil . 

He wants us to beleave  in his opinions  instead of  making our own up    like most do.

Im not sure  Hate is a Sin  if it is God is Guilty  rom 9;13

unless thats a  mistranslation.

I didn't say you shouldn't warn people of sins, if you want to, go right ahead. What I did say is that you shouldn't differentiate between sins. You make it sound as though these swingers are at a higher level of evil than anyone else, that the evil they commit is somehow worse, when in fact, God does not differntiate between a little white lie and a lot of dark sex, Jesus did say that if you brake one in your mind you are guilty, are you telling me you have never lusted?Furthermore he claimed that if you break one you are guilty of breaking them all, have you ever sinned? Jesus also said, let he who has done no sin cast the first stone, not only ahve you cast the first stone but the second and third as well....in fact I belive he raised that statement in response to a bunch of self rieghtoues religous officials attacking a womens loose sexual morals.

I would also assert that God wanted his messengers to have there houses in order, to build upoun a pure testimony for Jesus Christ, not a bunch of rable rousers out to spread hate in the name of Christ. I have a strong mistrust of modern day men of God, who go out preching about the evils of sexual imorrality but never once preach against a far more rampant and re-occuring sin then any other, Lieing. Sexual imorality is only one sin of thousands, but your narrow minded focus on it shows how heavily infuenced, your messages are by society and not neccasairly by God or the Bible.

I never said God didn't forgive sins, I said he didn't differntiate between swinging the truth and swinging your sexual morals. this thread was created to specifically adress swingers, and your tried to damn them based on the bible, however as far as I am concerned and God is concerned, and Jesus is concerned, Lieing is just as bad as adultry or fornication, and I would wager you lie with out thought or a prayer for forgiveness.

Aswell, correct me if I am wrong, When jesus died on the cross, did he not die for sins, past, present, and future, and requires you to ask for forgiveness only once and for all...to deny this is to declare Jesus work in-complete, and to do that...would well be a sin.

As far as hate being a sin, I suppose to hate sin is not a sin but the bible is very speific about hate, Leviticus 19:17 Thou shalt not hate thy brother, which I belive could be assumed to mena do not hate people, and as tried to make clear people normally do not differntiate between the sin and the sinner, infact most cases they hate the sinner to put on the show of hating the sin, that is a sin, and a double edged sword.However it can also be noted that there were and are translation errors in the bible, simply due to the inadequicies of the English language and its evolving dialect. In other words You take a word in greek, that with a stretch could mean a certain word in english and after 200 hundred years it really no longer means what it should.

[Digby]

I'm Not claiming to be perfect , and yes i could use some house cleaning.

But swinging is surely wrong in Gods eyes , the bible says all fornicators will not make it.

and no i don't beleave in lieing

If i lie i know its wrong , most that know me personally probly would tell you I don't beleave in lieing. I know its a sin that leads to eternal death .

Maybe i will some day recieve eternal Death for a prize , If i die in a state of sinfull ways.

This society is being taught by alot of So called Men of God they don't have to worry about Sin once they accept Christ sacrifice to cover their transgressions of Gods law. I know this is according to attitude .

Are they trying to repent?

Do they beleave in Gods Opinions for real .

David sinned but he knew how to repent , And if you read the 119th psalm you will relise he very much respected Gods opinion on Good and evil .

He never tried to twist Gods opinion 's . He would admit his wrong doing and try to fix it .

Remember their was 2 thieves on each side of Christ .

One just wanted to be let go ,because Christ had the power to let him Go ,(most modern Christians attitude )

The Other Admitted he was a thief and he deserved the penalty he was getting . He was the one Christ took too .

As he agreed he was a law breaker and deserved to die .

there will be exswingers in the kingdom im sure.

as well as exhomosexuals ect.

But won't be no practiseing ones that want to argue their ways is right and Gods opinions are foolish. Them ones will have to find their own place to dwell for eternity .

Only those that are in agreement for God to govern whats right and whats evil will make it too eternity.

we are all going to be judged some day . Judgement begins at the house of God . (THIS LIFE TIME).

THE REST OF THE DEAD ARE JUDGED IN THE GREAT WHITE THRONE JUDGEMENT .

So yes i could be the one in the worse shape if im a member of the house of God . Alot of these swingers ,and homosexuals ,and liers ,ect Are blind and have no ability to see their wrongs. When they are judged they will not be blind . Alot of them will then respect Gods wisdom and will go on to immortal life .

If im in the house of God ,im being judged now as im not blind . So im the one with the responsiblity to show people Gods Wisdom works .

A man of God can be a crook ,a lier , what ever he wants .

But he will not see the kingdom if he is judged to not beleave in Gods Knowledge on good and evil.

The truth is dangerous Knowledge , this is why there is so many without truth!

[theloniusfleabag]

Dear RB,

Here is what I mean the bible is very patriarchal. Only 2 books of the testaments are attributed to women with about 2 pages alotted to the same out of 700 pages. Shows just how significant women were, and of course the women were associated with evils, baby making and submitting to men.

You are right, the bible was written with the retention of power in mind. Having power means you must subjugate. The bible does this mostly through fear, but it is almost exclusively the male wielding that power. Hence, no women priests or rabbis.

As to the penis, it has been called 'the tower of power' by some, and though mine can actually hold up a towel after a nice warm shower, I try never to use it for evil purposes. I even give it a massage now and then, when its feeling a bit stiff.

[PocketRocket]

If i lie i know its wrong ......... I know its a sin that leads to eternal death .

Is it??? There is some ambiguity here, DIGBY.

With all due respects, one of the commandments says "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour".

But if my wife (ex, now) says to me "Does this dress make me look fat???".

If I reply "No", knowing full well that the dress in question makes her look like she just gained 25 pounds, is that a sin???

If someone asks me if I farted, and I deny it, even though I did indeed pass gas, is that a sin???

My take is that a lie is a sin, if that lie is casting aspersions on someone else.

If it's a simple denial of truth, which causes no one any harm, then under the commandment cited above, it would not be sinful.

On the other hand, being brutally truthful at all times can be hurtful, ie; "That dress makes you look 8 months pregnant".

That may be a truthful statement, but it would also cause considerable emotional distress.

When my mother was on her deathbed, I would come in her room to visit, and usually say something like "Good morning, gorgeous", which she certainly was not.

I would say things like, "Look at you, all dolled up, you going out dancing tonight???", when she did, in fact, look like hell.

Still, it put a smile on her face.

But was it a sin??? It was, after all, a lie, but how could such a lie be sinful???