Hewin' wood and toein' the line

[eyeball]

Fishing season is just about over and your's truely (and crew) wound up killing a little over 500,000 lbs of dogfish, halibut and a variety of other bottomfish this summer. Now that the fish are off the bite the phone is suddenly ringing off the other hook - firewood season is drawing near.

For those who may remember chastizing me for being a theivin' wood rustlin' poacher last year, you'll be happy to know I've willingly popped up on the radar screens of officialdom this year. This means I'll have to market my wood as having been legally obtained to distinguish it from the competition's. Accordingly I expect that good and right law abiding citizens (you know who you aren't) will be opting for my legal albeit more expensive firewood instead of sneakin' off like some low down theivin' wood rustlin' poacher and buying it on the cheap from Buddy down the road. I have no choice but to recapture the real and tangible costs of ethical and virtuous capitalism, not to mention production after factoring in the price of officialdom, which includes $5 million liability + $1 million fire fighting insurance, damage deposits, WCB, GST, HST...yadda yadda yadda...and don't forget the stumpage on the wood. To top it all off I also have to go take a government course (on my dime) on how to work safely in the bush, just like I have been for about 35 years now.

One official told me I was free to help level the playing field by requesting the authorities (from out of town I might add) come and enforce the rules that state people should be receiving an official delivery slip that contains info about the wood and me and so on and so forth. I guess I must have had snitch written on my forehead that day. Like that's really going to endear me to new prospective customers isn't it? As for rattin' on Buddy...he's my buddy for crying out loud, how do I do that! Bear in mind I have had Big Brother staring down at me through monitoring cameras and a GPS tracking system all season, with fisheries officials waiting at the dock to inspect my catch when we landed and security officials flying back and forth over us occasionally, even in the dead of night while drifting 20 miles offshore. They snuck up on us flying about 50 meters over a calm quiet sea one night and popped off a couple of pictures with a high speed camera with a flash as bright as a bolt of lightning. It scared the bejeezus out of us. Oh yeah, I'm a real big fan of law and order all right, you betchya.

So...what are the chances of my customers being as honest and law abiding? Am I living in a dreamworld and is Buddy going to be laughing all the way to the bank or what?

For my marketing research purposes please see the attached poll.

Edited September 12, 2009 by eyeball

[Radsickle]

Part of the control is to monitor where the wood is from to prevent insect spread, right? Screw Buddy and his contraband wood. If he's ever caught, he'll pay. If his customers are caught, they'll pay too. Best to stay on the up and up. I'd pay the premium (if I had a wood stove). It's like paying a bit extra for fair trade coffee; the coffee's better and everybody's happy.

[kimmy]

Is giving up on the wood thievin' and startin' up a big ole copper still an option?

Obviously ratting on your buddy isn't an appealing option. However, it doesn't seem fair that you've been subjected to this increased cost of production while he continues to scoff-law scot-free.

Maybe there's an alternative. Partner up. You and he team up... share the expenses (you presumably wouldn't have to buy extra fire insurance, etc, right?) so that your buddy can enjoy the benefits of being clear and legal too.

Then the both of yez sell 98% of your wood under the table.

Everybody wins!

-k