Now playing off-Broadway: Trump’s synchronized sycophants

robosmith · May 24, 2024

Now playing off-Broadway: Trump’s synchronized sycophants

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Sen. Tommy Tuberville knows a great deal about the judiciary. The Alabama Republican is on record asserting that the three branches of government are “the House, the Senate and the executive.”

And so this week, the former college football coach took his expertise in jurisprudence to Donald Trump’s hush money trial in New York, watched for a few minutes and came out to offer reporters his legal analysis.

“How can you be convinced by somebody that is a serial liar?” Tuberville wanted to know. “I mean, there should be no reason that anybody should listen to this guy.”

One hundred percent, Coach! Tuberville was talking about the witness, Michael Cohen, but he didn’t have the self-awareness to realize he was also describing the defendant, perhaps the most famous liar in American history.

The Manhattan Criminal Courthouse was overflowing with lying liars this week. Inside the courtroom, Cohen testified about all the lies he told for Trump: lying to Congress, lying to the public, lying about Trump’s involvement with Russia, lying about Trump’s alleged trysts and how Trump bought the silence of his accusers. Trump’s lawyers, in their cross-examination, sought to convince the jury that the former Trump fixer is so prolific a liar that he is still lying, as are Stormy Daniels, Karen McDougal and anybody who accuses Trump of anything, ever. Trump himself, in statements to the cameras in the hallway outside the courtroom, lies about the terms of the gag order, the “corrupt” judge, the view of “everybody” with legal experience that he committed “no crime” — and whatever else comes to his lips.

In a sense, all of the lawmakers flocking to New York owe their jobs to Trump: One cross word from him, and they’re out faster than you can say “primary challenge.” And so they performed for Trump outside the courthouse as a troupe of synchronized sycophants.

“This is a sham trial!” said Trump, inside the courthouse.
“Sham of a trial,” parroted Johnson, outside the courthouse.
“Sham trial,” repeated Vance, Malliotakis and Biggs.
“A crooked sham trial,” said Good.
“This is a sham,” echoed Mills.
“A politicized sham,” offered Ramaswamy.
“There’s no crime!” said Trump, inside the courthouse.
“There’s no crime here,” repeated Johnson, outside the courthouse.
“There is no crime,” said Donalds.
“What is the crime?” asked Ramaswamy and Boebert.
“It’s election interference!” proclaimed Trump.
“It is election interference,” chorused Johnson.
“It’s election interference,” said Burgum.
“Election interference,” said Gaetz and Good.
“Election interference at its finest!” said Mills.
President Biden is “weaponizing the Department of Justice,” announced Trump.
“Weaponized DOJ,” chorused Boebert.
“Weaponized against President Trump,” Johnson echoed.
“Weaponization against our president,” repeated Mills.

The Greek chorus dutifully echoed Trump’s claim that the case is a “scam” and a “witch hunt.” They repeated his bogus assertion that the “Federal Election Commission said there’s not a problem, there’s no case.” (In reality, a deadlocked FEC dropped the case after Republican commissioners said it was redundant because Cohen had already been convicted of an election law violation.) They endorsed his nonsense accusation that “Biden’s office is running this trial” in New York state courts. And they seconded his constant complaint about the “unconstitutional” gag order. (An appeals court this week upheld the order, saying Trump’s statements “posed a significant threat to the integrity of the testimony.”)

“I wanted to be here to show some support for my friend,” said Vance.

“I’m here, and all of us who are here, as friends of Donald Trump, supporting him” was Ramaswamy’s version.

“We’re here voluntarily supporting our friend, President Trump,” said Gaetz.

On social media, Gaetz posted a photo of him standing behind Trump in court with the message “Standing back and standing by, Mr. President” — referring to Trump’s 2020 debate instructions to the Proud Boys, whose leaders were convicted of seditious conspiracy related to the Jan. 6, 2021, insurrection.

That’s what friends are for. “I do have a lot of surrogates and they are speaking very beautifully,” said Trump.

There they were again Thursday afternoon, attacking the judge, his daughter, the prosecution and witnesses. Some invented new slanders that even Trump hadn’t attempted. Rep. Andrew Ogles (R-Tenn.) referred to witness Stormy Daniels as a “hooker” and a “woman who was paid for sex.” Luna called Cohen someone who “screams explicitives (sic) against President Trump.” But, mostly, they dutifully parroted Trump’s own words — particularly about the “judge who is totally corrupt.”

“Corrupt judge,” said Good.
“Corrupt judge,” said Boebert.
“Corrupt judge,” said Rep. Michael Cloud (R-Tex.).
“Corrupt judge,” said Gaetz.

If the goal was to make a scene at the court, they had some success. A heckler shouted “Beetlejuice” at Boebert. A guy walked behind the lawmakers with a poster saying, “TRUMP WON.” And, as Gaetz spoke, somebody else held a hand-lettered sign above his head with a pithy summary of the moment. “BOOTLICKERS,” it said.