Coddled and Spoiled Children

[jbg]

A whole generation of little snotty brats that never really grew up because society isolated those whose parents got divorced or were single, and then the parents either spoiled them or competed over them, convincing them they are all there is, ever was, or ever will be.

IMO, a rebel without a cause is pathetic irony.

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I am 49, and grew up in suburban New York, in a quiet, white, Jewish, affluent community similar to what I live in now. Back in the day, I remember clearly, in March 1967, days before I turned 10, enjoying the luxury of riding my red Schwinn to Springfield Park, about 6 Trudeau Units (kms, though we called it and still call it 3 1/2 miles) to a pickup baseball game. Fun was had by all, and no one went home crying. And no adult supervision, just pickup teams.

Fast forward to June 2006. I have a ten year old, who attended a closing school picnic at a friend of my wife's house, and days later a closing soccer picnic. Both, despite ample adult supervision (or maybe because of it) were unmitigated disasters. At the school picnic, games had to be stopped constantly because of rough play or worse. At the soccer picnic, my son came home crying after being pelted mercilessly with water balloons. I called a father who was there to find out what happened, and he swears that both he and other fathers were struggling to keep their 10 year olds under control.

Now, these kids are driven to all activities. Fear of pedophiles (thanks for the politically correct journeys out of the closet) mandates that the children do not ride their bicycles the 2 mile trip to the local school or local playground. Is it any surprise that these children, having no experience with being on their own, wind up thinking that urinating on a soldier's monument is "cool"?

[Kindred]

Lets not forget the "mommies are us" brigade who even go to school with their children, volunteer in their classrooms - phone other "mommies are us" to arrange for their childrent to "be friends" and sit and supervise all their interaction, tell the children what to say to each other - and run on the theory that everyone loves their brats when they are "expressing their creativity" by running wild and disrupting an entire restaurant full of people, or dismantling a doctors office while waiting to see the doctor.

Too many parents dont draw a line between the adult world and the world of children and feel their children should be attached at the hip to them - and forced onto other adults in public places that common sense should dictate isnt a place to bring children, especially ones who cant behave.

I also blame a lot of society ills on the media. Not the movies so much as the music. Young people in other countries watch the violent movies, and they listen to the music, but they DONT UNDERSTAND THE WORDS AND CONTENT OF THE MUSIC, and their behavior isnt as bad as it is in western countries. In Asia young men who speak fluent English are more likely to give their parents and society problems.

[jbg]

Too many parents dont draw a line between the adult world and the world of children and feel their children should be attached at the hip to them - and forced onto other adults in public places that common sense should dictate isnt a place to bring children, especially ones who cant behave.

Many parents want their children to be their friends. Children are not and cannot be the equal of parents.

[ClearWest]

These stories of bad parenting are surprisingly similar to the problems we see today with the government.

Too much coddling and spoiling = too many social programs.

Too much control over every aspect of the child's life = too many regulations.

So I guess you could say the "Mommies Are Us" Brigade = The Government.

I agree that these things are getting to be a problem. I wish everybody could see that--not only as parents, but as government leaders, and as voters.

[jbg]

These stories of bad parenting are surprisingly similar to the problems we see today with the government.

Too much coddling and spoiling = too many social programs.

Too much control over every aspect of the child's life = too many regulations.

So I guess you could say the "Mommies Are Us" Brigade = The Government.

I agree that these things are getting to be a problem. I wish everybody could see that--not only as parents, but as government leaders, and as voters.

Great analogy. Same irresponsible, whiny behavior results.

[Drea]

The entire problem with children is follow through.

So many parents say no to their 2 year old and he whines and whines until they give in.

Don't give in!

A 2 year old who whines or throws a fit and gets his way will become a 10 year old who whines (or worse) and does it anyway.

[Rue]

Every generation feels the one after it is spoiled and soft. As people age they feel people younger then them are disrespectful, immature, insolent, etc.

The fact is there is good and bad in every generation. Some people love to dwell on the negative. Are there more pedophiles now or are we simply more aware of it? Is there more violence now, or is the media simply reporting it now and never did before? These are some of the questions to ask.

There is no doubt that during the baby boomer era, i.e., with the first generation born after World War Two in North America, we saw a generation grow up with very few limitations. Jobs were unlimited, resources appeared unlimited, and parents bought into Dr. Spock's theories of raising children as little equals. Dr. Spock encouraged children to be talked to and treated with respect and encouraged debates and discussions with children.

There is no doubt this style of parenting caused its problems, and the baby boomer generation proved to be self-centered, narcissistic and quite two-faced becoming everything they protested against.

So a good arguement could be made that the baby boomers who became everything they protested are in no position to criticize the next generation who are inheriting a world doomed to toxic pollution and global warming, dwindling resources, terrorism and war not to mention unprincipled and unethical baby boomer business people.

So excuse me if I defend the next generation ( and I am 50) because they are inheriting a mess and not all of them are evil. I know of a lot of young people who despite all the odds are a hell of a lot maturer and

sophisticated when it comes to sex, politics and getting along with people different then them.

Guess it depends on where you look and what you want to see but I will be the first to tell baby boomers to shut up because they have no business pointing the finger at anyone and acting self-righteous.

As for increasing crime, violence, rudeness, etc.,well if you live in the first world, and the suburbs are your perspective, yes youth seem rude and out of control. But if you live in the inner city with no home, rudeness is seen as survival. If you live in the third or fourth world, the behaviour of suburban children racing cars, engaging in gang violence or sex, etc, pales in comparison to their problems...their problems? Trying to stay alive and not be killed by Aids, war or famine. The vast majority of young adults across the world must contend with all three not to mention world wide sexual exploitation of youth by the same adults who criticize them.

The next time you criticize today's youth look at the adults and their child porn web sites and tell me its all the fault of youth.

[rover1]

It was the parents many here were critical of, not directly the youth, wasn't it?

[Kindred]

Recently, say over the last five years I have witnessed numerous incidents on some kid hitting, kicking, and otherwise attacking his/her mother in a public when told no - what the hell is up with that? With each incident it has been the mother being attacked, and I am wondering, are these kids witnessing this behavior in their homes or getting the message its ok to hit mom?

That would be the day my kids would have tried that one on for size - they wouldnt have dared to think about it, never mind slap me .. or kick me . spit at me or pull my hair.

Maybe its true after all, spare the rod and spoil the child?

Whats interesting is how children in other countries and cultures can sit quietly and respectfully through very long ceremonies and public appearances.

[jbg]

Maybe its true after all, spare the rod and spoil the child?

Whats interesting is how children in other countries and cultures can sit quietly and respectfully through very long ceremonies and public appearances.

I agree. My wife give me a hard time when I bodily carry (don't even hit) my stubborn 10 year old when he defies bedtime.

[newbie]

Whats interesting is how children in other countries and cultures can sit quietly and respectfully through very long ceremonies and public appearances.

They're taught to respect fear.

[Rue]

Recently, say over the last five years I have witnessed numerous incidents on some kid hitting, kicking, and otherwise attacking his/her mother in a public when told no - what the hell is up with that? With each incident it has been the mother being attacked, and I am wondering, are these kids witnessing this behavior in their homes or getting the message its ok to hit mom?

That would be the day my kids would have tried that one on for size - they wouldnt have dared to think about it, never mind slap me .. or kick me . spit at me or pull my hair.

Maybe its true after all, spare the rod and spoil the child?

Whats interesting is how children in other countries and cultures can sit quietly and respectfully through very long ceremonies and public appearances.

Well of course you raise a serious issue and yes it is true we are seeing a lot more physical violence. My personal theories are as follows; i-I think the absence of parents at home, i.e., both working or single parent homes because of high divorce rates is related to this violence. I think a son without a strong constant male figure to raise him is bound to have problems with anger, limiting his behaviour and being violent, he's got no positive role model to teach him restraint; ii-I personally believe the young offenders act and the current legal system does not properly send a message about violence..and just look around.. how many murderers get off with 5 year sentences....rapes, assaults, a couple of months....

That said I would stress again that I think this violence you see is very disturbing but I do not think for a moment it reflects the majority of youth.

I guess one could also speculate that movies and videos and video games today seem to feed-back an incredible amount of violence.

I personally believe we need to find structured activities for youth to channel their frustration. Give me a violent kid and get him into competitive sports or put him in a physical labour work social project that can channel his or her injury and help them build self-esteem and you will soon contain the problem. It certainly helped for me and some other kids I knew when we were getting in trouble.

That said, I appreciate its a complex problem and there are no easy fixes or answers and some days all of us of all ages are wondering what the f..is going on.

[Rue]

Whats interesting is how children in other countries and cultures can sit quietly and respectfully through very long ceremonies and public appearances.

They're taught to respect fear.

Well in some cultures you are right, if you start up you get a whack. It is that simple. However I think in many non Western cultures as well, respect is ttaught not just with fear. Say with the Chinese, and please I do not mean to generalize, but if you see the way children are taught to respect their grand-parents, its not just a fear thing, its a respect for tradition that comes from elders. I don't think Chinese kids fear their grand-parents...as much as they love them if you know what I mean. I just used that as an example but you catch the gist of it. Maybe because we treat older people with such disrespect these days by warehousing them in old age homes and portraying aging as undesireable, that our youth pick up on this and feel we are all expendable and it fuels some of them into being disrespectful.

Look we live in a society where everything is disposable so we discard it and buy more. Unfortunately this has run over into our relationships and now we treat each other like expandable pieces of junk as well.

I think if we adults showed respect for our elders, youths would pick up on it. Don't you think?

[jbg]

I think if we adults showed respect for our elders, youths would pick up on it. Don't you think?

The problem is that when elders were revered there were fewer of them. Middle-age people rightly worry about the burden of caring both for dependent children and parents. Financial and time resources only go so far.

[jbg]

I considered this discussion interesting enough that I placed a copy of this discussion on "upforthis", a new board.

I in no way encourage people to leave here; I enjoy it too much. I'm curious as to how another group might react.