Gender Equality in Canada and the US

[Guest American Woman]

But I'm a man... so it is impossible for a female to be the sexual aggressor toward me. If the penis is hard he wanted it.

I think the point is, even if the penis is hard, the man doesn't have to use it - and a woman can't force herself on him the way a man can force himself on a woman. But the key word is "force," and as I said previously, "persuasion" and "force" are two very different things. Once a man and/or woman make the decision to have sex it's their choice, not force - a fact that Cybercoma has evidently chosen not to address.

[sharkman]

To Cyber there is no such thing as persuasion when it comes to sex. It's being coerced. And to think this is the creed of the feminist, this really neutralizes some of the good they've done.

[sharkman]

So, if you know that I'm male, why would you make the odd assertion that I refuse to reveal my gender? I don't understand why it's creepy that I didn't put my gender into my profile. Like I said, I don't think it's relevant what the gender of posters are. This is the only forum I've seen that does that.

Must everything be spelled out for you? I make the assertion because under the gender section you have the remark, "not telling". What that means is you are not telling. Although you may have said you're a male to me, now you've said in this thread you may not be. Again, and listen carefully, I don't care what you are, but the overwhelming majority(99.9) of members here feel fine with revealing what they are, but you feel uncomfortable about it. You seem to have a hang up about your gender or else you wouldn't care one way or another.

[cybercoma]

It's interesting how much something this simple infuriates people. They must know a person's gender to be able to relate to them because we carry ideological baggage with us, allowing us to make senes of our relationships.

Article: Child's gender finally revealed

[cybercoma]

But I'm a man... so it is impossible for a female to be the sexual aggressor toward me.

This isn't true at all.

I keep hearing about this rape culture... but I don't see evidence of it in the numbers.. Aggravated sexual assaults have declined 48% since 1999... The the other levels of sexual assault have declined 32%-20% in the same time.

Rape Culture is related, but has little to do with reported sexual assaults in the Uniform Crime Reporting system. There's myriad other factors. Remember how you conservatives keep saying there are crimes committed but not reported? It doesn't work for murders, since bodies are found and missing people are reported. However, rape and sexual assault are two of the least reported crimes committed against people. Part of the reason is that rape culture that makes women feel like they bring it on themselves by the way they dress or that they somehow accidentally led the guy on. The other problem with rape culture is what you illustrated above. It's a joke when a man gets raped, as if it's any less serious. Men being coerced into sex against their will, while less common, is still just as serious a problem.

[cybercoma]

Once a man and/or woman make the decision to have sex it's their choice, not force - a fact that Cybercoma has evidently chosen not to address.

It depends what goes into making that choice. Are you saying anyone that is not willing to have sex, but is demeaned and verbally abused into submission has made the choice, even if the other person didn't force himself or herself onto them? The choice should be free from coercion. Persuasion is the wrong word because persuasion indicates that the person changes their mind and does want it. Coercion is when a person is made to feel like crap for not doing it, then they feel terrible about themselves afterwards because they didn't want to do it in the first place.

[cybercoma]

Must everything be spelled out for you? I make the assertion because under the gender section you have the remark, "not telling". What that means is you are not telling. Although you may have said you're a male to me, now you've said in this thread you may not be. Again, and listen carefully, I don't care what you are, but the overwhelming majority(99.9) of members here feel fine with revealing what they are, but you feel uncomfortable about it. You seem to have a hang up about your gender or else you wouldn't care one way or another.

Who said I feel uncomfortable with it?

Go into your personal settings and look at the gender field. The only options you can choose are Male, Female, or Not Telling. If I could leave it blank, I would. It's not that I'm uncomfortable telling people my gender, it's that it is completely irrelevant. Frankly, I find it pretty creepy that you're so hung up on my gender.

As for saying I might not be male in this thread, I didn't once say that. I said American Woman's logic about me being male was incorrect initially. Just because a poster talks about a wife, doesn't mean they're male. They could be a lesbian. Her following post is why she knows that I'm a man... because I've said it on the forums.

You're the one that's really hung up on my gender and it's really starting to creep me out. All I'm saying is that it's not important on a forum where we're supposed to be discussing political ideas and social policy. I think you need to get a grip.

[Guest American Woman]

As for saying I might not be male in this thread, I didn't once say that. I said American Woman's logic about me being male was incorrect initially. Just because a poster talks about a wife, doesn't mean they're male. They could be a lesbian. Her following post is why she knows that I'm a man... because I've said it on the forums.

My initial logic was not incorrect - you spoke of a wife when wanting to give a female perspective.

[sharkman]

I answer your quesiton:

So, if you know that I'm male, why would you make the odd assertion that I refuse to reveal my gender? I don't understand why it's creepy that I didn't put my gender into my profile. Like I said, I don't think it's relevant what the gender of posters are. This is the only forum I've seen that does that.

and you get creeped out? Somehow I'm not surprised. You need to get a grip on what constitutes sexual assault, but I won't hold my breath. But I feel sorry for anyone who has the misfortune to accidentally bump into you while getting into the elevator.

[cybercoma]

I feel sorry for anyone who has the misfortune to accidentally bump into you while getting into the elevator.

Why? Do you think I would consider that sexual assault?

Are you familiar with the term "gaslighting"? Because that's exactly what you're doing.

[Guest Manny]

We are human beings, and gender plays a pivotal role in our relationships with one another. That's just life. And it shouldn't be seen as wrong, it is natural and the way life works. While we mustn't ever limit someones freedom based on their gender, equality does not mean becoming androgynous.

My view on this whole sad thread is, if the person has the ability to say "No" without repercussions, no fault exists. But if there are repercussions, it depends on the extent of those as to what should be done. If a husband wants his wife to say yes, and she says no, and he gets mad at her for a while or withdraws some other favour he does for her, those are natural dilemmas of human relationships. What's to be done about that?

[sharkman]

It depends what goes into making that choice. Are you saying anyone that is not willing to have sex, but is demeaned and verbally abused into submission has made the choice, even if the other person didn't force himself or herself onto them? The choice should be free from coercion. Persuasion is the wrong word because persuasion indicates that the person changes their mind and does want it. Coercion is when a person is made to feel like crap for not doing it, then they feel terrible about themselves afterwards because they didn't want to do it in the first place.

You live in a world in which persuasion for sex doesn't exist, only coercion does. You're flatly wrong here. How is it that you can only imagine scenarios in which persuasion is "demeaned and verbally abused into submission", or "a person is mead to feel like crap for not doing it" when persuasion, or doing a favour for sex is requested? You simply can not imagine a relationship in which a partner asks another partner for some fun time, or simply seduces the other partner who then is freely being persuaded and enjoys being sexually desired.

No, it's all sexual assault to you. That is an unbalanced view.

[Guest American Woman]

We are human beings, and gender plays a pivotal role in our relationships with one another. That's just life. And it shouldn't be seen as wrong, it is natural and the way life works. While we mustn't ever limit someones freedom based on their gender, equality does not mean becoming androgynous.

No, it doesn't mean that - and heaven forbid that that should ever happen. Men and women do have differences.

My view on this whole sad thread is, if the person has the ability to say "No" without repercussions, no fault exists. But if there are repercussions, it depends on the extent of those as to what should be done. If a husband wants his wife to say yes, and she says no, and he gets mad at her for a while or withdraws some other favour he does for her, those are natural dilemmas of human relationships. What's to be done about that?

What you are describing is life. Women do it, too. They withhold sex sometimes when they are angry or use to get their way. It's part of human nature.

[sharkman]

Why? Do you think I would consider that sexual assault?

Are you familiar with the term "gaslighting"? Because that's exactly what you're doing.

Oh please. You see, you've perfectly demonstrated what would happen if someone bumped into you. Strongly negative accusations. I think I'll bump into you far less as your world view is rather negative. You need to lighten up about life.

[huh]

So, just so i am clear cybercoma, if I want to have sex and my wife doesn't, will I be sexually assaulting her if I indicate disappointment with her decision either verbally or in body language or elsewhere. Im not talking about chasing her around the house begging, im talking about a genuine disappointment and frustration, you know, emotions, men have them too.

I have read exactly that from feminists, just the display of disappointment is coercion, so, how deep down the rabbit hole are you, am I as a man sexually assaulting, in a way raping my wife, if i display anything but a smile and a 'yes dear' if she says not tonight?

[cybercoma]

You're not assaulting her, but if your disappointment is done in such a way that you're guilt-tripping her then you're a dirtbag. Yes.

[CPCFTW]

And so the 30 year old virgin has ordained!

Edited January 24, 2012 by CPCFTW

[Bonam]

You sound like a fat 30 year old virgin. Am I right?

I don't think 30 year old heterosexual male virgins are very likely to hold strong feminist views. The only view they likely have towards women by that point would be extreme frustration. Just a guess

[sharkman]

Cyber passes him/herself off as a male at times, but it could well be a lie.

[CPCFTW]

I don't think 30 year old heterosexual male virgins are very likely to hold strong feminist views. The only view they likely have towards women by that point would be extreme frustration. Just a guess

I knew one who constantly derided me for "taking advantage" of "girls who loved" me because I didn't take my relationships seriously. Then he dumped his first gf after like 2 months (he was near 30 at this time).

[cybercoma]

Cyber passes him/herself off as a male at times, but it could well be a lie.

It very well could be. What does it matter?

[sharkman]

It very well could be. What does it matter?

Well, if you are willing to lie, then you are willing to lie about anything when you want to manipulate the situation in a thread. Therefore your posts need to be taken with a grain of salt.

You say, what does it matter? It seems to matter a great deal to you.

Here's a clue. If you don't want it to be on your info list, simply leave "gender" blank in your description, instead of putting not telling. Then it won't appear at all if I understand how it works. Then it won't be an issue at all, but stop calling yourself a man.

Edited January 25, 2012 by sharkman

[cybercoma]

What did I lie about?

The gender of posters doesn't matter one bit to me on this forum. I'm not hiding my gender either. American Woman and others seem to know what my gender is. You keep talking about my gender as though I'm being secretive about it. You even asked me in another thread if I'm a guy and I told you I am. If someone asks me directly, I'm not going to lie about it and say I'm a woman.

And once again, you can't change the gender field to blank. That's why it has that painfully idiotic "Not Telling" descriptor. Go to your profile and try to blank out the gender the field then come back and admit you're wrong. Or if you figure it out, let me know how so I can blank it out.

You keep telling me that I'm the one with the issue and you're the one that keeps acting like a creep about this whole thing. Who really cares what my gender is? Why does it even matter? It should have no bearing on anything that I post and others' genders should have nothing to do with what they post either.

Edited January 25, 2012 by cybercoma

[sharkman]

I only made the suggestion because there are posters here that do not have a gender field at all. I was going with the assumption that you decided to include the gender field instead of having no gender field whatsoever.

I took a look in the control panel, but I have no idea how others did this. If you take a look at the above posters Huh and CPC, they have no gender field.

Edited January 25, 2012 by sharkman

[cybercoma]

I only made the suggestion because there are posters here that do not have a gender field at all. I was going with the assumption that you decided to include the gender field instead of having no gender field whatsoever.

I took a look in the control panel, but I have no idea how others did this.

They didn't enter their gender when they created their profile. When I joined the forum ages ago, I put my gender in. After I decided that it was unimportant and I didn't care for the feature, I tried to make it blank. You can't though. I'm not trying to hide anything. I just don't think it's important.

Edited January 25, 2012 by cybercoma