gonzo fubar

Explanatory note: Grant Gordon, who is hoping to become the Liberal candidate in the upcoming Trawna-Danforth byelection, has foolishly decided to take a shot at the beast Rhinoceros. Interestingly, Mr. Gordon is, at the same time, asking Rhinos to support his bid by joining the Liberal Trawna-Danforth riding association and voting for him. Here is Mr. Gordon’s overture to Rhinos: “Your party is a pathetic, hollow shell of what it once was. Your late founder, Cornelius the First, that visionary rhino form the Granby Zoo must be rolling in his grave. Where are you guys?!! If you help get me on the ballot and I win, I promise to give every family in Trawna-Danforth a goat.” Mr. Gordon is also proselytizing NDPers, Tories, Greens and non-voters. His messages to them can be found here: http://www.keygordon.com/eblasts/grant_for_liberals/grant-liberal-nomination.html Ahem “Your party is a pathetic, hollow shell of what it once was.” That’s RICH, coming from a Liberal! Your party is so loathed that Canadians prefer a Harper majority government;. so loathed that the NDP are the official opposition. So much for being Canada’s, “natural governing party..” Like you Liberals, we Rhinos are not enjoying the public support we once did. Unlike you Liberals, we Rhinos still have our dignity. Your admission that the NDP will “wipe up” in the upcoming byelection is refreshing. That kind of honesty is commendable. Alas, for you, it is the kind of honesty that will assure that you will not win the Liberal nomination, now or ever. But… maybe I am wrong. You Liberals did recently vote, overwhelmingly, to decriminalize marijuana. Maybe, just maybe, enough Trawna-Danforth Liberals will light up a fatty and vote for you. Well, it may take more than one fatty for uptight Liberals to lighten up enough to give you the nod. Should that happen, we Rhinos will be the first to congratulate you. Given your honesty, and your acknowledgment that there is a place in electoral politics for humour, you might make a decent Rhino candidate. You may well be a closet Rhino. But, if you are to come out of the closet and carry the Rhino banner, you need to know something about Rhino before you earn your horn. First of all, Cornelius the First was not the founder of the Parti Rhinoceros Party. The Party was founded - in 1963, years before the birth of Cornelius - by Dr. Jacques Ferron.. You should also know that the Liberals and Rhinos have buckets of bad blood between us, going back to the 1960s. It was Pierre Trudeau who ordered that Cornelius be sent into exile at the San Diego Zoo, in 1981. So pissed were the Liberals over the Turner vs. Turner prank in the 1988 election that they encouraged Brian Mulroney to rape the Charter of Rights and Freedoms to de-register the Rhino Party in 1993. That treason was, in part, avenged when the Rhinos tricked Jean the Baptist Chretien into spraying Rhino piss on the Liberal Party faithful in the 1993 election. There is much, much more for you to learn, Mr. Gordon, before you are fit to carry the Rhino banner. Fortunately, for the first time ever, the complete history of the fabled Rhino Party has been written and published, by my good self.. You can buy a copy of RHINO HISTORY, OTHER LIES AND ALL THAT JAZZ at Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Rhino-History-Other-Lies-ebook/dp/B006NLAPKA You can see the book trailer on Youtube Being benevolent beasts, the Rhino Illuminati have authorized me to offer you a free copy of the mighty missive, if you have a sincere desire to enlighten yourself. Since you almost certainly will not win the nomination race, and since you almost certainly are not fool enough to waste your time campaigning for a sure loser, you should have time to read the book before polling day. If you are willing to commit to that arduous intellectual task (a fatty and a cold one will aid you greatly), we will be happy to announce you as our candidate the day after the election Okay, dude, school’s out. Carry on. GONZO FUBAR VAN RASPUTIN Official Historian (of the fabled) Parti Rhinoceros Party

Rhino reply to wannabee Lib candidate in Trawna-Danforth Explanatory note: Grant Gordon, who is hoping to become the Liberal candidate in the upcoming Trawna-Danforth byelection, has foolishly decided to take a shot at the beast Rhinoceros. Interestingly, Mr. Gordon is, at the same time, asking Rhinos to support his bid by joining the Liberal Trawna-Danforth riding association and voting for him. Here is Mr. Gordon’s overture to Rhinos: “Your party is a pathetic, hollow shell of what it once was. Your late founder, Cornelius the First, that visionary rhino form the Granby Zoo must be rolling in his grave. Where are you guys?!! If you help get me on the ballot and I win, I promise to give every family in Trawna-Danforth a goat.” Mr. Gordon is also proselytizing NDPers, Tories, Greens and non-voters. His messages to them can be found here: http://www.keygordon.com/eblasts/grant_for_liberals/grant-liberal-nomination.html Ahem “Your party is a pathetic, hollow shell of what it once was.” That’s RICH, coming from a Liberal! Your party is so loathed that Canadians prefer a Harper majority government;. so loathed that the NDP are the official opposition. So much for being Canada’s, “natural governing party..” Like you Liberals, we Rhinos are not enjoying the public support we once did. Unlike you Liberals, we Rhinos still have our dignity. Your admission that the NDP will “wipe up” in the upcoming byelection is refreshing. That kind of honesty is commendable. Alas, for you, it is the kind of honesty that will assure that you will not win the Liberal nomination, now or ever. But… maybe I am wrong. You Liberals did recently vote, overwhelmingly, to decriminalize marijuana. Maybe, just maybe, enough Trawna-Danforth Liberals will light up a fatty and vote for you. Well, it may take more than one fatty for uptight Liberals to lighten up enough to give you the nod. Should that happen, we Rhinos will be the first to congratulate you. Given your honesty, and your acknowledgment that there is a place in electoral politics for humour, you might make a decent Rhino candidate. You may well be a closet Rhino. But, if you are to come out of the closet and carry the Rhino banner, you need to know something about Rhino before you earn your horn. First of all, Cornelius the First was not the founder of the Parti Rhinoceros Party. The Party was founded - in 1963, years before the birth of Cornelius - by Dr. Jacques Ferron.. You should also know that the Liberals and Rhinos have buckets of bad blood between us, going back to the 1960s. It was Pierre Trudeau who ordered that Cornelius be sent into exile at the San Diego Zoo, in 1981. So pissed were the Liberals over the Turner vs. Turner prank in the 1988 election that they encouraged Brian Mulroney to rape the Charter of Rights and Freedoms to de-register the Rhino Party in 1993. That treason was, in part, avenged when the Rhinos tricked Jean the Baptist Chretien into spraying Rhino piss on the Liberal Party faithful in the 1993 election. There is much, much more for you to learn, Mr. Gordon, before you are fit to carry the Rhino banner. Fortunately, for the first time ever, the complete history of the fabled Rhino Party has been written and published, by my good self.. You can buy a copy of RHINO HISTORY, OTHER LIES AND ALL THAT JAZZ at Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Rhino-History-Other-Lies-ebook/dp/B006NLAPKA You can see the book trailer on Youtube Being benevolent beasts, the Rhino Illuminati have authorized me to offer you a free copy of the mighty missive, if you have a sincere desire to enlighten yourself. Since you almost certainly will not win the nomination race, and since you almost certainly are not fool enough to waste your time campaigning for a sure loser, you should have time to read the book before polling day. If you are willing to commit to that arduous intellectual task (a fatty and a cold one will aid you greatly), we will be happy to announce you as our candidate the day after the election Okay, dude, school’s out. Carry on. GONZO FUBAR VAN RASPUTIN Official Historian (of the fabled) Parti Rhinoceros Party