Thank you all for the help on this topic

[bobz]

Thank you

Edited February 11, 2008 by bobz

[Melanie_]

There are plenty of parent education classes available, if the father really wants to learn better methods of discipline. Children's Aid will likely offer him some classes and other interventions before allowing him to go back to his family. I understand that the father thought he was doing something to help his kids, but he obviously did it badly; once he is known to be abusive we have a responsibility to protect his children.

If this father wants to help his kids know that learning is important, he should first educate himself about what is reasonable to expect a child to learn. From what I understand, he hit his 4 year old child because he wasn't learning to read English fast enough. This is a child who is fluent in Chinese, and goes to French Immersion Junior Kindergarten. Most four year olds are just beginning to understand the concept of reading in their own language, never mind a second and third language. The father should just slow down and stop putting so much pressure on a little kid, then abusing him for not being able to meet unreasonable expectations. The future will come fast enough; let the kid enjoy his childhood.

[capricorn]

I understand that the father thought he was doing something to help his kids, but he obviously did it badly; once he is known to be abusive we have a responsibility to protect his children.

Melanie, this thread is very disturbing. I cringe to think a child would be physically and psychologically abused because the child is not learning fast enough for the father's wishes. I'm thinking perhaps the father in question was a non-achiever who wants to make amends through his child/children and this is even more worrisome. You know the theory, living your dreams through your children. This has resulted in heartache for a lot of families.

Another thought. If child protection services gets involved in such a case, I would hope the mother would be a willing participant in righting the wrongs.

[bobz]

Thank you

Edited February 11, 2008 by bobz

[bobz]

Thank you

Edited February 11, 2008 by bobz

[Guest American Woman]

The following is from a popular Chinese ancient article that might be written 1000 years ago:

　　　　To teach without severity, is the teacher's laziness.

I don't know if China still abides by the ideas in an article that might be written 1000 years ago, but when making the choice to move to Canada, one has to live by Canadian laws. Lack of "severity" is not perceived as "laziness" in the western world. "Severity" that results in bruises is, by law, abuse-- and most definitely not allowed. Since the father knew enough to know that his children could be removed from the home, since he knew enough to tell his children 'not to talk,' I would say he already knew this.

No matter how you try to shift the blame, no matter how you try to justify the abuse, child abuse not tolerated. For any reason. It's against the law. It's harmful to the child. That's the bottom line.

[bobz]

Thank you

Edited February 11, 2008 by bobz

[Melanie_]

The sister may have learned earlier, but I wonder how many bruises she got as she learned. It seems this father is more interested in pushing his children and putting them under intense pressure (and I question the wisdom of any teacher who feeds into this by giving out Student of the Month awards) than he is in their wellbeing. If the teacher is saying there are issues with the child's eyesight, why does the father insist that there isn't? Has the child had an eye exam? If he hasn't, this can be considered abuse as well, in the category of neglect.

You say that this father understands that he shouldn't abuse his children, and won't do it anymore when he is allowed to reunite with his family, but then you quote this passage that says that severity is neccesary in teaching. This leads me to doubt that the father has any intention of changing - I think he will say what he thinks the authorities want to hear, then go back to what he has been doing all along. The ancient manuscript you quote has no relevence in childrearing today (deja vu! I feel like I've typed that somewhere before!). We know a lot more about children now than we did 1000 years ago; even the Chinese public school system has abandoned these out of date ideas.

The bottom line, Bobz, is that child abuse is wrong. Regardless of what the father is trying to do, hitting his kids is a bad way of doing it. He wants them to learn academics, but instead he is teaching brutality and violence. Until he understands that he can't treat his children that way, they need to be protected from him.

[Melanie_]

Let kindergarten kids walk in snow long time every day – How children aid society worker protect the kid.

February 6, 2008 was the Chinese New Year’s Eve. To Ms. H, this was not a happy time. Her husband has been arrested for child assault and was released in bail program. Now she lives alone with her 3 kids aged 4, 5, and 8. These days she has to walk 3 times in the snow for 50 minutes each, even the 4 year old kid need to go with her twice a day in snow.

Just another thought - If the kids live so far away that it is a 50 minute walk, there should be school buses available to transport them to and from school.

[bobz]

Thank you

Edited February 11, 2008 by bobz

[bobz]

Thank you

Edited February 11, 2008 by bobz

[bobz]

Thank you

Edited February 11, 2008 by bobz

[Melanie_]

Melanie_:

Do you have any child? What do you wish your child to become in future? How about them now? How did you raise them?

I have 4 kids and one grandchild. I also spent most of my career working with children, and now teach college students about child development. One of the courses I teach is about supporting children who have been abused. I feel pretty confident in saying that hitting 4 year olds isn't a good way to help them learn.

You've asked for statistics regarding children who have been protected by children's aid versus children who haven't been. I'm not going to do that research for you. But here's a link to the National Clearinghouse on Family Violence which might be a good place to start. Here's another link to 2003 Child Abuse Statistics.

Children who have been protected by Children's Aid have been abused - the results you are looking for will be heavily influenced by the abuse they suffered. Rather than comparing kids who have been protected with those who haven't, you should compare kids who have been abused with those who haven't.

[Melanie_]

Hmmmm, this thread must look pretty strange to anyone who wasn't following it before yesterday!

Anyway, in case Bobz is still lurking around, here is another link for you. Its to a pamphlet for new immigrants put together by the Child Welfare League of Canada, explaining Canadian child abuse laws and procedures. It gives you some idea about what is and isn't accepted in Canadian society, and what will happen if you are charged with abuse. It is a bit wordy, particularly for those who are just learning English, but I hope you find it useful.

Parenting In Canada

This pamphlet was written in 1998, and is being updated, so if anyone else is interested in giving some feedback to the publishers, they can do so at this link.

Edited February 12, 2008 by Melanie_

[xul]

Hmmmm, this thread must look pretty strange to anyone who wasn't following it before yesterday!

Yes, it is. But to those who had followed it or read it, it just shows a obvious evidence that spanking is not good for kids. Sad:(

[AngusThermopyle]

I guess Bobz didn't find what he was looking for here.